The Top 7... game religions

A holy order that believes humans originated from a planet other than Earth. The Marker, an ancient relic found on an alien world, is all the proof their devout ranks need to trust in this belief. The leader of the religion, Michael Altman, was murdered mysteriously, making him a martyr in the process and strengthening faith in Unitology.

For a few measly, erm… all the money believers have, they can be brought into the warm, loving folds of Unitology. Unquestioning faith in their new religion, along with allowing the order complete control of their corpses when they kark it, will see them delivered to paradise.

Above: Can we get an Amen?

Families will not be given bodies for funerals or cremations when their relatives die. Although allegations that the deceased are stuffed onto planet-cracking ships to be harvested and turned into evil parasitic life forms is purely malicious gossip started by the Catholic Church. Still, not being too attached to what happens to your carcass after you bite it will serve believers well.

Above: Probably won't happen

Despite being murdered by LeChuck, the ghost priest Allegro Rasputin grew to respect the zombie pirate so much he erected a church for him. It resembles a Gothic cathedral in design and a river runs through it… albeit a river of lava.

Undoubtedly the main benefit to churchgoers' eternal spirits is the opportunity to bask in the gentle, unassuming presence of the greatest undead pirate who ever sailed the seven seas. The fearless, and in no way megalomaniacal LeChuck, is an inspiration to all decent folk. What’s more, the cathedral provides the perfect place for couples looking to get hitched.

Above: LeChuck - a hero if ever there was one

As long as churchgoers aren't too precious over the exact details of their marriage ceremony, there’ll be no problems. Say, for some strange reason, the happy couple have a disliking for being carried down a river of molten rock on a ship coated with asbestos before being killed on said asbestos-coated ship, well, then that could prove to be a stumbling block. Moaning babies.

Above: True romance

A group of religious zealots led by unhinged extremist Osmund Saddler. They unearthed a prehistoric parasite (Las Plagas) in rural Spain and went about implanting it in the surrounding town’s villagers. Eventually the whole region was assimilated into the cult through mass insertion of the mind-controlling bug.

Not only will disciples fit in and be accepted by their peers like never before, they’ll also have a burning sense of purpose. They'll be driven, focused – although not in a psychotic way devoid of freewill – and eager to get hands-on with their new religion. All new members will also get a chance to frolic with the area’s local wildlife.

Above: Man and nature coming together. Heartwarming <sniff>

There’s no strict guarantee that frolicking with the wildlife won’t involve having a parasite violently shoved down disciples' throats. If new members are unhappy with their treatment during any initiation ceremony that may take place or feel that their human rights have been violated, Lord Saddler welcomes complaints through the correct channels.

Above: This almost never happens to non-believers