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The Top 7... Fictional Presidents

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CAMPAIGN PROMISES
- President Richardson promises not to min-max his strength, nor charisma
- President Richardson is willing to die without a fight
- President Richardson’s voice actor pleads no contest to all charges

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
You could call President Dick Richardson a prop president, a perpetuator of post-apocalyptic genocide, or even Dick Dickerson if you’re feeling hilarious. But at least he was a man who could get things done! And that’s how history would’ve remembered him... if all records of his presidency hadn’t been destroyed along with the Enclave’s oilrig at the end of Fallout 2.

So, before you liberal elites go apeshit over our defense of this genetic bigot, know this: He’s generous with information, and he’s easy to kill. He spills the beans about the Enclave’s plans for genetic supremacy faster than a Wall Street executive on minor charges of coke possession, all the while making absolutely no effort to save himself.


Above: Squint and you can see the President getting sawed in half

If this weren’t enough incentive to turn any one of us into an assassin, even if you didn’t want to self-impeach President Richardson (with any one of Fallout’s many methods of murderous disposal) you’d be neglecting the Presidential Access Card you received for killing him that let you turn gun turrets on their former masters. Make’s John Hinkely’s reasoning seem kinda ridiculous, no?

Taft’s Trivia: Fallout 3’s resident President is voiced by Malcolm McDowell. But did you know Fallout 2’s president was voiced by Jeffery Jones? Famous for, among other things, getting his cheese left out in the wind by Ferris Bueller and child pornography.


Above: “Call me sir, goddammit!”

 


CAMPAIGN PROMISES
- President Solidus believes there is a limit to The Patriots power
- President Solidus may elect to modify his genetics
- President Solidus believes giant metal robots will keep this country safeish

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
The fact that no one can remember exactly how Solidus rose to the highest office is a testament to his political dynamism. You can be sure of one thing: However he got himself elected (and re-elected, under the innocuous name of George Sears), you know it was through dirty pool. And we’re not talking “Karl Rove dirty” - this sadistic tyrant’s idea of a “Bent Chad” is a male pollster with his spine folded in half.  (That reference is eight years old!)

Following in the footsteps of many other Presidents, Solidus executed the Shadow Moses Incident, founded counterterrorist/terrorist Dead Cell, and had relations with no more than four Whitehouse interns. Ironically it was rebelling against “The Patriots” that forced him to resign from office, which does look like a career-ender when taken out of context.

For the sake of brevity, we’ll skip over his embarrassing defeat by an albino woman and his stolen corpse. Just know he eventually sprouted tentacles, alliances were betrayed, feelings were hurt and there was much spying had by all! Refer to our Metal Gear Timeline below for somehow less info.


Above: Totally accurate

What is known is that the man’s big on family. Thanks to some outlandishly ethical cloning Solidus is not only genetically kindred to Solid and Liquid Snake, he’s also a twin brother/son/dad to Big Boss, and simultaneously became adoptive father to she-male Raiden after he murdered his parents. How’s that for bi-partisan?!

Taft’s Trivia: Solidus was sworn in as Prezzie in his late 20’s, well under the minimum age requirement of 35! A nation failed to notice thanks to an accelerated-aging gene and a belly full of razzmatazz.

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Top 7

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29 comments

  • Shuuvuia - July 26, 2011 11:02 a.m.

    Anything with J.K. Simmons is hilarious.
  • TheWebSwinger - November 6, 2008 4:50 a.m.

    Chris Antista, you are my fucking hero. Let's go get a Burger, you bad dude. Ha! Ha! Ha!
  • quicksilver_503 - November 5, 2008 7:09 p.m.

    vote for me, if you want to live. :)
  • Defguru7777 - November 5, 2008 2:23 a.m.

    Funny article. Man, I'd vote for Ackerman. And Michael Wilson is the shit!! But I've already voted for Solidus. Sorry guys.
  • KHS_Kid - November 5, 2008 12:43 a.m.

    What about president eden from fallout 3
  • georgeguy - November 4, 2008 9:01 p.m.

    wow nice artial GR and the prez for dah deserves a mention...
  • Cwf2008 - November 4, 2008 1:59 a.m.

    Haha loved the first paragraph. I always knew GamesRadar had a sense of humor, but that joke about George W. Bush being a good president was the best joke i heard today.
  • metroid2099400 - November 4, 2008 1:28 a.m.

    I'd have to dissagree with some of the Halo comment. I've only played the first one, but there are clearly australian voices for some of the NPCs. otherwise a great article!!
  • mikeo1229 - November 3, 2008 11:51 p.m.

    The Ackerman stuff was great. "the Future is coming with armoured Kodiak bears, attack blimps, and enough weaponized robots to turn hope into a four letter word!"
  • Z-man427 - November 3, 2008 11:47 p.m.

    game presidents make Bush look like a very competent leader.
  • CuddlyBomber - November 3, 2008 11:21 p.m.

    Ah man I loled. Thats good shit Chris.
  • chrisat928 - November 3, 2008 11:20 p.m.

    I want to run for president and my platform would be banning douchebags that write 'FIRST!' in their messages.
  • ethanoyak14 - November 7, 2008 11:52 p.m.

    they should put the president from the sonic the hedgehog series
  • pdiddy0819 - November 6, 2008 8:53 p.m.

    funny article...get free wii/xbox 360/ps3 filling out surveys at-http://www.rewards1.com/index.php?referrer_id=448414
  • key0blade - November 6, 2008 12:54 a.m.

    Hilarious GR, yall make my days sometimes
  • Fisforfat - November 5, 2008 10:55 p.m.

    I like how Dubya is on the Cowboys
  • misfit119 - November 4, 2008 10:35 p.m.

    It's amazing that people think that firsting makes them cool or something. It takes a special sort of something to make an internet poster seem even lamer than normal but these firsters have definitely found it. And I remember President Ronnie in Bad Dudes, that was awesome.
  • FancyRat - November 4, 2008 8:37 p.m.

    I'd vote for you, chrisat928.
  • Kerfluffle - November 4, 2008 8:12 p.m.

    The President in Destroy All Humans! is President Huffman you kill/disintegrate him near the end of the game and then impersonate him as president. It does deserve an honorable mention.
  • Diamondis - November 4, 2008 7:23 p.m.

    Is it just me, or does Big Boss look like the floating head from the old Gamesmaster TV show on channel 4? lol

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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