Game industry publishers and developers say the darndest things - no, really. Whether they’re using ten-dollar words to hawk their products, provoking message boards or feigning ignorance through million-dollar egos, we look to these game makers with a vested interest. After all, they’re supposed to be looking out for the everyday gamer, right? Then why all the hilariously misguided potshots at competitors? What’s with treating your demographic like sheep? Who are you people?
Publishers - we understand that you’ll say just about anything to get us to buy your system, but please don’t undermine your own fan base. And developers - we know you’ve spent the last few years making a product that can easily be ripped apart by reviews and the internet. But please try not to take it as a personal attack.
With E3 just around the corner, we eagerly await the next crazy-talk from our beloved industry. That said here are our favorite foot-in-mouth comments from the past few years.
"Next generation games will combine unprecedented audio and visual experiences to create worlds that are beyond real and they'll deliver storylines and gameplay so compelling that it will feel like living a lucid dream. The result is a state where you achieve the perfect mind-body equilibrium as you forget your physical surroundings and you become completely immersed in the game itself; this controller becomes an extension of your body, it becomes the gateway to the Zen of gaming." – Peter Moore (former President of Microsoft’s Interactive Entertainment division), E3 2005
Will it play games?
"You know, things break.” – Peter Moore, right before Microsoft took $1 billion in pre-tax charges to up the 360’s warranty to three years
If that’s true, how come our NES still works?
“If the game creators and the users want to have a great steak for their anniversary, they go maybe to PS3. But if they want great dinner, great steak with their family, a little bit more casual during the weekends, they might select Xbox 360. Or why not have a great steak at your house everyday, they might choose Revolution.
So my impression of the battle between the consoles is, it’s not about what kind of dinner it is. It’s more about how much the dinner will be. Will it be worth the cost of being served? Or where can I have this dinner - number of restaurants, is it near my house or do I have to take a cab or train or bus? I think the battle amongst the next-gen platforms lies in that area.” – Hideo Kojima (Metal Gear Solid creator) on dinner, next-gen systems
When analogies attack
"When a man is hit by Friendly Fire, his blood pressure lowers and his morale sinks. I have been hit by Friendly Fire in my heart. Sighs spill from my body instead of blood." – Hideo Kojima, on weariness
You carry that burden, Koj
"Microsoft does not concern us. Microsoft is not a technology company."
- Nobuyuki Idei (Sony chief corporate adviser), on competition
Of course they aren’t. How could you even explain Vista?
“[Multiple hardware SKUs] just confuses the audience. They don't know which one to buy, developers don't know which one to create for, and retailers don't know which one to stock. So I think we wouldn't take that strategy. We wouldn't create confusion." – Phil Harrison (former Executive Vice President of Sony Europe), on the 360’s strategy of multiple console configurations
Negating our 20GB, 40GB, 60GB and 80GB PS3s, we’re inclined to agree
"Now, rumble I think was the last generation feature; it's not the next-generation feature. I think motion sensitivity is." – Phil Harrison, on the Sixaxis
So that’s why every PS3 and Wii game utilizes that feature so perfectly
"Nintendo knows its target audience, because it has really narrowed that down; and it’s pretty much defined by a boy or girl’s ability to admire Pokemon." – Phil Harrison, on Nintendo fans
No argument here
"I don't think we're arrogant." -- Phil Harrison, on consumer perception of Sony
Our keyboards just exploded in disbelief
“My name is Reggie. I'm about kickin' ass, I'm about takin' names, and we're about makin' games.” – Reggie Fils-Aime (President/COO of Nintendo of America) on introducing himself
As long as he doesn’t take our lunch money, it’s all good
"There is no secret plan to store Wiis in a warehouse to spur demand. The company, after all, is trying to reach out to women and 40 and 50-year olds who aren't avid gamers. They aren't going to sleep outside of a store overnight or visit a retailer five or six times. It is literally a missed opportunity." – Reggie, on Wii shortages
Aren’t those the people sleeping outside already?
"Customers do not want online games." -- Satoru Iwata (President/CEO of Nintendo), on gamers
And if we do, please give us 16-digit passwords to socialize, k thanks
"[People who play RPGs are] depressed gamers who like to sit alone in their dark rooms and play slow games.” -- Hiroshi Yamauchi (former President of Nintendo), on RPG players
Can’t wait for the next Zelda!
"I have been saying this for some time, but customers are not interested in grand games with higher-quality graphics and sound and epic stories. Only people who do not know the videogame business would advocate the release of next-generation machines when people are not interested in cutting-edge technologies." – Yamauchi, on gamer interests
That’s ‘cause what Sony and Microsoft do, Ninten-don’t