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The Top 7... game religions

A holy order that believes humans originated from a planet other than Earth. The Marker, an ancient relic found on an alien world, is all the proof their devout ranks need to trust in this belief. The leader of the religion, Michael Altman, was murdered mysteriously, making him a martyr in the process and strengthening faith in Unitology.

For a few measly, erm… all the money believers have, they can be brought into the warm, loving folds of Unitology. Unquestioning faith in their new religion, along with allowing the order complete control of their corpses when they kark it, will see them delivered to paradise.


Above: Can we get an Amen?


Families will not be given bodies for funerals or cremations when their relatives die. Although allegations that the deceased are stuffed onto planet-cracking ships to be harvested and turned into evil parasitic life forms is purely malicious gossip started by the Catholic Church. Still, not being too attached to what happens to your carcass after you bite it will serve believers well.


Above: Probably won't happen

Despite being murdered by LeChuck, the ghost priest Allegro Rasputin grew to respect the zombie pirate so much he erected a church for him. It resembles a Gothic cathedral in design and a river runs through it… albeit a river of lava.

Undoubtedly the main benefit to churchgoers' eternal spirits is the opportunity to bask in the gentle, unassuming presence of the greatest undead pirate who ever sailed the seven seas. The fearless, and in no way megalomaniacal LeChuck, is an inspiration to all decent folk. What’s more, the cathedral provides the perfect place for couples looking to get hitched.


Above: LeChuck - a hero if ever there was one


As long as churchgoers aren't too precious over the exact details of their marriage ceremony, there’ll be no problems. Say, for some strange reason, the happy couple have a disliking for being carried down a river of molten rock on a ship coated with asbestos before being killed on said asbestos-coated ship, well, then that could prove to be a stumbling block. Moaning babies.


Above: True romance

A group of religious zealots led by unhinged extremist Osmund Saddler. They unearthed a prehistoric parasite (Las Plagas) in rural Spain and went about implanting it in the surrounding town’s villagers. Eventually the whole region was assimilated into the cult through mass insertion of the mind-controlling bug.

Not only will disciples fit in and be accepted by their peers like never before, they’ll also have a burning sense of purpose. They'll be driven, focused – although not in a psychotic way devoid of freewill – and eager to get hands-on with their new religion. All new members will also get a chance to frolic with the area’s local wildlife.


Above: Man and nature coming together. Heartwarming <sniff>


There’s no strict guarantee that frolicking with the wildlife won’t involve having a parasite violently shoved down disciples' throats. If new members are unhappy with their treatment during any initiation ceremony that may take place or feel that their human rights have been violated, Lord Saddler welcomes complaints through the correct channels.


Above: This almost never happens to non-believers

Topics

Top 7

70 comments

  • PatHan-bHai - March 4, 2013 1:19 a.m.

    :3
  • wtyonamefooo - August 27, 2010 3:16 a.m.

    HOLD ON SADDLER IM COMMIN!!!!!... i dont know i think id rather have something shoved down my throat than get injected with eggs PROPS FOR RESIDENT EVIL 5 CAUSE IT WASNT IN HERE... but i know this was made a year and 3 months ago, still id rather be a majini than an illuminado
  • thatonekid1995 - June 22, 2009 9:30 a.m.

    i love it when my religion simply asks for all my money and No questions asked...As long as others and my dead corpse will be reanimated by some weird plant/puke colored thing. Do it Altman - he's watching!
  • jonveck - May 20, 2009 6:31 p.m.

    Surprised that Ultima 7 was not on the list. The Fellowship was one of the first examples of a seemingly benevolent religion secretly founded around the summoning of an evil immortal with the average, good-meaning member being completely unaware of the neferious plan. But, hey, the Ultima series only has 10 games, 4 spin-offs, and one of the first successful MMORPGs, much better to include something from Halo.
  • erenelliekush - May 20, 2009 12:57 a.m.

    tho its not truely in any game, you guys should have mentioned the church of captain falcon
  • pogo - May 16, 2009 11:46 a.m.

    i definately agree with the children of atom and the covenant
  • TreyTable - May 15, 2009 11:14 p.m.

    you didn't include Xenogears?
  • bull06 - May 15, 2009 9:58 p.m.

    nice view on religions guys!!!
  • deathrebellion - May 14, 2009 2:29 p.m.

    i expected Re4 & Sparda's followers to be mentioned from DMC4 when i read the title but why no demonking??
  • CandiedJester - May 13, 2009 11:26 p.m.

    There was also a group of people in Fallout 3 who worshiped a mutated talking tree, They were called the TreeMinders. Fun group.
  • RSC - May 13, 2009 1:44 a.m.

    Why isn't Bible Games for NES on here????
  • wiitard07 - May 12, 2009 9:23 p.m.

    I love the Unitology entry and Los Illumindados picture of the Regenerator picture which seems offensive to me i'm from Wisconsin!!!!
  • DeadGirls - May 12, 2009 8:57 a.m.

    Too bad religion isn't confined only to games and movies. Why do people have to believe all that bullshit in real life?
  • Cernunnos - May 12, 2009 8:41 a.m.

    well, the Unggoy and Kig-Yar dont really have much faith, they just joined becase they would be squashed otherwise. the Jiralhaene i think mostly joined due to the technology. nerd rant over.
  • Mavarious - May 12, 2009 6:07 a.m.

    Like someone said earlier, the covenant picture is racist lol. It looks like the elite is eating the black guy's head and everyone's standing around smiling. Lol, that made me laugh, almost didn't notice that.
  • Hecktor - May 12, 2009 5:46 a.m.

    Gamesradar smells like my work socks after 12 hrs. All the Halo references in almost every article is pathetic. The games are overrated garbage.
  • sensualCentipede - May 12, 2009 4:08 a.m.

    is it me or did the dead space religion seem a lot like scientology?
  • missmonster - May 12, 2009 3:22 a.m.

    LOL! Maybe a little credit for using my tentacle jewelry for #7's artwork? Funny article though. Cheers! -missmonster.com
  • KatamariLovesSpock - May 12, 2009 1:25 a.m.

    It's a kick in the dick that the elites quite the Covenant, need someone to be badass on The Great Journey. x3
  • Koouunn - May 11, 2009 11:24 p.m.

    lol nice article

Showing 1-20 of 70 comments

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