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The Top 7… Awful fake accents

5. Roughly half of the people in the future

From: Deus Ex

Attempted accents: Assorted

Actual accents: Laughable

Deus Ex may be one of the most highly regarded and critically beloved games of all time, but it sure as hell isn’t because of its voice acting. Granted, the actors’ delivery starts out OK, with all the grim inflection and quiet gravitas you’d expect of secret agents in a hellish cyberpunk future. They set a tone that’s (mostly) serious and realistic – by circa-2000 videogame standards, anyway. But then the foreign characters show up, and all pretense of seriousness goes right the hell out the window.


Above: We would have made our own video, but it probably would have just been a pale imitation of Eegra’s 

Voiced by a mostly American cast, the game’s British, Australian and assorted European characters grating to the point of embarrassment, with American inflections clearly audible through accents we’re probably meant to take seriously. And when Chinese or German characters show up, the game that otherwise works so hard to create a believable world suddenly becomes a cartoon, with hardened consonants, singsong delivery and R’s in place of L’s completely obliterating any illusion of worldliness or sophistication.

Granted, this was 10 years ago. The game industry has to have outgrown using overblown fake accents to establish characters by now, right? Right?


4. Scoot and Kate

From: Hydrophobia

Attempted accents: Scottish and, uh… miscellaneous

Actual accents: Cartoonish and confusing, respectively

For the purposes of this article, we won’t pass any kind of judgment on the overall quality of Hydrophobia. However, its accents – particularly the accents of its two leads, Scoot and Kate – are downright abominable. In the words of GR’s resident Scotsman Dave Meikleham, “The way [Scoot] overemphasises his R's is horrendous. … It's halfway Irish, with the other half leaning towards someone from the Scottish Highlands who's knocked back 10 beers, then suffered a severe head trauma.”

But while Scoot’s accent is pretty damn sketchy, he’s not the worst offender here. Kate, reputedly voiced by an Irish actress, is far, far worse. Not because she’s affecting a fake accent, necessarily, but because it’s impossible to tell what fake accent she’s affecting. Listen carefully, and you’ll hear it veer constantly between Irish, American, English and something that sounds vaguely Scottish. It never lingers on one accent long enough to pin down what, if anything, she’s going for, and it’s incredibly distracting.

To her credit, the accents aren’t half-bad while she’s doing them. If she could have picked one and stuck with it, however, that would have been a damn sight better.


3. Everyone

From: Silverload

Attempted accents: Various

Actual accents: All over the goddamn map

Silverload. Jesus Christ, Silverload. We’ve brought up this obscure, nigh-unplayable Western adventure game once before, and there’s clearly no way we could do an article on shitty accents without dragging it into the light again.

Ostensibly a game about a gunslinger searching for a kidnapped little boy in a ghost town full of werewolves, Silverload features a lead who’s clearly doing a Clint Eastwood impression throughout the entire game – and he’s the only one who gives a natural, non-distracting performance. As for everyone else, well… it sounds like someone on the production staff read somewhere that the Old West was a magnet for immigrants, and decided to lay that idea on extra-thick. Damn near everyone speaks with a wildly different accent; there’s the Southern-then-suddenly-Irish settler lady, the New Englander innkeeper, the Scottish general store clerk and a town bully who sounds like he’s doing a bad Slim Pickens impression. And then there’s the town barber, who talks like a gay stereotype by way of Boris Karloff’s nightmares.


All weird, all fake (or at least fake-sounding), and all bogged down by terrible, needlessly elaborate writing. There are certainly worse fake accents out there, but Silverload may be the only game about which fake accents are the only notable thing. Well, fake accents and failure.

Topics

Top 7

95 comments

  • erenelliekush - December 5, 2010 6:12 a.m.

    I kinda expected Chrono Cross. like all 400 playable characters in that game (except Serge who doesn't talk) have horrible fake and/or real accents. one guy is a vegetable who talks in Ye Old English!
  • Claymore17 - December 5, 2010 5:12 a.m.

    hilarious!
  • tomservo - December 5, 2010 2:27 a.m.

    Any other Scots horrified by the voice acting in Castlevania: Lords of Shadow? And then I found out it was Robert Carlyle... I wish those zombies had got him in 28 weeks later... oh yeah.
  • Deadshotjim - December 4, 2010 10:47 p.m.

    Stalker Clear Sky had some pretty bad accents,"Too bad those punks got away!"
  • cxvfgcdxggf - December 4, 2010 5:32 p.m.

    a leading worldwide w holesaler company (or ucan say organization). w w w . yahcc . u s We supply more than 100 thousand high-quality merchandise and famous brand name products all at wholesale prices.
  • waran4 - December 3, 2010 2:42 p.m.

    Just Cause 2. "Bolo Santosi". 'Nuff said...
  • AGENTJORRRG - December 3, 2010 2:27 a.m.

    I am almost certain that everyone in Deus Ex is voiced by the same dude. h aso, I appreciate the effort, but the new vid player is fail. I'd forgotten about most of them by the time they started playing.
  • AA95mp - December 2, 2010 11:36 a.m.

    loving the new player guys.
  • Randomwordcombination - December 1, 2010 11:10 p.m.

    Awesome, this should make for a fun episode of TalkRadar!
  • Apollomasque - December 1, 2010 9:38 p.m.

    What happened to freaking EVERYONE from Just Cause 2?
  • Zeb364 - December 1, 2010 9:31 a.m.

    I read this article specifically looking for morons from Heavy Rain and GR did not let me down. I love how terrible those accents are, and I'm not just referring to the stupid French Kids. Two words: "Fuckin asshole!"
  • Fistly - December 1, 2010 1:16 a.m.

    Heavy Rain, anyone?
  • Yeager1122 - December 1, 2010 12:51 a.m.

    Agentnahmanjayden made me crack up it was so painfully bad.
  • Solid_Gabriel - November 30, 2010 11:36 p.m.

    Everyone trying to speak in portuguese on Soccom 2. Gosh! That lousy attempt to mimic the way brazilian people speak was just embarrasing!
  • DoctorCrazy - November 30, 2010 10:38 p.m.

    Those Heavy Rain kids are going to give me nightmares. But Alex Mason, his voice didnt bother me at all. When I heard it I simply went "oh thats Sam Worthington".
  • Darkhawk - November 30, 2010 7:21 p.m.

    Bonus nomination, from the House that Cage Built: Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit. My god, the accents in that game are terrible
  • GorditaSlim - November 30, 2010 7:07 p.m.

    Haha, gotta love Heavy Rain. "JAAAY-SUHN!"
  • infernox - November 30, 2010 6:28 p.m.

    the crazy voice acting in deus ex was one of my favourite things about the game. always made me laugh and lighted the mood on a amazing game.
  • AlpineGuy - November 30, 2010 5:51 p.m.

    This should make for an awesome first segment of TalkRadar. DON'T LET ME DOWN MIKEL!
  • MrsJonMurphy - November 30, 2010 5:13 p.m.

    You had a most annoying voices list and you left out Vanille? That woman's terrible on / off British (or was it Australian) accent made her the Jar Jar Binks of the FF games.

Showing 1-20 of 95 comments

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