The Top 7... Fictional Presidents

The all time greatest Kings of Democracy

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
You could call President Dick Richardson a prop president, a perpetuator of post-apocalyptic genocide, or even Dick Dickerson if you’re feeling hilarious. But at least he was a man who could get things done! And that’s how history would’ve remembered him... if all records of his presidency hadn’t been destroyed along with the Enclave’s oilrig at the end of Fallout 2.

So, before you liberal elites go apeshit over our defense of this genetic bigot, know this: He’s generous with information, and he’s easy to kill. He spills the beans about the Enclave’s plans for genetic supremacy faster than a Wall Street executive on minor charges of coke possession, all the while making absolutely no effort to save himself.


Above: Squint and you can see the President getting sawed in half

If this weren’t enough incentive to turn any one of us into an assassin, even if you didn’t want to self-impeach President Richardson (with any one of Fallout’s many methods of murderous disposal) you’d be neglecting the Presidential Access Card you received for killing him that let you turn gun turrets on their former masters. Make’s John Hinkely’s reasoning seem kinda ridiculous, no?

Taft’s Trivia: Fallout 3’s resident President is voiced by Malcolm McDowell. But did you know Fallout 2’s president was voiced by Jeffery Jones? Famous for, among other things, getting his cheese left out in the wind by Ferris Bueller and child pornography.


Above: “Call me sir, goddammit!”


CAMPAIGN PROMISES
- President Solidus believes there is a limit to The Patriots power
- President Solidus may elect to modify his genetics
- President Solidus believes giant metal robots will keep this country safeish

EXCELLENCE IN LEADERSHIP
The fact that no one can remember exactly how Solidus rose to the highest office is a testament to his political dynamism. You can be sure of one thing: However he got himself elected (and re-elected, under the innocuous name of George Sears), you know it was through dirty pool. And we’re not talking “Karl Rove dirty” - this sadistic tyrant’s idea of a “Bent Chad” is a male pollster with his spine folded in half. (That reference is eight years old!)

Following in the footsteps of many other Presidents, Solidus executed the Shadow Moses Incident, founded counterterrorist/terrorist Dead Cell, and had relations with no more than four Whitehouse interns. Ironically it was rebelling against “The Patriots” that forced him to resign from office, which does look like a career-ender when taken out of context.

For the sake of brevity, we’ll skip over his embarrassing defeat by an albino woman and his stolen corpse. Just know he eventually sprouted tentacles, alliances were betrayed, feelings were hurt and there was much spying had by all! Refer to our Metal Gear Timeline below for somehow less info.


Above: Totally accurate

What is known is that the man’s big on family. Thanks to some outlandishly ethical cloning Solidus is not only genetically kindred to Solid and Liquid Snake, he’s also a twin brother/son/dad to Big Boss, and simultaneously became adoptive father to she-male Raiden after he murdered his parents. How’s that for bi-partisan?!

Taft’s Trivia: Solidus was sworn in as Prezzie in his late 20’s, well under the minimum age requirement of 35! A nation failed to notice thanks to an accelerated-aging gene and a belly full of razzmatazz.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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