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The Top 7... Annoying nags that need to STFU

We need to be told what to do in a game from time to time. We rely on helpful characters to issue us with objectives and point us in the right direction. Imagine the wasted hours if they weren't there to help. Trouble is, some of them go about it all wrong and - although they're trying to help - just get right on our tits. Honestly, Navi's a joy compared with these nagging characters that need to STFU.

Right from the get go of this deep space disaster it's pretty obvious that Kendra and her 'I know best attitude' is going to be an intolerable pain in the ass. She's confrontational, insubordinate and the 'computer specialist', which universally translates to 'annoying twat'.

As soon as things begin to get messy aboard the USG Ishimura, Kendra courageously secures herself away from the rampaging alien horror show. What a trooper. Conveniently for her, but unfortunate for us, her hiding place is well furnished with computer and communications equipment. She spends the rest of the adventure ordering hero Isaac Clarke about like a minimum-wage lackey.

Relentless and uncompromising with her demands, she gives not a solitary shit that Isaac is the one wrestling aliens with razor-sharp extremities while also doing all the hard graft. As if the Necromorphs weren't dangerous enough for Isaac, he also risks death by nagging as well. Isaac might not be much of a talker, but we know what he's thinking when Kendra's on the holographic blower...

The Advisor has always been a resident of the Theme Park games. He's appeared in various guises, but it's the jolly Willy Wonka type in a top hat we remember the most. As his name suggests, his role has always been to advise the player - that is, to give advice on how a theme park can best be improved to maximise financial gain and visitor satisfaction.

Maybe we're just being ungrateful, but we don't want his advice. We don't want him sticking his oar in and popping up with his condescending brand of 'hints and tips' every time we do something wrong. The Advisor needs to piss right off out of our business. We'll run things exactly how we want. Did it ever occur to the Advisor that we crafted our theme park with the intention of it being a hub of misery and human suffering and full of floaty sad faces?

Sure the admission fee is extortionate, there are no signposts, the toilets are cubicles of concentrated bowel filth and the rollercoaster makes people vomit, but it just so happens that that's exactly how we want it Mr Advisor Man.

Topics

Top 7

86 comments

  • gamefreakl1996 - July 22, 2010 8:55 p.m.

    ahem, KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA KAEPORA GAEBORA
  • iDeza - January 3, 2010 9:23 a.m.

    oh yeah michelle was soooooooo annoying i had to literally kill her to get her to shut the hell up
  • Spritle101 - November 23, 2009 6:20 a.m.

    Lol, these are great.
  • Vader999 - November 22, 2009 2:44 a.m.

    Honorable mention to Juno Eclipse and Cortana. They were hot, but they were also sometimes annoying.
  • HackMaxx - November 7, 2009 11:14 p.m.

    The Aussie girl in Mercenaries 2 who clearly has no long term memory given the repetitive 'advice' I heard every 3 minutes or so should have been included, if she has to talk I'd much rather hear about ways to avoid the gamebreaking glitches *sigh* and I used to love the Australian accent.
  • nyuh - July 12, 2009 9:07 a.m.

    GLADOS ISN'T ON THERE?????
  • Remake - July 5, 2009 9:22 p.m.

    The Dead Rising one completely made my day. PS: 'moistest' showed up in my antispam message. Now I have to look that up in the dictionary. Thanx >.>
  • Murcielago - June 1, 2009 2:23 a.m.

    Aaaaahahaha totally agree on Stuntman the director shits me off sooooo effing much...Love the game though.
  • Danomeon - April 26, 2009 9:28 p.m.

    Navi? HEY! LISTEN!
  • Sinsational - April 15, 2009 2:27 p.m.

    Though I haven't played most of these games, I totally understand the MGS2 one.
  • Assassin4than - April 11, 2009 2:23 p.m.

    Every character in Animal Crossing but especially Resetti and insurance guy. an also when the animals run upto you all excited and want to talk but ur already talking to someone and they wont shut up and u want to see why the other ones so excited incase theyll give you theyre photograph. but by the time youre done they got sad and walked away.
  • bamit11 - April 6, 2009 8:47 p.m.

    how was ashley from RE4 not in this!! every five seconds it's LEON!! HELP!!! i sometimes killed her she was so annoying
  • sofaku - April 4, 2009 5:25 p.m.

    i cant belive navi isnt on there
  • Grand1nquisitor - April 4, 2009 3:48 p.m.

    I agree with Brett about RE 5 and 4 for that matter. The unlockables and level-up weapons make it irresistible to play through again and again.
  • EmmaXII - April 3, 2009 6:28 p.m.

    Wot the crap!!! Am. .. . Wot about Navi!!! She SUCKS!! "HEY LISTEN!" And wen u fite gannon shes all like, "Link!, i can't help u" wen she duznt seem 2 be tryin very very hard.
  • Phantasmagorical - April 3, 2009 3:55 p.m.

    Awesome, awesome article! XD God, I hated Kendra. >:[
  • izayuh - April 3, 2009 2:17 p.m.

    i agree about the michelle one because i swear she called me the most out of any the girls i dated
  • Spybreak8 - April 3, 2009 3:28 a.m.

    When someone told me I could answer the people's calls in GTAIV and then cancel the plans without them getting ticked off my world changed. GTAIV was not as bad as other people had to go with and they should have had that in the manual haha. As for dead rising, Zman I agree 100%.
  • wiisixty - April 2, 2009 10:57 p.m.

    hilarious feature
  • gmilf71 - April 1, 2009 6:02 a.m.

    yes! mgs2 was soooo anoying! but what about clank in Rachet: deadlocked? he'd say stuff like: Rachet, there's 5 robots in front of you shooting at you. can you see them?

Showing 1-20 of 86 comments

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