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The Top 7... games that don't deserve nostalgia

 

Just about everyone born in the '80s was plopped in front of a blurry monochrome monitor to guide a team of wide-eyed pioneers across America's dangerous, untamed western expanse. And we happily loaded our wagons, chose our professions and shot our dinner with cheery glee, ensuring that years later an entire generation would fondly recall its time spent on the dusty trail.

 

But in all honesty, the only thing more torturously boring than Oregon Trail was sitting in class on a bright spring afternoon. Which, obviously, is why thousands, if not millions of gamers and non-gamers chat about the game as if it were legitimately entertaining. In the end, we only have nice thoughts about it because it kept us from doing more homework. But perhaps that was the point all along - to make us bond over a shared traumatic experience?



This sums it up pretty well. Ugly graphics (even for the time), arbitrary restrictions and a seemingly unending wave of dysentery kept everyone but the most eye-bleedingly bored kids away. But the love rages on well into the 2000s, as evidenced by many geek-chic references to a game that seems hell-bent on killing you and your entire family.

 

Perhaps the world's only shirt promoting dysentery from BustedTees.

 

Oops, spoke too soon - 80sTees wants you to crap your guts out too.

A real-life journey to Oregon as told by Flickr user dweekly. Funny, that's the face we made while playing it as kids.

According to Wikipedia, the Only Source of the Internet, Harrison Ford had dysentery while filming Raiders of the Lost Ark, and presidential hopeful John McCain suffered from it while a POW in North Vietnam. Wonder what their thoughts are on "You have died of dysentery" as a pop culture meme...

Topics

Top 7

73 comments

  • sean-wiederholt - May 31, 2014 8:38 p.m.

    So i played FFVII as a 12 year old when it first came out. I had played Cecils quest on final fantasy many times before, loving every second. I never got into FFVI which is considered by many to be the greatest rpg of all time. With that stuff said....7 knocked my pubescent socks off. Iplayed morning noon and night.... Missing school and sleep, grinding heavily to get those difficult weapons and materia. I finished playing this gem just recently and i was flush with nostalgia. Tears even. The music is responsible mostly to be honest. But it is STILL so wonderful. The story is trite, the sprites are blocky jenga messes, and sephiroth isn't that great of a villian. Jenova should've been the antagonist. And yet, with all its faults, even 14 years later, this game showed us what new tech can be and how accessible rpgs could be. It's not the greatest because of the sum of its parts, it's the greatest for how it changed the culture.
  • PatHan-bHai - March 11, 2013 8:18 a.m.

    *stupid-face* Final Fight was epic!! do not compare it with other 2d brawling crap!
  • wishingW3L - November 17, 2011 8:55 p.m.

    I played FFVII and FFIX for the first time ever in 2010 after beating FFXIII and I think that FFVII is not only much better than FFIX but it deserves all the praise and hype too. The game's amazing. My first FF game was FFVIII and after playing FFVII and couldn't believe what I was missing out. That part when u first get out of Midgar and see the open-world map for the first time is still striking even by today's standards. The way it opens up it's so masterful. If all those haters only took out the time to play the game beyond the first few hours in Midgar everybody would understand why this game has such a big legion on fans. And let me end this by saying that I used to be one of those blind haters.
  • Mezolitik - September 7, 2011 2:53 a.m.

    I think it's a little unfair to say that the characters were poorly realised. Pick any character, say Barrett; he had a ton of personality traits, as did Tifa. How else would we know that Barrett is an overprotective father-figure with a foul mouth, or that Tifa is a shy, determined, girl-next-door type? VII had significantly more character development than Fallout, the Witcher, Baldur's Gate, etc. In fact, with the possible exception of Dragon Age, there are very few RPGs with any character development at all, these days. It's a shame. And now that EA has got their claws into BioWare, the RPG scene has gone to the dogs.
  • Vordhosbn - September 7, 2011 2:22 a.m.

    The Nes Power Pad bit is pretty much my whole experience with the Wii.
  • liadz - September 7, 2011 1:32 a.m.

    I always thought the materia system had nothing of awesome about it. I see lots of people saying how innovative and customizable it is when it's not. Being able to combine some "all" materia with some magic damage materia is nothing to write home about. And about the graphic, I do agree. I didn't play this game in the year it was launched. I played it some time after 2000 and it looked so ugly compared with many other psx games, even with games from the same year like Xenogears (it uses sprites, but has 3d environments and giant robots), also I like the soundtrack but I prefer newer versions since the psx version had such a terrible sound. I like VII, more than VIII, but for me it still doesn't get close to look complete as games like Chrono Trigger or even Chrono Cross do. I'm playing VI right now and the cast of characters feels really more mature than VII, and also the game has a much better sad mood about it (and the soundtrack helps a lot). For me, VII is the beginning of the j-rock emo plot-hole driven RPGs in SquareSoft.
  • nosaints9 - July 19, 2011 6:04 p.m.

    Oregon Trail II was legit!
  • TR4rulez - July 8, 2011 2:42 a.m.

