5. SCARFACE: THE WORLD IS YOURS
Site of incident:
Anywhere you’ve been swimming for too long
When you’re playing their game, the makers of Scarface: The World is Yours want you to think and act like Cuban drug kingpin Tony Montana. As such, activities like jacking cars and harming civilians are generally discouraged, if not outright forbidden. Also, Tony wouldn’t just walk down to the beach and go swimming in an expensive ‘80s suit. And if you decide to do this terrible thing, then there’s a special punishment in store.
Above: It’s a beautiful day and absolutely nothing could go wrong
See, Tony Montana might be the baddest thing on land in Miami, but if he ventures too far out to sea – or just stays in the water too long – his status on the food chain drops dramatically. You’ll know it’s hit rock-bottom when, all of a sudden, you stop moving and your HUD disappears.
Then we’re treated to a shot of Tony looking around at the water, apparently confused…
Above: “Did I lose my keys?”
And the next thing you know he’s just a blood spray and a Wilhelm scream.
Above: Oh well, at least he’s still got his word
Hey, wait, where have we seen a shark leap up like that before?
Above: Oh, right
The whole spectacle is brief, to the point and teaches a valuable lesson about not going swimming, ever. And you can see it in action right here:
4. ARMED AND DANGEROUS
Site of incident:
After so many games in which sharks play the villain, it’s nice to see a rare instance of them helping you out. This is thanks to the Land Shark Gun, also known as “The Best Thing about Armed and Dangerous.”
Above: So awesome, they put it right there on the cover
A vital tool in the arsenal of Armed and Dangerous’ weirdo freedom fighters, the Land Shark Gun works by storing a land shark embryo, which grows to maturity seconds after it’s launched out of the gun. It then tunnels through the ground at alarming speeds, with nothing but a fin to tell you where it is.
Then, suddenly, it’ll disappear. If it’s your first time firing the Land Shark Gun, you might think you’ve spawned a dud. That is, until the enemy you targeted starts looking at his feet nervously. You know, sort of like Tony Montana did in that last entry.
Above: “Shit, I did lose my keys!”
That’s about the moment when your friend the Land Shark lunges out of the ground, half-swallowing your enemy before yanking him down into the earthy deep.
The best part of this deal is that Land Sharks have a huge appetite, so the first one you launched will go on killing…
And if you launch two of them at the same time, you’ll wreak all sorts of havoc, which you can observe in the video below:
There, now aren’t you sorry you didn’t buy this when it was in stores? If so, then we’ve done our jobs as whiny perpetuators of consumer guilt.
3. RESIDENT EVIL
Site of incident:
The Aqua Ring
It’s difficult to think of an encounter with sharks that’s more genuinely nerve-wracking than the one in the GameCube remake of Resident Evil. In the PSone original, the sharks were little more than slow-moving blobs that tried to bite you to death in a squarish room filled with shallow water.
Above: The “fearsome” original Neptune
In the REmake, meanwhile, your meeting with the sharks thrusts you out onto narrow catwalks in a vast circular room filled with water that, while still only waist-high for you, can hold considerably more shark. And not only are the new game’s mutant sharks considerably more detailed – and therefore more terrifying – than their 32-bit counterparts, but they’re a lot faster, a lot more aggressive and a lot more bitey. And they aren’t even the worst thing in the room.
No, the real terror here is the revamped Neptune, reborn as a mammoth zombie shark that is, at first, only visible as a huge, looming shadow that patrols the bottom of the Aqua Ring.
Above: You probably don’t want to see what that looks like up close
Stay in one place for too long – like you would if, say, you were to stand and fight the sharks – and that shadow will lunge up out of the water and instantly chomp the life out of you. You’re so dead that there isn’t even a body to show during the “You Are Dead” screen – just a puddle of blood.
Above: Of course, you’ll only see this if you stand around out in the open like an idiot
Because going toe-to-toe with the sharks will almost invariably end with your death, the smart thing is to run to the control room to drain the water – at which point you’ll get another, not-so-lethal face-to-face meeting with our buddy Neptune.
Even once you’ve drained the room, the threat isn’t over – while the sharks might be gasping for air and on their last legs, you’ll still have to edge past the seemingly dead Neptune in order to get to a dangling key for one of the rooms above the Aqua Ring. And as soon as you grab it, Neptune thrashes back to life, giving you the option of A) electrocuting him, B) shooting him to death or C) stepping down from the safety of your platform and immediately being perforated by shark teeth and presumably dismembered and swallowed in a zombie shark’s final act of revenge/hunger.
Above: It's seen from underwater and therefore hard to make out, but trust us - this is Jill being mauled to death
Naturally we’ve captured the whole thing on video, which you can observe below: