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The Top 7... Games where you play as food

 

Ah, Eggplant Wizard, that weird, clearly-designed-by-a-madman old bastard of the NES baddo fraternity. Completely at odds with the ancient Greek vibe of his game, EW's oddness belied a far more insidious property. With a flick of his magic staff, he could subvert his perceived squishy weakness by bringing smug little Pit down to his own level, turning him into a faceless, terminally useless, walking eggplant. That was of course a very bad thing, but it looked awesome, in a Dali's-acid-nightmare kind of way.

While we wait for that fabled, may-never-come-anyway Kid Icarus sequel, Pit can make himself useful by way of a delicious melted cheese topping.


No matter how many times Bowser attacks the Mushroom Kingdom, no matter how much fiery destruction he rains down, the proud nation will survive. The reason? Regardless of collateral damage, the Kingdom will always have an eternally renewable food source in its own fungus people. It might be cannibalism to some, but it's a necessary evil for the continued good of the country. Have you noticed how the number of Toads has increased exponentially between Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Galaxy? That's intensive farming, that is, no doubt put into action as a direct result of the constant threat the Kingdom is under.

They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick.



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46 comments

  • RabidCabbage - April 27, 2009 3:49 p.m.

    Thanks for an amusing article. I'm actually hungry now...
  • AyKKon - April 27, 2009 4:26 p.m.

    Ha ha ha! Very funny! And....oh! First.... post by me in this amazing site!
  • helix92 - April 27, 2009 5:05 p.m.

    Ha Ha. Awsome article. And beans for breakfast is great. But this article has made me hungry. I want a sandwich know
  • Unoriginal - April 27, 2009 6:04 p.m.

    I think I'm gonna go grab me a sandwich now.
  • WonsAuto - April 27, 2009 9:28 p.m.

    You guys are really reaching today, but you're pulling it off! Class article. ReCAPTCHA: ripeness $3.25 Lol, that's appropriate for the article.
  • Lord_Muboblis - April 27, 2009 10:12 p.m.

    Technically, any game where you play as an animal would be on this list.
  • icanhazgames - April 28, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    Mmmmmmmm toad on a stick
  • ranzatsu - April 28, 2009 3:19 a.m.

    I didn't notice the tofu thing in Resi 2...
  • iKOemos - April 28, 2009 4:05 a.m.

    One day I'll catch my M&M's Go-Karting in my cupboard...
  • TreehouseGamer - April 28, 2009 4:52 a.m.

    Note that Alfred the Chicken is being violated by a beer can.
  • pogo - April 28, 2009 6:36 p.m.

    my sister almost got MnM racing for the wii
  • waffledragon33 - April 28, 2009 7:54 p.m.

    me hungry
  • PhantomDave - April 29, 2009 2:03 a.m.

    Oh my god...how could they not have listed Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom for the NES? LOL http://tinyurl.com/6yrr47
  • Sash - April 29, 2009 7:48 a.m.

    "Teh_Ty - 6 hours 41 minutes ago Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game." I was thinking that when I saw it lol
  • AuthorityFigure - April 29, 2009 10:01 a.m.

    That was a nice bite-sized article.
  • nik41507 - May 2, 2009 2 a.m.

    $@TH!!!!!!!!!!
  • zerolegends - May 23, 2009 4:34 a.m.

    Mmmm Ninja bread man reCAPTCHA:own trikes? No i do not.
  • drprofessor - April 27, 2009 4:59 p.m.

    Great article. What about the adventures of cookies & cream? Sounhds like food and rabbits are delicious. WIN/WIN
  • MacGyver1138 - April 27, 2009 5:01 p.m.

    You Brits and your food combinations! Pardon my xenophobia, but beans for breakfast?
  • Tomsta666 - April 27, 2009 5:25 p.m.

    Dizzy and Alfred Chicken, nostalgia!! It probably would of made me hungry but I just ate :D

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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