The Top 7... Games where you play as food


Ah, Eggplant Wizard, that weird, clearly-designed-by-a-madman old bastard of the NES baddo fraternity. Completely at odds with the ancient Greek vibe of his game, EW's oddness belied a far more insidious property. With a flick of his magic staff, he could subvert his perceived squishy weakness by bringing smug little Pit down to his own level, turning him into a faceless, terminally useless, walking eggplant. That was of course a very bad thing, but it looked awesome, in a Dali's-acid-nightmare kind of way.

While we wait for that fabled, may-never-come-anyway Kid Icarus sequel, Pit can make himself useful by way of a delicious melted cheese topping.

No matter how many times Bowser attacks the Mushroom Kingdom, no matter how much fiery destruction he rains down, the proud nation will survive. The reason? Regardless of collateral damage, the Kingdom will always have an eternally renewable food source in its own fungus people. It might be cannibalism to some, but it's a necessary evil for the continued good of the country. Have you noticed how the number of Toads has increased exponentially between Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Galaxy? That's intensive farming, that is, no doubt put into action as a direct result of the constant threat the Kingdom is under.

They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick.

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Top 7


  • KillerPotato - June 2, 2009 8:29 p.m.

    Note to Self: do not eat video game, no matter how delicious it plays Great top 7!!!!
  • Demonflare - May 2, 2009 3:33 a.m.

    Hahaha! Ninjabread man n Toad! I never new they would put Toad on here.
  • nik41507 - May 2, 2009 2:01 a.m.

    i mean 42TH!!!!!!!!!!! NOW 43TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • cooolkid94 - May 1, 2009 3:35 a.m.

    good article. lol :P
  • sharker - May 1, 2009 1:14 a.m.

    actually tofu works for umbrella
  • Spybreak8 - April 29, 2009 5:05 a.m.

    Hahahaha, tofu!? wow.
  • Teh_Ty - April 29, 2009 1:06 a.m.

    Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game.
  • abombb - April 28, 2009 10:09 p.m.

    This could lead to some interesting discussions on the podcast. Good WTF article. Plus I would disagree with Alfred Chicken being on the list, because if we're included birds that are uncooked(and would not be edible), then Kazooie and Chocobos would beat Alred Chicken in a long shot. (Don't take my comment too seriously though, lol)
  • Shane1403 - April 28, 2009 7:56 p.m.

    who knew that heroes tasted so good?
  • bioshocker - April 28, 2009 7:09 p.m.

    aww I was gonna mention ecco the dolphin :( but I can confidently say "Why wasn't Kao the kangaroo in this list?" Kangaroo tastes like beef
  • Ravenbom - April 28, 2009 3:19 p.m.

    While a little greasy and gamey for some, I rather like a little Jazz Jackrabbit stew every now and then. I think I'm going to have an Ecco the Dolphin sandwich... I mean, Tuna Fish sandwich today for lunch.
  • Sash - April 28, 2009 7:36 a.m.

    James Pond anyone?
  • Gahmah - April 28, 2009 2:28 a.m.

    I think the child for gingerbread man was eating something with its eyes still uncooked.
  • ButtersPTOM - April 28, 2009 1:57 a.m.

    No Kirby? I hear he's one tough cream puff... :(
  • Romination - April 27, 2009 11:23 p.m.

    what about imagine party babies? those are the best food! they're more succulent than Toads and can have their skin used as boots or gloves! (Jonathan Swift totally agrees)
  • GoldenMe - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    Ugh, eggplants.
  • TheCrimsonChin - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    cool as a nitrogen cucumber god im hungry
  • garnsr - April 27, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    Ah, Eggplant Wizard. Irritating bastard, but cool.
  • Hobojedi - April 27, 2009 10:33 p.m.

    Speedy Eggbert?
  • derringer83 - April 27, 2009 10:26 p.m.

    "They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick." pretty much sums up why I come here.

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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