The Top 7... Games where you play as food

Oh Ninjabread Man. How did your brilliantly puntastic concept go so horribly wrong? Ninjas. Sugary treats. An incongruously awesome-looking hero who could have been a cult star with funny enough scripting. You had it all. Literally everything we needed to love you.

Unfortunately, you squandered your potential by way of crappy controls, horrible platforming and origami graphics. Thus, we still await the perfect realisation of the holy grail of the sugary videogame ninjitsu. Zool came close, but we thought you had it nailed. You made us sad, Ninjabread Man. Very sad.

Though to be fair, that child should be nibbling him from the other end, to prolong the pain and avenge our disappointment more efficiently.

Vastly under-rated little chap, is Alfred Chicken. Fun, inventive and more than a little nutso, his single 1993 outing caused only a short-lived frenzy of poultry-bouncing excitement before being swamped by the platforming big guns of the era (an attempted PS1 reboot in 2002 notwithstanding).

Stunted franchise aside though, Alfred will always have a carved-in-concrete claim to fame in that he was one of the first (only?) game characters to stand in a political election. As a promotional stunt, Product Manager Karl Fitzhugh entered the 1993 Christchurch by-election as a representative of the Alfred Chicken Party, and rather gloriously didn't even come last.

Even if Alfred dies all the way to Game Over, you still win. You might be out of lives, but you will have a succulent, tasty dinner time treat to make up for it.

While originally created as a simple model with which to test Resi 2's collision detection, Capcom eventually rightly recognised the crack military hardness of bean curd and gave Tofu his own unlockable bonus game. But fear not for our squishy hero's safety amongst the flesh-crazed zombie hordes. Unlike mere humans, he possesses no meat content whatsoever, let alone delicious brraaaaiins, and so theoretically should be the perfect untouchable weapon to use against the hungry living dead.

Tofu is by far the healthiest of all Resident Evil heroes from a dietary perspective. Chris Redfield's biceps alone would turn this light summer salad into an instant protein overdose.


Top 7

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  • RabidCabbage - April 27, 2009 3:49 p.m.

    Thanks for an amusing article. I'm actually hungry now...
  • AyKKon - April 27, 2009 4:26 p.m.

    Ha ha ha! Very funny! And....oh! First.... post by me in this amazing site!
  • helix92 - April 27, 2009 5:05 p.m.

    Ha Ha. Awsome article. And beans for breakfast is great. But this article has made me hungry. I want a sandwich know
  • Unoriginal - April 27, 2009 6:04 p.m.

    I think I'm gonna go grab me a sandwich now.
  • WonsAuto - April 27, 2009 9:28 p.m.

    You guys are really reaching today, but you're pulling it off! Class article. ReCAPTCHA: ripeness $3.25 Lol, that's appropriate for the article.
  • Lord_Muboblis - April 27, 2009 10:12 p.m.

    Technically, any game where you play as an animal would be on this list.
  • icanhazgames - April 28, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    Mmmmmmmm toad on a stick
  • ranzatsu - April 28, 2009 3:19 a.m.

    I didn't notice the tofu thing in Resi 2...
  • iKOemos - April 28, 2009 4:05 a.m.

    One day I'll catch my M&M's Go-Karting in my cupboard...
  • TreehouseGamer - April 28, 2009 4:52 a.m.

    Note that Alfred the Chicken is being violated by a beer can.
  • pogo - April 28, 2009 6:36 p.m.

    my sister almost got MnM racing for the wii
  • waffledragon33 - April 28, 2009 7:54 p.m.

    me hungry
  • PhantomDave - April 29, 2009 2:03 a.m.

    Oh my could they not have listed Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom for the NES? LOL
  • Sash - April 29, 2009 7:48 a.m.

    "Teh_Ty - 6 hours 41 minutes ago Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game." I was thinking that when I saw it lol
  • AuthorityFigure - April 29, 2009 10:01 a.m.

    That was a nice bite-sized article.
  • nik41507 - May 2, 2009 2 a.m.

  • zerolegends - May 23, 2009 4:34 a.m.

    Mmmm Ninja bread man reCAPTCHA:own trikes? No i do not.
  • drprofessor - April 27, 2009 4:59 p.m.

    Great article. What about the adventures of cookies & cream? Sounhds like food and rabbits are delicious. WIN/WIN
  • MacGyver1138 - April 27, 2009 5:01 p.m.

    You Brits and your food combinations! Pardon my xenophobia, but beans for breakfast?
  • Tomsta666 - April 27, 2009 5:25 p.m.

    Dizzy and Alfred Chicken, nostalgia!! It probably would of made me hungry but I just ate :D

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

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