Google+

The Top 7... Assassins

3. The Smiths

Killer 7Last seen in: Killer 7 (GC/PS2, 2005) 

What's their deal? Including seven assassins in a single entry isn't cheating if they're all the same person - which is what the Smiths are. Although they appear as seven wildly different killers with distinct abilities and quirks, each one is, in fact, a part of Harman Smith, an ancient, wheelchair-bound assassin with multiple-personality syndrome. Manifested to foil a cabal of zombie suicide bombers called Heaven Smile, they are: Garcian Smith, the fixer and dominant personality; Dan Smith, an aggressive gunslinger; Kaede Smith, a self-mutilating sniper in a bloodstained towel; Con Smith, a blind kid who runs really fast; Coyote Smith, a shiftless thief; Mask de Smith, a former pro wrestler; and Kevin Smith, a creepy weirdo who carries around a lot of knives.

Weapons of choice: A Colt Python .357 revolver (Dan), a silenced P230 pistol (Garcian), a.45 pistol with attached sniper scope (Kaede), paired automatic pistols (Con), an Enfield revolver (Coyote), paired grenade launchers (Mask), an assortment of knives (Kevin) and an armor-piercing sniper rifle (Harman).

Highest-profile hit: Hiroyasu Kurahashi and Shinya Akiba, two insanely grotesque monsters who are also members of Japan's ruling political party.

Why they're awesome: As seven assassins projected from the mind of a crazy old hitman, the Smiths are already a lot weirder - and therefore cooler - than your average videogame hero. Each one is pretty fascinating in his or her own right, too, able to kick ass and look cool in unique and complementary ways, and the fact that their "targets" are actually slavering demon terrorists in disguise neatly absolves the Smiths from the moral ambiguity that troubles their colleagues.

Besides - seven hitmen for the price of one? How is that not awesome?

2. Mega Man

Last seen in: Mega Man Powered Up (PSP, 2006) Mega Man

What's his deal? What? Mega Man's an assassin!? Impossible! But hear us out: his original purpose has been muddied by years of sequels that watered him down and repeatedly reinvented him, but before he was a computer program or a Maverick hunter, Mega Man was the original robotic assassin. Cute as he was, his entire purpose was to hunt down specific targets and kill them, acting on the orders of Dr. Light.

And were those orders really for the betterment of mankind? Mega Man certainly thought so - but then, he was programmed to. For all we know, Dr. Light is really some kooky Luddite with a beard and a terrorist agenda, and Dr. Wily is a famous industrialist who just happens to live in a skull-shaped castle. What's more, we never see any of Mega Man's pre-selected victims attack anything or anyone other than Mega Man himself - and that's after he barges into their lairs waving a gun around.

But we know they're evil, because Dr. Light said so. And Dr. Light wouldn't lie to a robot… would he?

Signature weapon: The Mega Buster, an arm-mounted cannon that shoots what look like ping-pong balls. For God's sake, he has a gun for an arm! What more proof do you need?

Highest-profile hit: While he's tried repeatedly to kill Dr. Wily, something always stops Mega Man at the last second. Maybe he figures that just destroying all of the man's possessions and crushing his dreams is enough. So instead, we're going to say Cut Man, because everyone remembers their first kill.

Why he's awesome: Yeah, OK, so more recent games have given the story a much less questionable moral context - especially Mega Man Powered Up, which enables you to play as Mega Man's "targets" after they're defeated. But good or bad, avenger or assassin, it really doesn't matter; Mega Man is Mega Man, and we love him no matter what. His huge eyes and plucky determination are part of that, but Mega Man's coolest feature has always been his ability to cannibalize his targets and take their power for his own. That's always been the best part of any of his games: earning a destructive new ability and then finding out what you can do with it. Who cares whether we got it by morally indefensible means?

Topics

Top 7

We Recommend By ZergNet

16 comments

  • martinlindved - February 17, 2010 9:24 p.m.

    where the fuck is Ezio?? gotta admit that agent 47 is a good choice. without him this article would had been a joke. i mean, MEGAMAN?? ............?
  • Vader999 - October 28, 2009 10:12 p.m.

    Honorable mention to Ryu Hayabusa.....my fave DOA char aside from Nicloe and Kasumi.......
  • Vader999 - October 28, 2009 10:08 p.m.

    Sub Zero was indeed a brutal, ass-whoopin son of a bitch.....
  • DARK_SIDE - September 22, 2008 8:27 p.m.

    MEGA MAN! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS INSANE! If he is an assasian then practically every game character that exists could be an assasian.
  • DARK_SIDE - September 22, 2008 8:33 p.m.

    I think they should have inclued some MARVEL comic characters like all time favorite WOLVERINE, I mean the guy was killing before half the heros were born.
  • c1nd3rcell - July 6, 2009 11:26 p.m.

    Altair should be number one!!! (if megaman is an assassin, than North Korea will stop launching missiles at us.)
  • RebornKusabi - January 6, 2009 2:31 a.m.

    Oh and not to attack any specific users here but NO ONE on Naruto was a true ninja... in fact, historically speaking, James Bond and Agent 47 are pretty much "new age" ninja's- the key to being a successful ninja was to remain both hidden and out of the spotlight... wearing black ****ing cloaks and a face mask are not any of those >_> Goddamn Japanophiles!
  • LegendarySandwich - December 30, 2008 4:43 a.m.

    Even though Naruto himself isn't very ninja-like, a lot of the other characters in Naruto are.
  • DARK_SIDE - September 3, 2009 2:04 a.m.

    @MOOMAN haha! cake, so funny p.s. you remind me of Homer Simpson
  • MOOMAN - July 24, 2009 5:12 p.m.

    OK STRIKE THAT ALTAIR SHOULD BE NO.1 HE MY FAVORITE ASSASSIN AND BTW NINJAS SOMETIMES ARE ALSO TRAINED FOR INTENSE WAR-LIKE COMBAT AND ANSWERING QUESTIOND LIKE ASKA-NINJA!!!!!! NINJA GO!
  • MOOMAN - July 24, 2009 5:10 p.m.

    OH SO MEGA MAN IS THE BEST ASSASSIN? WELL THEN YOU OBVIUOSLY HAVE NOT HEARD OF ME. OH AND BTW, SANTA CLAUS IS BEST ASSASSIN HE CAN CRUSH YOU WITH HIS SACK (OF PRESENTS) AND SIT ON YOU TO BREAK YOUR RIBS. OH AND BTW, CAKE IS DELICIOUS. MMM... CAKE...
  • Daniel1995 - March 6, 2009 2:51 p.m.

    AGENT 47 RULES
  • handdestr - January 25, 2009 1:06 a.m.

    why didnt u put any of the dark brotherhood peeps from oblivion. i thought vicenti was a badass.
  • bernie10 - January 7, 2009 9:06 p.m.

    how can altair be six!?
  • -FABLExFAN- - January 6, 2009 10:33 p.m.

    Okay so maybe people on naruto aren't so ninja like, but naruto can make a freaking glowing ball in his hand and when he touches you with it it kills you on contact, and he clones himself. if that's not cool i don't know what is. but you cant call megaman an assassin and naruto not a ninja?, oh and if megaman is an assassin ... that makes me god.
  • RebornKusabi - January 6, 2009 2:21 a.m.

    I agree, Megaman is a hell of an assassin!

Showing 1-16 of 16 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.