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The Top 7… extreme game character makeovers

2. Poison


Getting nipped and tucked between: The Japanese version of Final Fight and the English speaking versions

Before…

Jiminy Jillickers. As far as smoking hot late 1980s side-scrolling beat ‘em up vixens go, Final Fight’s sexy scrapper Poison and her fellow nubile pal Roxy would definitely make our top 20. The provocative garment that could almost pass for a top and the tiny hot pants shout 16-bit sexual confidence. And the M. Bison-aping hat lets any would be gentleman callers known who the boss in the 2D bedroom is. Commence the wolf whistles, boys.

After…


Above: We couldn’t find a large enough version of the dude Poison changes into, so you’ll have to make do with our artist’s rendition

Excuse us while we quickly upchuck every meal we’ve had over the last week. Oh right, did we forget to tell you that both of Final Fight’s murderous wenches are pre-op transgender women? Shit. But we definitely mentioned they became Sex Pistols-style punk dudes called Billy and Sid for the English translation versions, yeah? Oops. Our total bad.

Oprah! Make Over… Oh God, Whatever The Hell This Thing Is!


1. Bomberman


Getting nipped and tucked between: Almost every proper Bomberman ever and Bomberman: Act Zero

Before…

Awwww, shucks. Just look at that little guy’s face. Those huge, only slightly terrifying peepers, the total omission of anything resembling a mouth or nose, that fetching onsie-esque look he’s going for; damn is Bomberman ever cute. Not only does his almost explosion-proof suit emphasise our little man’s cuddly frame, it also promotes his feminine side. After all, anyone who can so confidently sport a pair of leggings must be in touch with his softer side. Truly a post modern, forward-thinking hero for our cutting edge society.

After…

Oh hells no. What did they do to our beloved bomber in 2006’s atrocious Bomberman: Act Zero? Playing a realistic, edgy version of our cute explosion expert was about as high up on our wish list as ‘contract a festering STD that’ll rot our unmentionables off’ and ‘watch Godfather III again’. Developers Hudson Soft even gave us the option to turn the little dude into a disturbingly shapely chick who flaunts an outfit that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Why is there never any pepper spray kicking about when you want to give yourself a good maceing?

Oprah! Make Over My Man!

Jan 18, 2010



The Top 7... "That’s a Dude!?" game characters
It’s time for androgyny



Before and after: the games that changed during development
From the first glimpse to the final game, see how these titles were nipped and tucked

The Top 7... '90s games that need HD remakes
We're not graphics whores, but an update would really benefit these aging classics

Topics

Top 7

58 comments

  • 2cute2Bcruel - September 25, 2010 2:40 a.m.

    Poison was really sexy before! Ugh. The Prince from Warrior Within was full of SUCK. Oh, and latent misogyny.
  • 8bitBaby - January 27, 2010 3:30 p.m.

    everyone went gritty and "dark" all of a sudden. Bomberman/woman might be the worst of them all.
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  • Blackviperr - January 25, 2010 12:20 p.m.

    Omg poison for final fight was so friggin HOT!! why in hell did they make her a man.. Geez sick X-(.. That's like making mario a fat plumber.. wait.. wut?
  • jackthemenace - January 22, 2010 7:04 p.m.

    WHOA, what the hell did they DO to bomberman!?
  • AndyGiff93 - January 21, 2010 11:19 p.m.

    My favourite part was the "are you having a giraffe son?". Oprah always makes me laugh with her cockney rhyming slang...
  • FantasticMrStarFox - January 20, 2010 6:31 p.m.

    poor bomberman.
  • LizarDAZZLE - January 20, 2010 4:01 a.m.

    wait - so... What DID they do to posion. Like, In the game itself?
  • Silvermech - January 20, 2010 2:41 a.m.

    Poor Poor Bomber Man.
  • Defguru7777 - January 20, 2010 1:57 a.m.

    Man, Halo's graphics really improved between Halo 1 and 2. That Poison section had me laughing and throwing up at the same time. A perfect Oprah picture to go with it. Speaking as someone who isn't a fan of Bomberman, I think the new one actually looks cool. Make of that what you will.
  • Scotch - January 20, 2010 1:14 a.m.

    haha hilarious, and imagining oprah with a brit accent hurts my brain XD love the article
  • JackSkellingtonsSkin - January 20, 2010 12:38 a.m.

    The weather in the North Pole is extreme, blowing up abortion clinics is extreme.What makes this extreme.
  • zanthox - January 19, 2010 11:24 p.m.

    Great article, really funny stuff.
  • GameManiac - January 19, 2010 10:48 p.m.

    Master chief was a great improvement. Prince of Persia went all WTF. Bomberhand on the other hand, made me literally say "What in the fuking?!?!"
  • ZombieAmmy - January 19, 2010 9:29 p.m.

    Well it is good to know that games radar is tolerant towards trans genders people :I
  • DriveShaft - January 19, 2010 9:18 p.m.

    About Redfield, the guy who played Matt in the first movie actually looks liek the original Chris, but fucking Wentworth Miller? x] Chris Redfield on roids vs. Brucie from GTA4, that would be epic x]
  • Pocotron - January 19, 2010 8:42 p.m.

    How about Jak from Jak II? He went all rogue and whatnot.
  • Optimaximal - January 19, 2010 4:41 p.m.

    Interesting how Poison is 'noted' as having 'changed into a man'... Someone needs to check into the characters back story :)

Showing 1-20 of 58 comments

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