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The Top 7... badass old folks

2. Oro

 

Age: 152

Unleashing wrinkly whupass in: Street Fighter III

Oro has survived for more than a century and a half, presumably as a direct result of simply being really, really, really hard. We’re talking about a man who gave up normal life in favour of jungle hermitdom out of nothing more than his boredom at a lack of unworthy fight challengers. That’s how important fighting is to this guy. If he can’t take a beating, he’ll give up on the world.

Also, did we mention that he fights with one arm strapped up so that he doesn’t kill his opponents by accident? And that the only reason that he didn’t beat Akuma was that he was just sparring with him for shits and giggles? But planet-busting combat abilities (and unfortunate ET-meets-Crypt-Keeper stylings) aside, Oro is a bit of a good egg. Not only does he have a great care for his adversaries’ well-being, his SFIII: Third Strike ending shows that the only thing capable of renewing his life’s purpose is a paternal desire to help Ryu reach his full potential.

Oh, and he also rides on the top of planes. Not even Batman rides on the top of planes.

If he was your Grandad:

Oro would be the ultimate badass video game grandad. He’d combine the benevolence of Johnson with the ancient wisdom of Shun Di and The End, and once fully trained, his grandkids could beat the crap out of Bill’s grandkids in their sleep and put Heihachi himself in a coma with a moderately forceful blink.

He’d have to hug them one at a time though. Both arms, and they’d be child soup.


1. Old Grandma Hardcore

Age: 73

Unleashing wrinkly whupass in: the real world

Oh come on, we had to.

If you’re not already aware of Barbara St. Hilaire, head over to the Old Grandma Hardcore blog right now. It’s not the SafeSearch baiting horror it sounds, we promise. What you’ll actually find over there is the continuing story of the coolest old lady in gaming.

Not for her, a sudden faddish interest in gaming through a chance encounter with Wii Sports. Oh no. Fuelled with games by her grandson Timothy (writer of said blog), she’ll curse, frag, swear and curse her way through any shooter or RPG she can get her hands on, devour it on Veteran, then move on to the next before most of us have even got through the tutorial.

Don’t assume that the site is just a one-note gimmick though. If you trawl through the blog archive, you’ll find a genuinely cool and sweet old lady with one hell of a good relationship with her grandson. It sounds trite to call it heartwarming, but the day-to-day story of two generations bonded by gaming is one of the most smile-inducing things on the internet.

If she was your Grandma:

It would be awesome.

13 July, 2009

If game characters were old
Solid Snake became a ripe old git – what if others did too?

 

Top 7... Definitive MGS moments
We recount the seminal action series

 

Top 7... Unsexy Femme Fatales
Videogame vixens gone horribly, horribly wrong

 

Topics

Top 7

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93 comments

  • GrayFox161 - January 7, 2010 1:33 p.m.

    Shit!! How could i forget old snake and big boss!!!!!!
  • GrayFox161 - January 7, 2010 1:23 p.m.

    What bout Revolver Ocelot??? he is sure badass
  • Wolf22295 - October 25, 2009 4:55 p.m.

    Wot about Charon in Fallout 3!! He is somthin like 150 years old!!! And also Grandma sparkles in Fallout 3, She kicks ass and calls people assholes!!
  • GameManiac - October 20, 2009 6:45 p.m.

    Anyone who can fight drunk and WIN is already badass in my book (like that Shun Di guy).
  • matt588 - October 9, 2009 2:16 p.m.

    what?? no muramasa from ninja gaiden 2 recaptcha: grafts lee (especially funny for me cause my granddad's name is lee)
  • llamalords - October 1, 2009 1:20 a.m.

    WTF what about Solid Snake dammit! He pwns all oldies!
  • STR33TFiR3 - July 21, 2009 2:18 a.m.

    Come on gramma! mama won't let me play!
  • deathrebellion - July 20, 2009 5:17 p.m.

    no Old Snake and Jinpachi Mishima and Heiachi i one tough dad thats why i love the Mishima clan for its cute family rivalry :D and thats one HARDCORE granny xD
  • Satu - July 18, 2009 8:16 p.m.

    I know Big Boss has been mentioned already, but what about Revolver Ocelot? He'd be a wicked awesome grandparent.
  • v3mEpiDemiC - July 18, 2009 3:22 a.m.

    OMG Avery Johnson is old??WOW
  • SolidSpartan - July 16, 2009 6:02 p.m.

    Lol, old people... P.S. Those "If he was your grandpa" pics are hilarious, except for 1 of them. reCAPTCHA: week eyesore (Lol?)
  • Auron - July 16, 2009 4 p.m.

    Gen Fu is better than either of the Tekken or Virtua Fighter grandpa's, in my opinion.
  • AntistaIsTheLight - July 15, 2009 8:01 p.m.

    Will everyone stop with the Old Snake stuff?! Oh,related to the article, Grandma Hardcore would kick my ass in Nazi Zombies.Probably
  • ricangamer28 - July 15, 2009 6:50 p.m.

    hey what about master roshi(dragon ball)..hes kick ass and funy as hell,also a perv...
  • ricangamer28 - July 15, 2009 6:48 p.m.

    aww good old bill...ill love to have him as a grandfather,we can chain smoke all day!!!
  • afroninjakatana - July 15, 2009 6:47 p.m.

    LOL great article! Bill and Grandma Hardcore would be awesome grandparents!
  • husk94 - July 15, 2009 5:17 p.m.

    wha, no great deku tree or green sage from jak and daxter
  • CeLLIfE - July 15, 2009 2:19 p.m.

    Old Grandma Hardcore KICKS THE RESISTANCE:FALL OF MAN ASS
  • CombatCat120 - July 14, 2009 11:04 a.m.

    where the hell is Old Snake?He's the most badass old man as badass as badass is!That's it! you guys are biased against the MGS series
  • darkcloud - July 14, 2009 5:56 a.m.

    holy crap grandma is hardcore

Showing 1-20 of 93 comments

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