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The Sexual Politics Of The Mushroom Kingdom

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Bowser

As for the big guy, he's just loving this. And from a big evil bastard's perspective, why shouldn't he? His original plan to kidnap Peach twenty-three years ago has turned into the gift that keeps on giving. He just wanted control over the kingdom, but what he ended up with turned out to be far more satisfying.



He might not be sitting on a throne overtly ruling with an iron fist, but he's got absolute power in a way far more appealing to a vindictive lizardy git like himself. He's got Peach coming running to him like the secretly needy primadonna cheerleader runs to her gruff jock boyfriend for all kinds dubious 'approval'. A staged kidnapping attempt every couple of years allows him to secretly keep his dirty, claw-tipped fingers in all manner of pies without alerting suspicion, despite his bizarrely turning up at every kart race and party and acting like an old buddy. (What, you think after all that practice his schemes would still be legitimately failing two decades later? And you never wondered about the lack of animosity?) And most satisfying of all, he gets to see the perpetually cock-blocked plumber come blindly charging in to 'save' Peach, and gets to watch him walk away actually thinking he's won. Every. Single. Time

Oh how Bowser laughs after the end credits roll, and it's all thanks to Stockholm Syndrome. What a delightful little psychological disorder it is.

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35 comments

  • PureSpirit - December 16, 2010 5:06 a.m.

    So funny! and so true!
  • Lokolord - August 9, 2010 11:47 p.m.

    I'm personally against prejudice and the like, but this article really doesn't help the whole dumb blonde thing... just pointing that out.
  • Ng13 - March 11, 2010 7:44 p.m.

    This is actual epic win...... Never seen anybody so devoted to explaining the sordid affair between Mario and Peach, I'm glad it's finally out in the open xD
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:42 p.m.

    last comment, i meant fireproof
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:41 p.m.

    And TheWebSwinger, bowser probably ENJOYS the lava pits, because they never kill him, so he must be foreproof which makes the equivalent of a REALLY good, nice, hot, bath for him! And good for cooking burgers. Dont forget the burgers.
  • ObsessionWithEdgeworth - February 26, 2010 10:39 p.m.

    Now THIS is hilarious. And I got here all thanks to the Top 7 Compendium. I really do feel sorry for Luigi, cos: He's smarter, greener, and more healthy than Mario, but do (most) people even care? No. They just want to save the stupid pink bimbo. And poor Yoshi. But, I just remembered, you know when they turned Mario into a kids programme? Im SURE one of the episodes showed none other than LUIGI finding yoshi. Which probably would have been better for the poor little guy anyway, seing what mario does to those goombas... o_O
  • venomman01 - February 8, 2010 11 p.m.

    BOWSER JUNIOR :O
  • PhantomRose96 - January 20, 2010 1:58 a.m.

    Ha! I'll never look at the series the same way again. Simply brilliant.
  • kwwalker - December 1, 2009 7:38 p.m.

    Its like an episode of "behind the music" All the love triangles and scandal that come with video game celebrity
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:20 a.m.

    PEACH IS A HO!!!!!!!!!!! I forgot to add that to my last rant
  • afroninjakatana - July 20, 2009 2:19 a.m.

    Yeah BowserJr is peach's son because she wears that big dress so nobody could tell that she was pregnant for nine months. When she went into labor Bowser came and got her. Makes you stop and think? 0_o
  • dreamgor - July 12, 2009 8:39 p.m.

    I ignore this article even if it hits a chord oh and here's a link to an awesome vid about it: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/443020 and darkxstar saying that us just stupid and even more so with that excuse recaptcha: carrots Sat O_o
  • Mattgue - July 12, 2009 3:23 p.m.

    hahahah lol maeby you are right bowser does reproduce asexually and luige is the sharpes person in the mushroom kingdom
  • Xeacons - July 12, 2009 3:17 p.m.

    PRECIOUS!!! Haven't laughed this hard in months!! But I do think if Peach was Jr's mom, he'd bare more resemblance. Don't forget all the other Koopa kids. If you ask me, Bowser reproduces asexually.
  • DarxStar - July 11, 2009 11 p.m.

    Baby Mario is Mario isn't he? About Bowser Jr. I'd been thinking the same thing. Just one problem: Peach was never kidnapped for nine months at a time so Bowser must have kidnapped her nine months later. I always liked Luigi better and now I like him more. Since no one has said it I have the right to say First to say First.
  • Shift - May 18, 2009 3:24 p.m.

    Personally, I think that this is gr's best article. Hands down. I'll never EVER look at Mario or Peach or any of them the same way again. Especially Bowser Jr. O_O
  • Da-Ku - May 4, 2009 3:57 p.m.

    This is pure awesomeness, i understand it more than i did at its first publishing xD We need more like this
  • adrenaguy - March 12, 2009 10:47 p.m.

    you know, eatshorts8, that's a little disturbing O_O
  • EatShorts8 - March 10, 2009 4 a.m.

    the Bowser Jr one really gets u thinking
  • cell289 - January 25, 2009 3:31 a.m.

    9 pages the sexual relations over certain 1979 pixel art makes me question my role in the clock tower of life.

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

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