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The Top 7... Collectibles not worth collecting

5. Assassin's Creed

While Halo's collectibles have gotten less and less interesting in recent years, the stuff hidden in Assassin's Creed games keeps getting better. Glyphs, feathers, statuettes and treasure chests? Piles of money, special weapons, exclusive armor and a crucial piece of the story if you locate them all? No wonder the Assassin's Creed II guides are still some of the most visited articles on our site.

Go back a single entry, though, and you'll enter pure completionist hell: 420 practically identical flags with absolutely no distinguishing features other than the tiny, insignificant spot of the huge, sprawling map upon which they sit. If you've played the original Assassin's Creed, you'll also remember that the game's cities – while lovely and atmospheric – are basically nothing more than a couple of blocks copied and pasted into infinity.

Even with detailed maps pointing you to the exact location of every flag, then, you'll still get lost and confused. Repeatedly. Especially if you happened to run over a random flag or two before you started your search. Just ask former GamesRadar editor Paul Ryan, who worked on our guide and kept a printout on his desk as a reminder that life could only improve from that point forward.


4. Alan Wake

Alan Wake is a game that didn't need collectibles. Can you imagine if the terrorized protagonist of your favorite horror film suddenly stopped whatever he was doing – like, say, fleeing from a chainsaw wielding maniac, or desperately trying to escape from a haunted forest – so that he could check the area for plastic coffee thermoses? Such a scene would completely break the mood, and your suspension of disbelief, yet we accept it 100 times over in a videogame like Alan Wake.

We don't mind shooting a pigeon between GTA IV missions, or scouring the shadowy corners of BioShock for an audio diary – objects like those make sense within the context of their games' worlds and genres. But thermoses? Why, because he's a writer and writers drink a lot of coffee? That's the silliest excuse for a collectible we've ever heard… or at least it was until Alan Wake's DLC added collectible alarm clocks.

You know, because A. Wake may or may not be "awake"? Get it? Huh? Huh? WELL, DO YOU?!?

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Top 7

45 comments

  • SenorHurt - October 3, 2010 11:44 a.m.

    I don't like looking for the data pads in Reach either. But I have gone skull hunting, terminal hunting in Halo 3. I did like finding the audio logs in Halo: ODST, too. But at least there isn't any incentive to go through heck to find them like an achievement. I think that one lesson that Bungie learned from Halo 3 is that if people will post where to find these items on-line if there is an achievement tied to it. And then it doesn't feel like much of an achievement if you don't need to find them because you already knew where they were. If you want some backstory go find them if you don't care there is no reason to go looking for them. I can't find anything wrong with this approach.
  • sleepy92ismypsn - October 2, 2010 2:12 a.m.

    I remember playing gex a long time ago. I enjoyed it as a kid but I never even tryed to get the collectibles.
  • Spybreak8 - September 29, 2010 6:09 p.m.

    If the collectables add to the gameplay and story than yeah I'm all for them. Rare just shows you how far we've come in this instance. Still I'm a collector and every once and a while I'll start playing a game to find everything in it while exploring the game levels in depth. This is the reason Devs put collectibles in their game environments.
  • Crabhand - September 29, 2010 5 p.m.

    I'm pretty sure I actually did collect everything in Banjo Kazooie. I was young and stupid and only had like seven games to play, so I had to do it! But the flags in Assassin's Creed really sucked, never bothered to get any of the achievements other than Assassin Mountain.
  • SausageLozenge - September 28, 2010 3:57 p.m.

    The Halo Reach Data Pads? Really? A secret collectible that they don't tell anybody about that is made for the people that are dedicated to the series and actually care about the fiction. I think you could of come up a better one. Why not the 120 stars in Mario 64, because the only reward is getting a 100 lives from Yoshi at the end, yippee!
  • philipshaw - September 28, 2010 11:21 a.m.

    I completely agree with number 1 because I have got all the secret endings. Don't judge me, GEX and Wipeout were the only PS1 games I had for a while
  • KidKatana - September 28, 2010 11:06 a.m.

    Mate, the Banjo-Kazooie hate is not justified when you consider that Rare also made Donkey Kong 64, which I think holds the official record for most bullshit collectibles in a game. Seriously, the entire game was a paper thin fetch quest that artificially extended its lifespan by blocking off areas until you'd gathered enough stuff, and even having items that you could find as any of the 5 characters, but only collect as one of them. AND it recycled bosses. So yeah, hate on that instead. Also, why does Gex even wear sunglasses when they don't cover his eyes?
  • AuthorityFigure - September 28, 2010 10:05 a.m.

    I wouldn't mind putting my reptilian pads on those tiddies.
  • avantguardian - September 28, 2010 6:03 a.m.

    i like how, in the second reach photo, it says "dismiss"...as if they knew how truly pointless they were...
  • reaperman22 - September 28, 2010 5:35 a.m.

    i used to like gex but after playing the 3rd one again a recently i realized that it was kind of crappy
  • Grif - September 28, 2010 5:04 a.m.

    @Defguru7777 It's all about your priorities. Some people like to get achievements, some want story. The best is when games offer both for collecting, but alas not everyone does. (I just said alas unjokingly, WTF?)
  • FauxFurry - September 28, 2010 4:53 a.m.

    How about Fable 2's Theodore Bears...no, those at least gave the players and achievement (pretty pointless in and of themselves.). No, in that game, nothing beat out the Dingly Egg and the Commemorative Mug which do absolutely nothing either in-game or in some meta-gaming capacity. Well,there are just two of them and the mini-quest to get them is kind of amusing in its own right. Ah,forget it. Nothing beats out Gex's collectables for not only being pointless but demeaning to boot. It's like those clowns from Crystal Dynamics wanted to thwart all attempts at players' sub-conscious minds trying to form even one single positive nostalgic notion and to kill Dana Gould's voice acting career at its inception. Not even B-movies have the audacity to berate their audiences for watching their schlock-fests instead of giving the money they would have spent on the ticket to a charity, invest it in a business or something to that effect. Insult their intelligence,perhaps,but they wouldn't knock the audience for partaking of their products.
  • GameManiac - September 28, 2010 2:48 a.m.

    Huh, this is one of those articles where its more than just one thing increasing with every number on the list. Gex? Never (and luckily) heard of it.
  • NightCrawler_358 - September 28, 2010 2:34 a.m.

    The collectibles in Assassin's Creed 2 are really fun! Although the first ones flags were ridiculous, i liked glyphs and feathers so much, i went on to get my first Platinum trophy with that game.
  • Rubberducky - September 28, 2010 1:37 a.m.

    Charlie you are an obvious troll, hating on Halos data pad crap. I myself get a giant bonerar every time I see the word "metrics", and Halo delivers! I hope you fall in a giant cliff and die from something that hits you eventually!
  • batmanboy11 - September 28, 2010 1:18 a.m.

    Good list of shit collectibles. Also, Mafia 2's playboys are the best collectibles ever!
  • ihopethisisnotantistasblood - September 28, 2010 1:08 a.m.

    jet force gemini was worse
  • CaptCOMMANDO - September 27, 2010 11:45 p.m.

    In Banjo Kazooi you also have to collect the Jinjo's!!!
  • Strangleme - September 27, 2010 11:19 p.m.

    i can't believe the game actually had hidden messages insulting the actual audience who spent money on that piece of shit!! FUCK GEX!!!!

Showing 1-20 of 45 comments

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