The Top 7... Games where you play as food

Oh Ninjabread Man. How did your brilliantly puntastic concept go so horribly wrong? Ninjas. Sugary treats. An incongruously awesome-looking hero who could have been a cult star with funny enough scripting. You had it all. Literally everything we needed to love you.

Unfortunately, you squandered your potential by way of crappy controls, horrible platforming and origami graphics. Thus, we still await the perfect realisation of the holy grail of the sugary videogame ninjitsu. Zool came close, but we thought you had it nailed. You made us sad, Ninjabread Man. Very sad.

Though to be fair, that child should be nibbling him from the other end, to prolong the pain and avenge our disappointment more efficiently.

Vastly under-rated little chap, is Alfred Chicken. Fun, inventive and more than a little nutso, his single 1993 outing caused only a short-lived frenzy of poultry-bouncing excitement before being swamped by the platforming big guns of the era (an attempted PS1 reboot in 2002 notwithstanding).

Stunted franchise aside though, Alfred will always have a carved-in-concrete claim to fame in that he was one of the first (only?) game characters to stand in a political election. As a promotional stunt, Product Manager Karl Fitzhugh entered the 1993 Christchurch by-election as a representative of the Alfred Chicken Party, and rather gloriously didn't even come last.

Even if Alfred dies all the way to Game Over, you still win. You might be out of lives, but you will have a succulent, tasty dinner time treat to make up for it.

While originally created as a simple model with which to test Resi 2's collision detection, Capcom eventually rightly recognised the crack military hardness of bean curd and gave Tofu his own unlockable bonus game. But fear not for our squishy hero's safety amongst the flesh-crazed zombie hordes. Unlike mere humans, he possesses no meat content whatsoever, let alone delicious brraaaaiins, and so theoretically should be the perfect untouchable weapon to use against the hungry living dead.

Tofu is by far the healthiest of all Resident Evil heroes from a dietary perspective. Chris Redfield's biceps alone would turn this light summer salad into an instant protein overdose.


Top 7

We Recommend By ZergNet


  • KillerPotato - June 2, 2009 8:29 p.m.

    Note to Self: do not eat video game, no matter how delicious it plays Great top 7!!!!
  • Demonflare - May 2, 2009 3:33 a.m.

    Hahaha! Ninjabread man n Toad! I never new they would put Toad on here.
  • nik41507 - May 2, 2009 2:01 a.m.

    i mean 42TH!!!!!!!!!!! NOW 43TH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • cooolkid94 - May 1, 2009 3:35 a.m.

    good article. lol :P
  • sharker - May 1, 2009 1:14 a.m.

    actually tofu works for umbrella
  • Spybreak8 - April 29, 2009 5:05 a.m.

    Hahahaha, tofu!? wow.
  • Teh_Ty - April 29, 2009 1:06 a.m.

    Should have mentioned yhatzee in the dizzy adventure game.
  • abombb - April 28, 2009 10:09 p.m.

    This could lead to some interesting discussions on the podcast. Good WTF article. Plus I would disagree with Alfred Chicken being on the list, because if we're included birds that are uncooked(and would not be edible), then Kazooie and Chocobos would beat Alred Chicken in a long shot. (Don't take my comment too seriously though, lol)
  • Shane1403 - April 28, 2009 7:56 p.m.

    who knew that heroes tasted so good?
  • bioshocker - April 28, 2009 7:09 p.m.

    aww I was gonna mention ecco the dolphin :( but I can confidently say "Why wasn't Kao the kangaroo in this list?" Kangaroo tastes like beef
  • Ravenbom - April 28, 2009 3:19 p.m.

    While a little greasy and gamey for some, I rather like a little Jazz Jackrabbit stew every now and then. I think I'm going to have an Ecco the Dolphin sandwich... I mean, Tuna Fish sandwich today for lunch.
  • Sash - April 28, 2009 7:36 a.m.

    James Pond anyone?
  • Gahmah - April 28, 2009 2:28 a.m.

    I think the child for gingerbread man was eating something with its eyes still uncooked.
  • ButtersPTOM - April 28, 2009 1:57 a.m.

    No Kirby? I hear he's one tough cream puff... :(
  • Romination - April 27, 2009 11:23 p.m.

    what about imagine party babies? those are the best food! they're more succulent than Toads and can have their skin used as boots or gloves! (Jonathan Swift totally agrees)
  • GoldenMe - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    Ugh, eggplants.
  • TheCrimsonChin - April 27, 2009 11:06 p.m.

    cool as a nitrogen cucumber god im hungry
  • garnsr - April 27, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    Ah, Eggplant Wizard. Irritating bastard, but cool.
  • Hobojedi - April 27, 2009 10:33 p.m.

    Speedy Eggbert?
  • derringer83 - April 27, 2009 10:26 p.m.

    "They didn't feel a thing. Honestly. It was quick." pretty much sums up why I come here.

Showing 1-20 of 46 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000


Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.