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The Top 7... Franchise Embarrassments



Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest
(1992, SNES)

To be fair, Mystic Quest announced its intention to suck from the very beginning. With "entry-level role-playing adventure" printed right on the box, you knew you were buying a dumbed down bastardization of Final Fantasy. What you didn't realize was exactly how stupid you had to be to enjoy this.

The answer? Toddler stupid. Real Final Fantasy games give you an epic map to explore freely; Mystic Quest gives you a bunch of dots and lines to follow. Final Fantasy is full of numbers and stats and fractions; Mystic Quest has a health bar. Final Fantasy asks you to research weapons and armor; Mystic Quest automatically upgrades everything for you.

It gets worse. Enemies stand still in one place, waiting for you to attack them... or not. Your party size is maxed out at a whopping two. The worlds are called Foresta, Aquaria, Fireburg and Windia. Hmm, we dunno... will kids understand what Aquaria means? Better change it to Watertown.

Not surprisingly, the Japanese have completely disassociated themselves from this one, renaming it Final Fantasy USA in their country. We don't blame them.

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20 comments

  • BearzUnlimited - May 26, 2012 5:10 p.m.

    I haven't played it myself, but a lot of people thought Warrior Within played pretty well. . I listened to the soundtrack on Youtube, and the Godsmack songs were indeed bad, but the rest of it was great. True, the problem is that PoP isn't meant to have that dark, angry, "hardcore" style, but I wouldn't really say it's an embarrassment.
  • Superchops - August 2, 2011 9:51 p.m.

    I like the certainty that I can just skip to the end of the countdown and and KNOW that it'll be some CDi stuff. If it eases the pain, I recommend the video "Jonathan Swift Returns From The Dead To Eat A Cheese Sandwich". Best thing anyone's done to Faces Of Evil.
  • mrpibb - October 1, 2010 11:28 p.m.

    I'm pretty sure that Mystic Quest wasn't originally developed by Square, but they bought it and slapped the Final Fantasy brand on it
  • SYGZY - December 4, 2008 3:02 a.m.

    After watching that Faces of Evil, I got so scared... I hid in the tumble dryer.
  • cowboydan91 - October 25, 2008 8:21 p.m.

    great! I'll grab my stuff! lol
  • Nessrox - September 12, 2008 4:22 a.m.

    DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON LINK THE FACES OF EVIL!
  • sadowolf - September 10, 2008 6 a.m.

    warrior within wasnt THAT bad. it was a great game with image issues. PoP 3D was so much more worthy of the embarrassment title
  • alberiostar - September 8, 2008 10:04 p.m.

    wow. k. first. who cares. anus banna. vagina vacuum. piss in my eyesocket.
  • LucYou - November 8, 2008 7:28 p.m.

    Oh my god I saw the opening to Link Faces of Evil and took it as a joke and thought little more of it, but then my friend who is a fellow Zelda fanatic told me that it was'nt a joke and this abomination actually egsists! Philips I CURSE you!
  • key0blade - September 8, 2008 11:32 p.m.

    2 Removed comments...somebody's having a bad day.
  • alberiostar - September 8, 2008 10:05 p.m.

    sandpaper tampons. sorry forgot about that 1.
  • lukel127 - June 22, 2009 8:28 p.m.

    link isnt supposed to talk!!!!!! Keep it that way!!! My Boy! Lol
  • DragonSovereign - June 16, 2009 12:48 a.m.

    Must...resist...urge to kill myself...after seeing that-one-sorta-game--that-i'm-not-even-going-to-say-the-name-of-which-gives-zelda,-one-of-the-best-game-series-out-there-a-bad-name AGAIN. Seriously, that has got to be one of the worst games ever. It makes Sonic Unleashed look like Ocarina of Time. GamesRadar, the words you said on the final page are the truest words ever spoken. Except for "the cake is a lie"
  • Platypus96 - February 11, 2009 8:02 p.m.

    I think I'm going to cry after seeing faces of evil.
  • pjbuhl - February 3, 2009 1:27 a.m.

    o......m.........g faces of evil.......that is the worst abomination to ever grace my eyes ever... and who in the world was the arab on the flying carpet anyways??!?!?! i mean come on "how bout a kiss for good luck" FOR GOD'S SAKES MAN CUT THE CRAP.... and link is bored WTF?!?!?! i really do now want to go out and do what gamesradar did to the top 7 cute charecters you want to kill article on everyone who is responcible for that atrocious disrespect to a great franchise
  • KaylaKaze - December 17, 2008 1:02 a.m.

    Fallout: POS should have been on this list, not PoP. All of the Sands of Time games were great. You just didn't like the prince in WW 'cause you were jealous of his badass-ness (and Godsmack music). And Angry Videogame Nerd has a recent review of the CD-I Zelda games.
  • MOOMAN - August 4, 2009 7:52 p.m.

    *POPS EYES WITH GUNFIRE* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT STILL CANT BE UN-SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD KILL ME!
  • AA95mp - July 31, 2009 4:11 p.m.

    look at all those heads!!!!!! ROFL
  • ManDevil - June 12, 2009 10:51 p.m.

    To be fair Warrior within was a bit too "Hot Topic-esque"- The music sucked and he dressed like a reject from GWAR. The actual game was fantastic though, challenging, puzzling, gory and well animated. Much better than the current-gen snooze fest.
  • iKOemos - April 2, 2009 9:41 a.m.

    Final Fantasy USA! Hahahahaha

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