The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom


Let's get one thing straight. Luigi is far from the incompetent bumper pack of clumsy he's been portrayed as recently. In fact he's one of the most sharp and on-the-ball people in the Mushroom Kingdom. Things have changed a lot since he and his brother first set out to rescue Peach. Back in the good old days they were a team, going up against it all together and soundly kicking the collective arses of Bowser's finest as brothers. Oh those days. Those glorious, halcyon days. They could do anything back then, and the whole world was one big playground for them to share in victory.

Now however, he just sees Mario as a bit of a tit.

You see Luigi cottoned on to the situation far more swiftly than his brother did. For SMB1 and The Lost Levels he was in it just as deeply as Mario was (Though he did wonder about Peach after she sent them back to the start to rescue her all over again after they clocked World 8-4), but after spending some quality time with the princess in the US version of Super Mario Bros. 2 the cracks in her personality really began to show. When she got herself kidnapped again for SMB3 as a direct reaction to Mario's rescue of Daisy in SML, Luigi saw right through it, and by Super Mario World he was, to use a technical term, sick of the ho's bullshit.

He knew that holiday for the three of them was a mistake. She wanted to go to Dinosaur Land? Yeah, nice one Peach, no potential danger there. Of course he didn't see the kidnap coming before they even got on the plane. No siree. But seeing how far Mario had been sucked in by that point he went along for the ride, probably hoping he could use the shared time on the inevitable mission to make his brother see sense. No such luck. Maybe it was her increased resolution or the way she flashed her expanded colour pallete at him, but whichever cheap trick Peach used to keep Mario interested, it worked, and he remained as devoted as ever. Shortly afterwards, Luigi reluctantly gave up and left Mario to it. He'd tried for years, but now Peach was hijacking his life as well as that of his sibling. Luigi walked away, and that's why he hasn't been playable in a core Mario game since Super Mario 64. He knows what she's up to and he just won't play up to it any more.

Yeah, he popped up in New Super Mario Bros., but only to quickly snatch a little quality time with his much-missed sibling in multiplayer while he wasn't being distracted by Peach. He still had a run around the main game, but he made sure to only turn up for that after the whole farcical quest was over so as to avoid getting pulled into it. And it was the same with Super Mario Galaxy. He even went as far as pretending to get lost and captured a few times to put people off asking him to help.

Luigi has perhaps lost more than anyone as a result of Peach's whorish ego-trip. We feel for the guy and we hope he's managing to move on.


  • PureSpirit - December 16, 2010 5:06 a.m.

    So funny! and so true!
  • Lokolord - August 9, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    I'm personally against prejudice and the like, but this article really doesn't help the whole dumb blonde thing... just pointing that out.
  • Ng13 - March 11, 2010 7:44 p.m.

    This is actual epic win...... Never seen anybody so devoted to explaining the sordid affair between Mario and Peach, I'm glad it's finally out in the open xD
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:42 p.m.

    last comment, i meant fireproof
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:41 p.m.

    And TheWebSwinger, bowser probably ENJOYS the lava pits, because they never kill him, so he must be foreproof which makes the equivalent of a REALLY good, nice, hot, bath for him! And good for cooking burgers. Dont forget the burgers.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:39 p.m.

    Now THIS is hilarious. And I got here all thanks to the Top 7 Compendium. I really do feel sorry for Luigi, cos: He's smarter, greener, and more healthy than Mario, but do (most) people even care? No. They just want to save the stupid pink bimbo. And poor Yoshi. But, I just remembered, you know when they turned Mario into a kids programme? Im SURE one of the episodes showed none other than LUIGI finding yoshi. Which probably would have been better for the poor little guy anyway, seing what mario does to those goombas... o_O
  • venomman01 - February 8, 2010 11 p.m.

  • PhantomRose96 - January 20, 2010 1:58 a.m.

    Ha! I'll never look at the series the same way again. Simply brilliant.
  • kwwalker - December 1, 2009 7:38 p.m.

    Its like an episode of "behind the music" All the love triangles and scandal that come with video game celebrity
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:20 a.m.

    PEACH IS A HO!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot to add that to my last rant
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:19 a.m.

    Yeah BowserJr is peach's son because she wears that big dress so nobody could tell that she was pregnant for nine months. When she went into labor Bowser came and got her. Makes you stop and think? 0_o
  • dreamgor - July 12, 2009 8:39 p.m.

    I ignore this article even if it hits a chord oh and here's a link to an awesome vid about it: and darkxstar saying that us just stupid and even more so with that excuse recaptcha: carrots Sat O_o
  • Mattgue - July 12, 2009 3:23 p.m.

    hahahah lol maeby you are right bowser does reproduce asexually and luige is the sharpes person in the mushroom kingdom
  • Xeacons - July 12, 2009 3:17 p.m.

    PRECIOUS!!! Haven't laughed this hard in months!! But I do think if Peach was Jr's mom, he'd bare more resemblance. Don't forget all the other Koopa kids. If you ask me, Bowser reproduces asexually.
  • DarxStar - July 11, 2009 11 p.m.

    Baby Mario is Mario isn't he? About Bowser Jr. I'd been thinking the same thing. Just one problem: Peach was never kidnapped for nine months at a time so Bowser must have kidnapped her nine months later. I always liked Luigi better and now I like him more. Since no one has said it I have the right to say First to say First.
  • Shift - May 18, 2009 3:24 p.m.

    Personally, I think that this is gr's best article. Hands down. I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O
  • Da-Ku - May 4, 2009 3:57 p.m.

    This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD We need more like this
  • adrenaguy - March 12, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
  • EatShorts8 - March 10, 2009 4 a.m.

    the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
  • cell289 - January 25, 2009 3:31 a.m.

    9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.

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