The sexiest sprites of all time

Bits for hits!

Morrigan

In truth, this entire list could have been populated with fighting game characters, and it took a lot of work to limit the entrants to the very best. Among the lucky ladies is this outstanding little specimen. While Felecia was intended to be the "sexy one" of the Darkstalkers franchise, she was upstaged by the bat-eared boob-queen, and it's not hard to see why.

Tight clothes, a dark brooding exterior and a massive pair of ... wings... Morrigan is the ultimate fantasy for both goths, and those who secretly find goths hot but are too afraid of conventional social norms to admit it lest they get ostracized by the menfolk. So basically Morrigan is the ultimate fantasy to everybody.


Tyris Flare

She may hate Death Adder, but I've got a different snake she can acquaint herself with. I am of course talking about penis, employing my razor-sharp wordplay skills in order to blow your mind. Oh shut up, you can't do any better.

This flame-haired temptress from the Golden Axe series seems to think that doing battle in a bikini is a wise idea, and I don't blame either Ax Battler or Gillius Thunderhead for not discouraging her from this course of action. She has 16 bits of world class tits and nobody's taking that away from her.


Mai

Boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs milk.


Etna

I used to work with a van driver whose motto was "anything more than a handful's a waste," and I think that describes Etna perfectly. Of course, this van driver also used to say "A woman's got to have a massive great big dirtbox," so I don't know if using his words of wisdom in a published article is the most appropriate thing to do.

Nevertheless, this fiery trollop from downstairs might skirt a little too close to the jailbait border, but she is several thousand years old, so everything's above board. EVERYTHING.


The Native American From Custer's Revenge

Rounding out our sexiest pixels is, of course, that Native American ... or rather Naked American hurr hurr... lady from Custer's Revenge. Yes, it's true that she's little more than a blocky collection of vaguely flesh-colored squares, and yes it's true that there are coffee makers with a more humanoid appearance than her, but you're forgetting one thing:

She is naked.

The very concept of nudity is obviously attractive, more attractive in fact than a real woman who is fully dressed, because we are gamers, and the idea of something being naked and possibly female is the greatest thing in the world. That is, obviously, why the garbled mess of nondescript shapes in Custer's Revenge is the sexiest sprite of all time.

Mar 2, 2011

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