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The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom

Bowser

As for the big guy, he's just loving this. And from a big evil bastard's perspective, why shouldn't he? His original plan to kidnap Peach twenty-three years ago has turned into the gift that keeps on giving. He just wanted control over the kingdom, but what he ended up with turned out to be far more satisfying.



He might not be sitting on a throne overtly ruling with an iron fist, but he's got absolute power in a way far more appealing to a vindictive lizardy git like himself. He's got Peach coming running to him like the secretly needy primadonna cheerleader runs to her gruff jock boyfriend for all kinds dubious 'approval'. A staged kidnapping attempt every couple of years allows him to secretly keep his dirty, claw-tipped fingers in all manner of pies without alerting suspicion, despite his bizarrely turning up at every kart race and party and acting like an old buddy. (What, you think after all that practice his schemes would still be legitimately failing two decades later? And you never wondered about the lack of animosity?) And most satisfying of all, he gets to see the perpetually cock-blocked plumber come blindly charging in to 'save' Peach, and gets to watch him walk away actually thinking he's won. Every. Single. Time

Oh how Bowser laughs after the end credits roll, and it's all thanks to Stockholm Syndrome. What a delightful little psychological disorder it is.

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35 comments

  • MW3M - January 20, 2009 10:51 p.m.

    This is the greatest article you have ever made. Hands down.
  • Coolbeans69 - January 21, 2009 1 a.m.

    this was pretty great
  • Corsair89 - February 9, 2009 9:37 p.m.

    I gotta say, this article is fantastic. Hands down one of the cleverest, thorough, and well-written articles I've even seen on this site, which is saying a lot. Very, very good job. In Peach's defense, she did get off her ass in Super Princess Peach to save Mario when he got kidnapped. She also helped Mario and was a playable character for most of the adventure in Super Paper Mario.
  • Stryde22 - February 9, 2009 10:52 p.m.

    now THIS is the kind of article i like to read. XD. the psychological analysis of fictional characters can be WAY too entertaining
  • Wordup95 - February 10, 2009 1:36 a.m.

    ... funny, :D
  • AA95mp - March 13, 2009 8:36 p.m.

    do you think toads could be drugs they are magic mushrooms.
  • reroxas - April 16, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    Ya know I always kinda understood the Mario story. That's why I don't really play Mario anymore why because Mario f**ked everyone over for Peach,Peach is a slut, Bowser is what this article said and Luigi Yoshi and everybody else is getting f**ked over because of this. And Luigi is better.
  • fallout3mutielover - April 19, 2009 6:12 p.m.

    haha stupid peach and her hoish life
  • Evernight - July 10, 2009 3:09 p.m.

    You forgot to mention Yoshi having to save Mario's child (where ever that is from) twice - taking care of the child like the nice uncle would when a absentee father goes gallivanting off after some trim. Yoshi is a saint for that - but like you said he no doubt got sick of the BS and left him. Friends will help you move - but they won't play daddy to your kids while you pursue a destructive relationship.
  • VideoGameKing - July 11, 2009 9:16 p.m.

    dosent luigi have dasiy as his Girlfriend?
  • barrage7667 - July 11, 2009 10:13 p.m.

    yea mario is a dick he will make sure daisy is ok but his own son!!! naaahhh let yoshi do it who cares if he dies as long as mario can get it on with his "i-need-more-attention-pay-attention-to-me" whore peach all nite he can always make another kid rite? dsigusting
  • TheWebSwinger - July 13, 2009 12:48 a.m.

    I don't see how Bowser wins. He's always falling in lava pits.
  • lovinmyps3 - July 14, 2009 2:39 a.m.

    Oh my god... that BITCH!! Haha
  • GrantG - July 14, 2009 2:54 a.m.

    it all makes sense now!
  • gatornation1254 - July 21, 2009 8:16 p.m.

    Man Luigi could kick Mario's ass any day of the week. And Peach needs to just shut her whore mouth.
  • cell289 - January 25, 2009 3:31 a.m.

    9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.
  • EatShorts8 - March 10, 2009 4 a.m.

    the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
  • adrenaguy - March 12, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
  • Da-Ku - May 4, 2009 3:57 p.m.

    This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD We need more like this
  • Shift - May 18, 2009 3:24 p.m.

    Personally, I think that this is gr's best article. Hands down. I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

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