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The Top 7… Games you don't want for Christmas 2009

6. Band Hero (DS)

First, there’s the Guitar Grip that sends spasms of pain through your wrist. Then, there’s the mushy drum sleeve and inaccurate voice recognition. Let’s also not forget the silly censorship that strikes naughty words, like ‘hell,’ out of the lyrics. Nothing screams ‘I’m a good little consumer and a total tool,’ like rocking out to Two Princes by the Spin Doctors on your DS during your daily commute - and nothing says ‘I don’t really know you, but I figured you like bright colors and lame pop music,’ like a carefully wrapped copy of Band Hero for the DS under your Christmas tree.


Above: Blegh. Bright colors and jaggy polygons will remind you of the early 90s - just like Band Hero’s song list! 


Above: Meh. The mushy drum sleeve doesn’t feel very responsive 


Above: Ugh. The Spin Doctors on Sesame Street. Once Elmo likes something, it’s officially not cool anymore

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: See if you can upgrade to the console version of Band Hero (a real guitar controller makes all the difference). If music games are your thing, you should also check out DJ Hero. If a refund or exchange isn’t an option, you can also stop treating Band Hero as a game, and start using it as a mini-exercise machine. You’ll likely have the most powerful handshake on your block after pumping up your digits with Band Hero for a few months.


5. Marvel Super Hero Squad (PSP)

What could be worse than a Wii port of a horrible 360 or PS3 game? Try this PSP port of an awful Wii game? Meet Marvel Super Hero Squad, the biggest insult to Marvel fans since the release of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. In it, you’ll get to play as grotesquely adorable caricatures of some of the coolest characters to grace the pages of comic books. But wait, there’s more! You’ll also experience the joy of repetitive battles as you pound identical enemies to death and the excitement of wrestling with the awful camera angles that make finding objectives a real challenge. And don’t forget about the graphics! They were unsightly on the Wii version, but they’re downright horrible on the PSP. 

 
Above: How can we feel the fury of Wolverine’s berserker rage when he looks so huggable? 


Above: The jaggy characters and textures perfectly complement Marvel Super Hero Squad’s boring button mash-a-thons

What you should do if you got this for Christmas: Batman: Arkham Asylum was, without a doubt, the comic book game of the year. But if you’re a diehard Marvel fan or already got your fill of Batman, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 for the 360 and PS3 is an excellent alternative to Marvel Super Hero Squad.

Topics

Top 7

40 comments

  • JabbaScript - December 31, 2009 8:59 p.m.

    Reflex isn't really that bad. Sure, it's crap compared to the real game, but if you only have a wii, it's pretty kickass.
  • TheWebSwinger - December 27, 2009 1:11 a.m.

    You're a cynical one, Mr. Nagata
  • Ravenbom - December 23, 2009 9:49 p.m.

    Damn it Tyler Nagata! I already put these on my X-mas list!
  • jackthemenace - December 23, 2009 8:12 p.m.

    I've just realised my sister REALLY wants RIDE! she's a total non-gamer though. may i just say that mushroomer REALLY needs to learn that they're just games!v although, if they're wii game,s they are still generally really bad. no offence nintendo, but get your act together and STOP MAKING THINGS WITH "WII---" IN THE TITLE! and @defguru- i totally agree with your little twilight hatred! my girlfriend made me watch new moon, and i was SO happy when it finished i was laughing. but the end WAS pretty shit tho, so i was laughing anyway. also, nice mushroomer insult. i very much think he WOULD like some ice for that burn.
  • noobeater - December 23, 2009 12:09 p.m.

    @defguru hah, kick his ass
  • Yeager1122 - December 22, 2009 11:09 p.m.

    Thank god im not again any of these the only thing these games are good for is something to pratice shooting at.
  • idlemindkiller - December 22, 2009 6:12 p.m.

    @ mushroomer dont be such a whiny bitch.
  • ChrisAntistaSmellsLikePizza - December 22, 2009 5:58 p.m.

    I disagree with # 1. You said "Even if you don’t own any current-gen consoles besides a Wii, you already know that Reflex Edition can’t hold a candle to the proper versions of Modern Warfare or Modern Warfare 2" I highly doubt a casual 45 year old business man dad is gonna know jack sh*t about anything having to do with COD4, whatever version you play. Obviously this is just my opinion, but I think if you’re a Wii owner that already owns Metroid Prime 3, of MP Trilogy, then they should check this out. I played, and as a PS3 and 360 owner, obviously it doesn't hold up to the more agile console versions, but, wait for it . . . .for a Wii game . . . it's not half bad in a sea of rubbish. Again, all my opinion, and I did enjoy the rest, screw the imagine series in the face, with a hot iron rod.
  • Smiffy99 - December 22, 2009 1:41 p.m.

