E3 is upon us again, flaunting its wares like a Victorian hussy baring an ankle to titillate the gentlemen of the day. But what if said ankles were bogus? What if they were wooden mock-ups of ankles? Or worse still, what if the ankles were real, but the lady was offed by suit-wearing businessmen before we ever got to see some thigh? This analogy's getting disturbing, so let's just get this straight. There are no ankles in this feature - only games. Games that were shown at E3, got us all excited, then vanished without trace.
2009 was meant to be a BIG year for PSP, the console which still doesn't feel like it's out of its 'launch window', even though the damn thing was released in 2004. It's been taking up shelf space for six and a half years. Realising its stagnation, Sony made a big deal of it at this particular E3, announcing several big-name games. We saw some of them come to decent fruition, like Soul Calibur, LittleBigPlanet and ModNation Racers. So where's Resi?
Above: Two years have passed. In less than one more, PSP will have been made obsolete by NGP. Hmmm...
Do they think we've forgotten about it? Can't they hear our custom zombie-eating cutlery banging on the table in impatience? All we ever saw was a title, but it was enough to get us excited. Yet, with NGP coming at the end of the year, it's hard to believe it's ever going to happen on PSP1. Annoying thing is, Capcom simply won't be drawn on the subject. So we have to believe it's still coming because that's what we were last told.
Online retailers still seem to think it's coming (see right). As our mamas always told us: "You should always be ready for the zombie holocaust, whether that means keeping a cricket bat beside your bed, or listing Resident Evil Portable for pre-order". But one listing still says the game is being 'developed with the PSP Go in mind'. That'll be the same PSP Go that's just been discontinued then, yeah?
Likelihood of showing up:
This was going to get a paltry 2/5 Ryo Hazuki heads. It's no-show status up until now suggests it's being held back for NGP, or even migrated to 3DS in the form of Resident Evil: Revelations, which definitely does exist. A bespoke entry in the Resi series appearing on the original PSP now (especially if it's 'designed for PSP Go') sounds ludicrous. But then, as I type this very article, I glance at GamesRadar.com and see this advertisement:
So who knows?
Fake? Of course it was a fake – it appears this was yet more 'target footage' from that infamous 2005 PS3 reveal that supposedly showed what PS3 was capable of. This shooter made us all coo like doves sitting on a particularly impressive marble statue that can fall apart when it gets shot. That's right, this was the 'marble statue' game that made us all suspect Xbox 360 was about to be blown out of the water. Only it wasn't because the reason said marble statue looks amazing is because it's pre-rendered by a PC. Look:
Looking at it with our 2011 eyes, everything about the trailer looks suspicious now – the quality of the physics on the broken glass, the solidness of the environments' destruction, the smooth animations and camera movements, the glorious high-res textures all the way through the halls, ceiling and floors. Sure, given what devs have learned in that time, PS3 probably could do a slightly scruffier version of this game. But instead we were left to forget about it, and sometimes wonder where on earth that marble statue of Atlas ever got to. Stupid statue. If ever there was a monument to disappointment and empty promises, it's this fella.
Above: "Hey," said the protagonist. "When are you going to be this shiny in a real game?" Atlas shrugged...
Likelihood of showing up:
It's vapourware. Ah, but is it? Ubisoft reportedly filed for a trademark in 2009 of the name 'Killing Day', which means it was still under consideration some four years after the E3 reveal. However, it's been another two years since that glimmer of hope. And even now that CG video still looks slightly too slick for current gen machines to pull off. So... nope. Not gonna happen.