    A list like this is really hard too argue with, simply due to one unavoidable factor. It's merely opinion. I agree with some of the choices and remarks that were made in this article. On the other hand I highly disagree. Nostolgia is different for different people. So for those who have any nostolgic emotions for any of these games I can concur(sp). As far as Final Fantasy VII, I loved it and stil love it, but that said it is the first RPG I ever played, and that fact that it sold millions says to me that it is the first for many, so when you look at it from that perspective, It kind of makes sense why it's so highly "nostolgic."
  • BloodyShenlong - May 7, 2011 1:12 a.m.

    Fuck Final Fantasy. Period.
  • BladedFalcon - April 14, 2011 6:57 a.m.

    Tat doesn't make FFVII any less overrated, really.
  • Hydrall - February 21, 2011 4:03 a.m.

    I love how they called final fantasy 7 over rated when they gave freaking FF13 a god damned 10
  • g4m3rk1dd - January 8, 2011 11:48 p.m.

    give us a remake of FF7 and we wont get so nostalgic about it...duh...
  • Cloud1Fair3 - December 31, 2010 4:33 a.m.

    I didn't quite follow the editor's quote on Aeris, (yeah the original Japanese name) but if what he's saying is that Aerith is a character to spur pride in feminist gamers, I strongly disagree. The reason she is so popular is here modest passive personality she's the typical rpg girl with the lame (tee-hee) laugh. She might dress like a respectable woman but she screams sex appeal to fan boys and she's that quite, reserved side-kick female role not at all a strong female lead. Look at Tifa if you're looking for a more feministic female lead. Anyways, off that topic before I get an ulcer. Dude FFVII wasn't all that great, yes my name is based off of it's anthology but that's more because of crisis core and it's great story/cinematic cut scenes (which kicked ass!!!!). Albeit, it borrowed from VII's story obviously, being a prequel, VII's story is highly over-rated and Sephiroth is a long-haired, overpowered samurai dude, not that amazing by say Jecht's standards. You guys wan't to play a REAL definitive RPG play final fantasy X, that games has great combat (pokemon esque Aeons) a wonderful leveling system, a pretty good story (better than VII's at least) and a much bigger suprise than the death of Aeris (drop da bomb Tidus is a ghost total sixth sense shocker moment). Overall, I suprisingly am going to have to agree with GR on this one.
  • freestyler3rmg - October 22, 2010 7:26 a.m.

    finally... someone sane enough to understand that FFVII is just an ordinary games... I don't know about all the hype for FFVII (beside the graphic)... FFIX is better than FFVII...
  • TearsofLaughter - October 20, 2010 2:49 a.m.

    I'll have you all effen effs know that FF7 was indeed a ps1 game not a ps2 game.......wait what is everyone talkin about?
  • skatingsteve - October 18, 2010 7:27 p.m.

    This whole article is designed to insight flaming and arguments but FF7 is the definitive rgp/jrpg. It easily stands as one of the top 20 games ever made. The characters were well designed and the way in which the game gradually unfolds to give you more freedom allows the characters to become better understood too. FF6 was ok but far too linear. THE MOST ANNOYING THING HERE > The writer of this whole article has clearly never heard of headings. People cant be bothered reading pages of information about games they never played/had no interest in just to find out why they shouldnt like them anyway.
  • Ash9102 - September 11, 2010 8:44 p.m.

    I enjoyed Sonic Adventure. Sonic can grow into the 3d scene. It just needs to improve on its weaknesses AND LEAVE all the not needed additions. E.g Sonic unleashed and its were hog. =.=
  • Millikin - September 11, 2010 8:41 a.m.

    You're forgetting what it was like getting Sonic Adventure when the Dreamcast came out. The visuals were absolutely mind blowing. There was nothing on any other console that could compare. Sonic Adventure took a mostly 2D, pixellated character and gave him a 21st Century makeover that made Super Mario 64 look like a lumpy blu tak figure with paper squares tacked over it. What's more, Sonic's levels were jaw-dropping incredible. Even if the camera was a bit of a pain occasionally, for the first time in Sonic the Hedgehog history, we were running through a Sonic level... FAST!! Sonic ran so fast. The idea that Sega could design beautiful next gen levels only to whisk by them at 95mph was amazing, even if most levels stuck to floating, open air tracks. The plot and characters were as complicated as they could have been. Admittedly, Big the Cat was pointless, and the embodiment of Sega's preoccupation with a huge range of daft minigames, from kart driving to pinball to chao raising to fishing. However, Sonic Team were taking simple, largely silent characters with pretty plastic profiles (This is Sonic, he has an attitude. This is Tails, he's young and loyal. This is Knuckles, he's tough and brave but a bit of a blockhead) and giving them voices, opinions and individidual stories to play out that mesh together in the surprise ending chapter. Sonic Adventure may look silly now, but it is fully justified for haunting us with waves of nostalgia. I was introduced to Sonic through Sonic the Hedgehog 1, 2 and 3. I played Sonic Adventure when I was 10 or 11, and it absolutely blew my mind.
  • Ganonpork - July 24, 2010 7:04 a.m.

    ffIV is interesting until cosmo crater opens up, I like ff13 and ff6 better.
  • superdude22 - July 19, 2010 2:04 a.m.

    Dear Mr. Elston, I agree with many of the things you wrote in this article. I find that Terra and Cecil are much more interesting than a whiny emo Cloud. They actually develop throughout the story. Cloud is the same at the beginning as he is at the end except maybe more emo. Please write more articles such as this one.

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