The Top 7... Cringeworthy Kisses

When these characters lock lips, the results are more repulsive than romantic

Words: Charlie Barratt on February 9, 2009

The film: The Wizard

The couple: Corey and Haley, two plucky youngsters brought together by money, videogames and a fondness for the mentally challenged. Also, cheesy 1980s dialogue and equally cheesy 1980s hairdos. Played, respectively, by the director of Daddy Day Camp and the lead singer of Rilo Kiley.

The moment of horror: Hedgehogs humping humans. Frogs mating with royalty. Badly textured robots drooling over waxy lipped mannequins. Canoodling corpses and citywide orgies. As much as we cringe at the sight of all these moments, none compare to the revolting power of young love.

Sonic, after all, is nothing but a voice and smattering of pixels. He can only do so much harm. Fred Savage and Jenny Lewis, on the other hand, are all too real... flesh-and-blood actors teetering terrifyingly between childhood and adulthood, assaulting your senses with a thousand awkward glances and precocious gestures within a single minute. Are we disgusted by the silly Nintendo dialogue and hammy Hollywood acting, or by the unsettling familiarity to this time in all of our lives? We don’t even want to know.

Feb 9, 2009

The Top 7... Damsels You Don’t Want to Save
Forget chivalry. These ladies deserve distress

Videogame Valentines
Say it to your sweetheart with witty gaming cards instead of Hallmark crap

The Top 7... Blue Ball Moments
The adventure may be over, but where's our happy ending?

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, PC, Wii, DS, PSP, GameCube, Xbox

Topics:

Top 7

57 comments

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Mecha - January 3, 2010 1:15 a.m.

UH!!!!Sick.
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tvGamer13 - October 21, 2009 11:10 p.m.

That was so creepy with the audio clip ang the wizard
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CARLINNIT - July 30, 2009 7:51 p.m.

But Indigo Prophecy is so awesome! In the UK version, there is a playable sex scene. Awkward.
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albinomonkey90 - May 9, 2009 11:53 p.m.

Sonic and Elise? isnt that illegal
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willyfoureyes - February 28, 2009 11:38 a.m.

Poor Fred Sav--I mean Cory Woods. He'll forever have those cries of "AHHHHH! He touched my breast!" stuck in his head. That's the closest he's ever going to get to scoring with Haley.
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Melik - February 18, 2009 6:43 p.m.

What About San Andreas Co-Op Kiss?
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Stuffgamer1 - February 13, 2009 3:30 p.m.

That kiss in Enter the Matrix was obviously SUPPOSED to be like that because the woman was being FORCED to kiss. If you really expect her to show boatloads of hot romance under those circumstances, you're obviously paying too much attention to the kiss and not enough to the story. I also disagree that the kiss the The Wizard was cringe-inducing. Kinda stupid, yeah, but more worth laughing at than cringing. How he got away with that stunt, I'll never know. Oh, wait. Scriptwriting. Of course! :P
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tehperson123412 - February 12, 2009 11:59 p.m.

sonelise doesn't even look like sonic it looks live some sh***y cross-over with a franchise that hardly anyone knows or cares about.
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Filer007 - February 12, 2009 11:32 p.m.

Oh I wish upon a star, that the last kiss was seen from so far, we couldn't see it. God I epreciate my girlfriend.
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infiniti101 - February 10, 2009 5:31 p.m.

Eugh... *shudders*
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Dr.Salvador - February 10, 2009 11:48 a.m.

lol o ye by the way... BLARGH!!!!!!!
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dougle - February 10, 2009 9:53 a.m.

i hate video game kisses with the exception being jak & ashlyn(or is that ashlin?..no matter)at the end of jak3
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Ravenbom - February 10, 2009 5:24 a.m.

@ iluvmyDS that's not the canonical ending. That's like the 4th or 5th ending that you can get. You have to beat the game and get the first ending that you can get, and start a new game + and then do a few things in a certain way at a certain time to get that ending. So it's not actually a spoiler. Unless you're pissed off that you know who did the "Sound Program" now. @ Charlie, best top 7 you've done yet. Maybe the best GR article this year so far. Probably because it ends with my long time crush Jenny Lewis. I'm expecting you on TalkRadar this week since you did the Top7 this week. Don't let me down.
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iKOemos - February 10, 2009 3:01 a.m.

You weren't lying Charlie, reading this article made me experience actual physical pain.
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MadCowDisease - February 10, 2009 1:52 a.m.

Wooooooooah.
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Romination - February 10, 2009 1:18 a.m.

C. Bar!!!! Uh...i don't think that last one's a game.. although Fred Savage's score just went through the roof! Cha-ching!!
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shadowdude - February 10, 2009 1:12 a.m.

lol the chrono trigger one is funny as hell,unlocked that ending shortly after reading this
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iluvmyDS - February 10, 2009 1:06 a.m.

Nice job with the top 7 Mr. Barrat. No thanks for the Chrono Trigger "spoiler" though.
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curly_jefferson - February 10, 2009 12:57 a.m.

what the hell are the people at sonic team retarded. i mean i knew they had a nack for making bad games but that romance sub plot is the kind if shit you think will be a great idea when your reeeaaly drunk.
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somthing42 - February 10, 2009 12:30 a.m.

b-b-b-b-boner shrinkage!
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