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The Top 7... evil corporations

Umbrella Corporation – Resident Evil 5


A brief history of the company:

The Umbrella company began in 1968, but not as an evil rainy day accessory manufacturer.



Their official line is that they’re a bioengineering pharmaceutical company formed by three men, Ozwell E. Spencer, Dr. James Marcus and Edward Ashford (not that you care what their names are), all set on dipping their greedy hands into the fields of medical hardware, defense and computers - evil computers.  Of course, while those are all profitable, successful and legal sectors of the Umbrella Corp., the company can’t seem to keep itself from developing viruses to turn people into nearly invincible zombies and “accidentally” infecting highly populated areas.



Why it’s eviler than your company:

Umbrella’s bad rep comes mostly from their zombie virus manufacturing habit. The three boys who started the company were never really interested in putting their MBAs to work. They’d stumbled onto something they named the “Progenitor virus” and a company became a cover for their spooky lab work. The name “Umbrella” was probably just to throw off investigators. Unfortunately, Ashford died shortly after the company’s inception, and Spencer had Dr. Marcus killed because he was jealous of his research skills.


Above: An Umbrella employee working hard on science

Afterwards, Spencer was able to continue Marcus’s work, and he developed the most powerful bio-weapon ever: the T-virus. Until Umbrella perfected the new best virus ever, the G-virus. Also, after that, the T-Veronica virus and the Nemesis parasite were, at one time or another, the most deadly virus ever, depending on which Resident Evil you’re playing.


Aperture Science – Portal


A brief history of the company: 

According to their website, Aperture Science began as a small science team, created by Cave Johnson in 1953, to manufacture shower curtains for the US military, but while experimenting with new plastics they stumbled onto a way to create a quantum tunnel through physical space – just kidding! That’s ridiculous.

In 1978 Cave Johnson got mercury poisoning and went crazy. That prompted him to split the company into three major divisions. Instead of focusing on military shower accessories, Aperture started its Heimlich counter-maneuver research, a Take-A-Wish Foundation and – the third division – a “man sized ad-hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain.”

The first two divisions failed completely, but the third got the attention of the US government after initial tests showed promising results. Similarly to their chief competitors, the Black Mesa Research Facility, Aperture Science struck it big when they started receiving the big government bucks, which means your tax dollars funded two of the top seven evilest companies – super.



Why it’s eviler than your company:

In 1986, Aperture began research on a “genetic lifeform and disk operating system” or GLaDOS, but the scientists got a bit too excited and someone hit the on switch before installing the morality core – a totally real part of all disk operating systems. As it was designed to do, GLaDOS assumed control of the entire secret underground science facility, including a deadly neurotoxin Aperture was storing a bit too close to the AC. But without all of its philosophical hardware installed, GLaDOS decided to vent the toxin into the air, as supercomputers have a proclivity to do when allowed to run secret bases.


Above: Modern secret science laboratories are run on Windows

The next evil step was to force solitary prisoners through a series of puzzle chambers to, presumably, test their ability to manipulate Aperture’s handheld portal generating device, rate their psychological strength and get them to have tons of fun.

GLaDOS, as everyone knows, promised participants cake at the end of the ordeal, but instead of receiving a delicious dessert treat, participants were generally lit on fire. Certain death isn’t an unheard of reward for many corporations (traditionally it’s paired with a gold watch), but the false expectations of cake paired with the promise of death make Aperture the evilest company ever.

Jul 20, 2009 




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89 comments

  • PatHan-bHai - March 1, 2013 11:37 a.m.

    haah!!! i've never even liked pokemon :P
  • ImAliveOMG - March 12, 2010 10:37 p.m.

    Okay, sorry. Scratch that previous comment of mine. Ultor IS mentioned in RF:G. I'm going back through the game to see if I misunderstood anything. Anyways, I listened to what the guys were saying during the mission "Ultor Echo" and it turns out that the destroyed factory in it is an abandoned Ultor complex. So sorry about that last comment.
  • ImAliveOMG - March 10, 2010 6:04 a.m.

    I don't know where you're getting the Ultor stuff in RF:G from. I played the story mode and Ultor was only breifly mentioned during a news cast. I haven't played Saints Row yet so that might be why I don't understand but if somebody could explain it to me in greater detail that would save me the trouble of going back through RF:G and shelling out enough money to get Saints Row and Saints Row 2.
  • GameManiac - October 24, 2009 5:32 a.m.

    I always DID think that there was something out-of-the-ordinary about that Silph company from the Pokemon games...
  • ItIsTime - August 8, 2009 9:16 p.m.

    What about the Agency from Crackdown? First they run the police force into the ground and put three gangs into power. Then they kill off all three gangs so they can put themselves in as a communist government. Anyone who dose that has to be evil.
  • FamousMortimer - August 4, 2009 12:40 a.m.

    I know I'm super late on this... but don't forget the Armacham Corporation from the F.E.A.R. series. Among their offences: -Creating an abomination of a little girl with the DNA of Armacham's corporate officers and chief scientists. -Using that little girl as a research guinea pig in order to create an army of soulless man-like creatures to serve as highly trained cannon fodder -Impregnating said little girl -Putting said litttle girl into a medically-induced coma after birth, naturally stealing her child for nefarious purposes -Finally killing said girl, not through a quick act of violence, but by withholding food and sustenance, and allowing her to slowfully waste away.
  • reaperman22 - July 24, 2009 12:24 p.m.

    hey Exella isnt part of umbrella but she is just as dambed evil so i'll excuse you GR
  • G1drake - July 24, 2009 12:20 p.m.

    umbrella....evil...NO WAY! well at least theres no company like that here(why that AVON comercial looks like umbrella comercial?)
  • KodeKobra - July 24, 2009 6:46 a.m.

    There are two major companies missing: Sony DADC (makers of SecuROM) and Microsoft for Vista-only games
  • Thirteenth - July 23, 2009 11:46 p.m.

    I guess there probably is alot of this comment before i post this, but 11 x 60 is not 666 it's 660, 11,1 x 60 (or 111 x 6) = 666
  • RandomIdoit - July 23, 2009 10:39 p.m.

    A few things wrong with the silph co. entry. 1.) 11*60=660, as mentioned earlier. Where did you get that 60 anyways? 2.) How would you have "Ancient, Legendary pokemon" if they came from a modern (or futuristic?) company. 3.) They may be the main makers of pokeballs, but they do have competition. 4.) How do you know that pokeballs are just plastic baseballs, do you work for them or something? whew... finally done with that.
  • Coolbeans69 - July 23, 2009 12:41 a.m.

    11 X 60 is 660 not 666
  • Hydrohs - July 22, 2009 4:32 p.m.

    Silph Co. Is not the only maker of PokeBalls. There is also the Devon Corporation which makes much better PokeBalls. And then there's poor old Kurt who takes a day to make on PokeBall... But still.
  • NovaProspekt - July 22, 2009 3:51 p.m.

    I was dissapointed that Black Mesa wasn't number one...Until I got to the end and saw that Aperture Science was the worst, and I was happy again. I wish I had a GLaDOS in my house :-(
  • bonerachieved - July 21, 2009 6:35 p.m.

    This is amazing haha, i love it, keep up the good work guys
  • HungryBeaver - July 21, 2009 6:07 p.m.

    Hey GR, maybe you should learn some math - 11 x 60 = 660 not 666. Its simple math. reCAPTCHA - pine leopards
  • v3mEpiDemiC - July 21, 2009 4:23 p.m.

    Shinra should be number 1.I mean using the souls of dead people for power is the worst thing you could do.God can't be to happy about that.
  • infern0 - July 21, 2009 1:38 p.m.

    Protip: save the hobo because you are in a river and all it would take is one shock from that startled pichu to turn you into toast plus the homeless guy probably has booze.
  • infected123 - July 21, 2009 7:43 a.m.

    oh no not first at all :(
  • infected123 - July 21, 2009 7:42 a.m.

    why is nintendo or sony not on their? nintendo because they allow all that stuff like imagine babiez on their console and have confusing internets friends codes and think that gamers at conferences want to see "wii music" and stuff. (dont get me wrong people are fair enough if people want to play on it but cmon a room filled with gamers) sony because ykno the hole mega arragonce thing and its console cant do much well other than graphics (admitidly badass graphics) p.s anyone who says microsoft are evil because of being greedy and money grabbing, get your facts right the reason that you have to get ads on xbox live and pay2play is because they set the base console cost cheaper than the production cost hoping to make money on xbox live subsrictions. aditionally anyone who plans to call me a fanboy. stfu i own a ps1 (from way back) that i still love to play with, a ds lite, and a 360. i own stuff from all 3 of them, call me a fanboy now! first

Showing 1-20 of 89 comments

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