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The Top 7... Annoying nags that need to STFU

We need to be told what to do in a game from time to time. We rely on helpful characters to issue us with objectives and point us in the right direction. Imagine the wasted hours if they weren't there to help. Trouble is, some of them go about it all wrong and - although they're trying to help - just get right on our tits. Honestly, Navi's a joy compared with these nagging characters that need to STFU.

Right from the get go of this deep space disaster it's pretty obvious that Kendra and her 'I know best attitude' is going to be an intolerable pain in the ass. She's confrontational, insubordinate and the 'computer specialist', which universally translates to 'annoying twat'.

As soon as things begin to get messy aboard the USG Ishimura, Kendra courageously secures herself away from the rampaging alien horror show. What a trooper. Conveniently for her, but unfortunate for us, her hiding place is well furnished with computer and communications equipment. She spends the rest of the adventure ordering hero Isaac Clarke about like a minimum-wage lackey.

Relentless and uncompromising with her demands, she gives not a solitary shit that Isaac is the one wrestling aliens with razor-sharp extremities while also doing all the hard graft. As if the Necromorphs weren't dangerous enough for Isaac, he also risks death by nagging as well. Isaac might not be much of a talker, but we know what he's thinking when Kendra's on the holographic blower...

The Advisor has always been a resident of the Theme Park games. He's appeared in various guises, but it's the jolly Willy Wonka type in a top hat we remember the most. As his name suggests, his role has always been to advise the player - that is, to give advice on how a theme park can best be improved to maximise financial gain and visitor satisfaction.

Maybe we're just being ungrateful, but we don't want his advice. We don't want him sticking his oar in and popping up with his condescending brand of 'hints and tips' every time we do something wrong. The Advisor needs to piss right off out of our business. We'll run things exactly how we want. Did it ever occur to the Advisor that we crafted our theme park with the intention of it being a hub of misery and human suffering and full of floaty sad faces?

Sure the admission fee is extortionate, there are no signposts, the toilets are cubicles of concentrated bowel filth and the rollercoaster makes people vomit, but it just so happens that that's exactly how we want it Mr Advisor Man.

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Top 7

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86 comments

  • Jacob816 - March 30, 2009 4:43 p.m.

    What about Navi? She wasn't calling us on a phone or anything, but that bitch was soooo annoying. I hope Chris spams the Navi sounds when TalkRadar talks about the article this week.
  • noobeater - March 30, 2009 5:03 p.m.

    oh navi will u always be at the centre of insults rightly so anyway great articles reCAPTURE: salted sugarload....say it aint so
  • BadLadJon - March 30, 2009 5:06 p.m.

    lol at stuntman one "wipe my ass"
  • noobeater - March 30, 2009 5:06 p.m.

    oh and just to say theme park world...i believe is the game with the video camera as shown in the article...is an awesome game but yes he was a pain in the ass with his cruel words of wisdom i dint care for
  • iluvmyDS - March 30, 2009 5:08 p.m.

    Lulz have been successfully produced.
  • Cybermaster - March 30, 2009 5:10 p.m.

    FSR! I loved that game! Glad you've mentinoed it! Although I thought that the two maids where more nagg-y.
  • Yar - March 30, 2009 6:05 p.m.

    For the last time people... Navi isn't actually that annoying! "But she keeps on constantly screaming 'HEY HELLO LISTEN!" No she effing doesn't!!! She bugs you about once every ten minutes if you're doing a sidequest or something. That's it!!! If you get annoyed by one second of noise every ten minutes, how the heck do you ever play more annoying games without killing yourselves?
  • Corsair89 - March 30, 2009 6:13 p.m.

    In GTAIV, Michelle pissed me off so much that I intentionally crashed the car at 100mph to send us flying out the windsheild into on-coming traffic.
  • Necron - March 30, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    The announcer from Stuntman forgot to say 'simon says'.
  • SuperGoomba64 - March 30, 2009 6:44 p.m.

    Niko in the 2nd picture looks like Super Mario Jumping to bop a coin block. lol
  • lawless77 - March 30, 2009 7 p.m.

    That Microsoft Office paperclip-guy should be made an honorary member of this club.
  • sixboxes - March 30, 2009 7:02 p.m.

    This is possibly the most profane article I've ever read on this site. Lovin it!
  • Conman93 - March 30, 2009 7:26 p.m.

    I agree with kendra from dead space shes the biggest pain evvvvveeeeeeeerrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Juriasu - March 30, 2009 7:30 p.m.

    Still think Navi is worse. HEY!!! HEY LISTEN!!! HEY!!!
  • Unoriginal - March 30, 2009 7:31 p.m.

    "Give me your wife" Hillarious article. But out of the whole MGS franchise the one I thought needed to STFU the most was Mei Ling in the original. You just want to save but need to listen to her inform you about japanese and chinese culture, ancient sayings and her oh so boring philosophy in life. Every. Single. Time.
  • shockolate - March 30, 2009 7:35 p.m.

    @ Corsair: and we all know the internet never exaggerates anything ever
  • AA95mp - March 30, 2009 7:40 p.m.

    "wipe my ass".
  • Mumb00 - March 30, 2009 9:08 p.m.

    Anybody remember Sacrifice? One of the best looking games for its time and with great voice acting but with the first advisor that nearly made me want to reformat my hard drive before magnetizing it and throwing it in a microwave! "You are low on Mana!" "Your wizard is under attack!" "Your creatures are under attack!" "Your creatures are dying!" Holy god!!! STFU!!!!!
  • CH3BURASHKA - March 30, 2009 11:22 p.m.

    I'm going through MGS2 for the first time right now. I heard that Raiden is a pussy and thought, "How bad can it be?". It's horrible. And yes, I can confirm that Rose is the bitch she is portrayed as in this article. Raiden is taking down terrorists and rescuing people and all she can do is flirt and talk about feelings. Whore. reCaptcha: crisis Hines
  • Mrinsane117 - March 30, 2009 11:25 p.m.

    I noticed a mistake: The number one spot says "stuntman ignition" when it should say Navi. right? you guys meant to put navi in didnt you?

Showing 1-20 of 86 comments

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