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The Top 7… extreme game character makeovers

5. Chris Redfield


Getting nipped and tucked between: Resident Evil Code: Veronica and Resident Evil 5

Before…

Just look at him up there. Those fresh-faced looks. That quiet, pensive smile. The little twinkle in his eye, long before they were deadened by five games worth of murderising zombies, zombie dogs, zombie frog things, zombie sharks, zombie... screw it. You get the point. Anyhoo, Resident Evil’s original mangler of the undead used to be such a likeable chap. Inoffensive and boyish, yet filled with a quiet authority. What a dreamboat.

After….

Woah, fancy cutting back on the bull shark steroids, pal? With arms the size of Redwoods and an almost unrecognisable mug from Code Veronica’s Chris, this Resi 5 reboot might as well be a different character. Sure, he can bench press the entire continent of Africa, but he’s lost that slightly homicidal boy next door quality that used to make him so endearing. We ain’t digging the khakis either.

Oprah! Make Over My Man!


4. Lara Croft


Getting nipped and tucked between: Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness and Tomb Raider Legend

Before…

Old Chesty McBoob used to have a frame that could only end in one thing: crippling back spasms followed by a life constricted to a wheelchair. Not only was Miss Croft’s stick-like figure – seriously, we think her arms are made out of twigs – horribly unequipped to support her robust assets, this Angel of Darkness iteration looks like an emotionless wax model.

After…

Ah, now this is more like it. Tomb Raider Legend’s Lara is positively glowing. A realistic waist – well, for someone who only throws up every second meal – a face that actually looks like, y’know, a human and a fetching new wardrobe. A picture of health next to her creepy, emotionally crippled predecessor, this is a Lara we’d more than like to get to grips with. If you catch our really sleazy, vaguely stalky drift.

Oprah! Make Over My... Erm Woman?


3. Eli Vance


Getting nipped and tucked between: Half-Life and Half-Life 2

Before…


Above: Though he was never officially named in Half-Life, this is definitely Eli in all his semi deformed glory

Ewwww. Sorry to tell you this Eli, but having your clothes physically painted onto your body is sooooo 1998. Weird body paint aside, we do like the hints of grey sprouting from our boy’s distinguished, well-maintained locks. Sadly, they can’t distract from the Half-Life character’s hideously disfigured abominations he’s unlucky enough to call hands <shudder>. Just how are you supposed to pick up beakers full of oozing green liquid and other scientician type things with those mitts of death?

After…

Pass us some buckets of ice water, because we need a rigorous cooling down. Seriously, our favourite peg-legged science man is looking fine after his Half-Life 2 redesign. The well kempt greying face fuzz, those dignified wrinkles; yup, this is a man who knows his scientific shit. Although you can’t see it in the shot above, his prosthetic leg gives him a dangerous edge that juxtaposes those dreamy eyes… sorry, we’re getting lost in them again… eh, perfectly.

Oprah! Make Over My Man!

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58 comments

  • 2cute2Bcruel - September 25, 2010 2:40 a.m.

    Poison was really sexy before! Ugh. The Prince from Warrior Within was full of SUCK. Oh, and latent misogyny.
  • 8bitBaby - January 27, 2010 3:30 p.m.

    everyone went gritty and "dark" all of a sudden. Bomberman/woman might be the worst of them all.
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  • Blackviperr - January 25, 2010 12:20 p.m.

    Omg poison for final fight was so friggin HOT!! why in hell did they make her a man.. Geez sick X-(.. That's like making mario a fat plumber.. wait.. wut?
  • jackthemenace - January 22, 2010 7:04 p.m.

    WHOA, what the hell did they DO to bomberman!?
  • AndyGiff93 - January 21, 2010 11:19 p.m.

    My favourite part was the "are you having a giraffe son?". Oprah always makes me laugh with her cockney rhyming slang...
  • FantasticMrStarFox - January 20, 2010 6:31 p.m.

    poor bomberman.
  • LizarDAZZLE - January 20, 2010 4:01 a.m.

    wait - so... What DID they do to posion. Like, In the game itself?
  • Silvermech - January 20, 2010 2:41 a.m.

    Poor Poor Bomber Man.
  • Defguru7777 - January 20, 2010 1:57 a.m.

    Man, Halo's graphics really improved between Halo 1 and 2. That Poison section had me laughing and throwing up at the same time. A perfect Oprah picture to go with it. Speaking as someone who isn't a fan of Bomberman, I think the new one actually looks cool. Make of that what you will.
  • Scotch - January 20, 2010 1:14 a.m.

    haha hilarious, and imagining oprah with a brit accent hurts my brain XD love the article
  • JackSkellingtonsSkin - January 20, 2010 12:38 a.m.

    The weather in the North Pole is extreme, blowing up abortion clinics is extreme.What makes this extreme.
  • zanthox - January 19, 2010 11:24 p.m.

    Great article, really funny stuff.
  • GameManiac - January 19, 2010 10:48 p.m.

    Master chief was a great improvement. Prince of Persia went all WTF. Bomberhand on the other hand, made me literally say "What in the fuking?!?!"
  • ZombieAmmy - January 19, 2010 9:29 p.m.

    Well it is good to know that games radar is tolerant towards trans genders people :I
  • DriveShaft - January 19, 2010 9:18 p.m.

    About Redfield, the guy who played Matt in the first movie actually looks liek the original Chris, but fucking Wentworth Miller? x] Chris Redfield on roids vs. Brucie from GTA4, that would be epic x]
  • Pocotron - January 19, 2010 8:42 p.m.

    How about Jak from Jak II? He went all rogue and whatnot.
  • Optimaximal - January 19, 2010 4:41 p.m.

    Interesting how Poison is 'noted' as having 'changed into a man'... Someone needs to check into the characters back story :)

Showing 1-20 of 58 comments

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