Wild Arms 4
Loved by: Senior Editor Christian Nutt
Emo anime crap is awesome (or awesomely terrible) if you're in the right frame of mind, but this game hates you... if you're over 15. The main theme of the game is: adults totally suck. They're going to screw you over, destroy your village, genetically alter you and generally do whatever it takes to ruin your life. And watch out... because in a few short years, you'll be one of them, with no choice but to act like a homicidal freak. It's sort of like an adolescent Chuck E. Cheese ad that's been watching too much Evangelion.
The elements of the plot that aren't completely off the rails are simply stolen from popular anime or other RPGs: the mysterious facility that processes children, the enemy ships suddenly proving there's an outside world the main character never knew about... and many less memorable (but just as unoriginal) twists. There's also the rogue's gallery of completely insane and stupid enemies you have to take down one by one by one - a Wild Arms signature that seemed sort of charming 10 years ago. Now it doesn't.
Above: Did we mention the creepy twin dolls? All of the enemy generals approach this level of so not cool
The best part is: when you get down to it, the gameplay is pretty much broken, too. The girl with mysterious powers (don't leave your quaint home village without one!) can call down attacks that destroy the entire enemy party pretty much whenever. This is great when you get bored of the game's battles - which are so unbalanced that little hooks like letting you start an encounter over again if your whole party dies were stuck in just to make things playable. The only truly decent element of the game is the 3D action - you run and jump through the dungeons. Is that what makes it seem playable? Who knows? Somehow, though, giving up doesn't seem like an option...
"I knew that this game wasn't very good when I reviewed it. I had a huge stack of much better RPGs (and hell, I still haven't played Resident Evil 4 or Metal Gear Solid 3) but I still couldn't put down the controller. What?" - Christian