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The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom

Yoshi

Yoshi got dragged into Peachgate entirely by accident. If the poison princess hadn't chosen his native habitat for a sordid rendezvous with Bowser in 1990 he'd still be living a perfectly innocent and happy life. But we all know what happened. Unaware of the backstory to the whole depressing affair, Yoshi agreed to help Mario on his never-ending quest for emotional buggeration and forged a strong friendship with him in the process, despite the obviously crippling back pain that comes from having a fat plumber on your back for hours at a time. You wouldn't believe how sore that gets. (We've been told)



Later on however, presuambly through conversations with Luigi during the first Super Mario Kart, Yoshi found out what was going on. He continued to hang out with Mario for a while, still feeling the bond of their shared journey and sympathising with the hard start in life the plumber had had on his very own island as a baby. Having a man's arse imprinted upon your person kind of makes you feel pretty close to him too. (We've been told)

But eventually Mario's lack of self-esteem got too much and Yoshi followed Luigi's example. Thus he went straight to the roof when Peach engineered a disappearance in Super Mario 64, and resolutely stayed there until Mario had finished humiliating himself. And he didn't even bother turning up for Super Mario Galaxy. What does that tell you?

35 comments

  • PureSpirit - December 16, 2010 5:06 a.m.

    So funny! and so true!
  • Lokolord - August 9, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    I'm personally against prejudice and the like, but this article really doesn't help the whole dumb blonde thing... just pointing that out.
  • Ng13 - March 11, 2010 7:44 p.m.

    This is actual epic win...... Never seen anybody so devoted to explaining the sordid affair between Mario and Peach, I'm glad it's finally out in the open xD
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:42 p.m.

    last comment, i meant fireproof
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:41 p.m.

    And TheWebSwinger, bowser probably ENJOYS the lava pits, because they never kill him, so he must be foreproof which makes the equivalent of a REALLY good, nice, hot, bath for him! And good for cooking burgers. Dont forget the burgers.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:39 p.m.

    Now THIS is hilarious. And I got here all thanks to the Top 7 Compendium. I really do feel sorry for Luigi, cos: He's smarter, greener, and more healthy than Mario, but do (most) people even care? No. They just want to save the stupid pink bimbo. And poor Yoshi. But, I just remembered, you know when they turned Mario into a kids programme? Im SURE one of the episodes showed none other than LUIGI finding yoshi. Which probably would have been better for the poor little guy anyway, seing what mario does to those goombas... o_O
  • venomman01 - February 8, 2010 11 p.m.

    BOWSER JUNIOR :O
  • PhantomRose96 - January 20, 2010 1:58 a.m.

    Ha! I'll never look at the series the same way again. Simply brilliant.
  • kwwalker - December 1, 2009 7:38 p.m.

    Its like an episode of "behind the music" All the love triangles and scandal that come with video game celebrity
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:20 a.m.

    PEACH IS A HO!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot to add that to my last rant
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:19 a.m.

    Yeah BowserJr is peach's son because she wears that big dress so nobody could tell that she was pregnant for nine months. When she went into labor Bowser came and got her. Makes you stop and think? 0_o
  • dreamgor - July 12, 2009 8:39 p.m.

    I ignore this article even if it hits a chord oh and here's a link to an awesome vid about it: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/443020 and darkxstar saying that us just stupid and even more so with that excuse recaptcha: carrots Sat O_o
  • Mattgue - July 12, 2009 3:23 p.m.

    hahahah lol maeby you are right bowser does reproduce asexually and luige is the sharpes person in the mushroom kingdom
  • Xeacons - July 12, 2009 3:17 p.m.

    PRECIOUS!!! Haven't laughed this hard in months!! But I do think if Peach was Jr's mom, he'd bare more resemblance. Don't forget all the other Koopa kids. If you ask me, Bowser reproduces asexually.
  • DarxStar - July 11, 2009 11 p.m.

    Baby Mario is Mario isn't he? About Bowser Jr. I'd been thinking the same thing. Just one problem: Peach was never kidnapped for nine months at a time so Bowser must have kidnapped her nine months later. I always liked Luigi better and now I like him more. Since no one has said it I have the right to say First to say First.
  • Shift - May 18, 2009 3:24 p.m.

    Personally, I think that this is gr's best article. Hands down. I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O
  • Da-Ku - May 4, 2009 3:57 p.m.

    This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD We need more like this
  • adrenaguy - March 12, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
  • EatShorts8 - March 10, 2009 4 a.m.

    the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
  • cell289 - January 25, 2009 3:31 a.m.

    9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

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