    I agree, the 2D Clone Wars were awesome, Tony Hawk Series, is in fact dead, and the Wii should stop shooting itself in the foot by making these garbage remakes. Oh, and one more thing... I HATE twilight. They ruined vampires as we know them! When was the last time you were impressed by some sparkly emo kid, huh? And what's even worse, they're probably going to make another twilight game, because this one is gonna sell so well with the millions of pathetic twilight fans out there. You know who you are. You disgust me. (And no, twilight doesn't even deserve a capital letter)
  • SausageLozenge - December 22, 2009 12:55 p.m.

    Tyler you have gone too far! Sesame Street is great. And if your not "cool" if your on it, then nothing is cool. Every major celebrity, comedian, or musician have made cameos on Sesame Street. So recant, I say! Viva La Jim Henson!
  • narutofreak1 - December 22, 2009 5:04 a.m.

    thanks for the heads up
  • Cwf2008 - December 22, 2009 4:46 a.m.

    Whats wrong with MW:R anyway? Sure its inferior, but its a decent Wii game. And i would think that abommination known as the Imagine series would be #1
  • Defguru7777 - December 22, 2009 4:33 a.m.

    @Mushroomer I hope Santa leaves a sense of humor under your tree!
  • Defguru7777 - December 22, 2009 4:30 a.m.

    I agree with waynski1457 about Star Wars: The Clone Wars (though I think I liked the movie a bit more than he did). But the 2D series was amazing. I just wish I had Part 1 in addition to my Part 2. Well, I do know who Bella is. But in my defense, I only know what I know about Twilight to hate it more. And isn't hate what the holidays are about? I'm kind of surprised you guys didn't recommend House of the Dead: Overkill in addition to Extraction. You guys really love that game. aguilanthony is right. You guys have bagged on MW:R a lot since it came out. Is it that it's really that bad, or it's just that bad compared to MW on 360? Oh wait! I can read the review! Huzzah!
  • bloodyshadow - December 22, 2009 3:22 a.m.

    So... what you're saying is we should get these BEFORE Christmas?
  • Gameguy94 - December 22, 2009 1:51 a.m.

    Good job at recommending the 2-D Star Wars DVD those are truly awesome!
  • DriveShaft - December 22, 2009 12:33 a.m.

    Thank God I've trained everyone not to get me games for Chistmas.
  • Mushroomer - December 21, 2009 11:23 p.m.

    Wow. Just wow. I know that you guys have a serious fetish for pissing on Wii games, but now you're letting it interfere with what should otherwise be a solid article. A good "Worst games of the year" list, shouldn't just be predictable casual titles like Twilight or Imagine. No, you should be taking this as a chance to dig around and find TRUELY miserable games. Failures like Rogue Warrior, or Guitar Hero : Van Halen. Games that are actually intended for our audiences, not just games that you happen to think are are boring and childish. Nobody that reads this site is actually going to RECIEVE Scene It : Twilight, so why bother talking about it? Oh, that's right. Because you think you're hilarious for talking smack about something popular. Even if it doesn't make a damn bit of sense in context. Same with Imagine - nobody here is going to get one of them, so there's really no point in listing it. You did make some decent choices though - ones that are actually relivant. Ride? It's been a bit overdone, but certainly deserving. Band Hero? It's possible that a music game fan could spot it under the tree, so I'll call it a positive addition. Super Hero Squad? Now you're just acting like a horde of angry Marvel fanboys. But I assume in a stretch, some nearly-blind grandmother could pick it up, knowing how much you love "That Spider Man fellow". Though since even grandmothers are able to percieve that you don't give a teenager an E-rated game, I'll call it a Bullshit addition. Republic Heroes? Geeks like Star Wars, so I'll give this one a pass. But it's after here that you lose all sense of originality. As I said - not even a blind great aunt who only knows the vague location of where the video game section is in Wal-Mart will end up buying the average GamesRadar vistor a copy of "Imagine : Ice Skater". Plus, they've been around for the past two years - are you simply too unoriginal to look for something from this year - IN A DAMN YEARLY LIST? That would be like me saying America's Next Top Model is the worst show of the year. Sure, it's bad - but I'm not really who they're trying to entertain, and it's been on for the majority of the decade. I already called you out on Scene It : Twilight, which I'm confident is only there so the writer could release the same rage that I've been seeing everywhere for the past year. And finally there's Call of Duty : Modern Warfare : Reflex. It would've been a smart edition, IF THE GAME WAS ACTUALLY BAD. The writer even admits at the beginning that it got a decent 7/10, yet completely ignores that fact, and makes it seem like cyanide compressed into a disc. Think about this from the perspective of somebody who only owns a Wii - Shocking, they do exist. It's a pretty fun & addictive online multiplayer game. If you owned two consoles, I suppose it'd be a shitty gift - but not deserving of a Top 7 list. I like you GamesRadar. You have clever ideas on how to talk about gaming - but you've let it become clogged with basic fanboy-level console bashing. It's disappointing.
  • jackthemenace - December 21, 2009 11:01 p.m.

    i'd do ANYTHING to write about games for a living! and GR are making fun of themselves for doing it? I LOVE these guys!
  • lovinmyps3 - December 21, 2009 10:12 p.m.

    Haha, Twilight! XD

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