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The sexiest new characters of the decade

MISS 2002: Inspector Carmelita Montoya Fox



Introduced in: Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus (aka Sly Raccoon)

Yeah, she’s basically a furry. So what? If you can look past the glossy coat and the fox head, Carmelita’s endearing tenacity, provocative wardrobe and subtle Latin charms win this hands-down. In fact, we bet most of you are probably only fuming right now because we handed this to lesser-known Carmelita instead of 2002’s other internet-fetishized furry, Krystal from Star Fox Adventures.

But while Krystal might be the more obvious (and obviously half-naked) eye candy, Carmelita’s a more intriguing character. The law-and-order Batman to Sly Cooper’s thieving Catwoman, her will-they-won’t-they-is-she-going-to-kill-him relationship with Sly – which took three games to fully develop and mostly consisted of her alternately trying to arrest or shoot him – was actually one of the more involving romances of the PS2 era. And while she was serious about throwing Sly in prison, she’d frequently end up helping him when the chips were down – at which point we’d see that her obsession with arresting him was mingled with more than a little romantic fixation, however grudging and couched in denial. There’s something irresistible about seeing someone put aside rigid discipline and monomaniacal fixations to display a softer side, and Carmelita’s stone-cold exterior only made those moments more so. So long as you don’t define “sexy” as “immediate fap material,” it’s hard to see this going to anyone else.

Sexiest moment: Whenever Carmelita goes from stone-cold to red-hot, flying into a berserk, trigger-happy rage because “the ring-tail” gave her the slip again. Hey, at least she’s passionate about something.


MISTER 2002: Sly Cooper



Introduced in: Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus (aka Sly Raccoon)

We couldn’t very well give the Miss 2002 nod to Sly’s furry love interest/archnemesis and leave the man himself out in the cold. Especially not since Sly himself arguably fits the definition of “sexy” even more ably than Carmelita. A lithe escape artist and expert cat burglar, Sly’s the kind of character romance-novelists wish they could write, able to silently perform acrobatic feats of superhuman agility and look snappy doing them. He’s also completely fearless, sneaking into the lairs of archvillains and brazenly stealing from them, and he does so with that rare mix of sly humor and devil-may-care coolness generally reserved for your George Clooneys and James Bonds.

In fact, part of what makes Sly irresistible is that, much like Bond or Clooney’s version of Danny Ocean, Sly has a knack not only for continually getting in over his head, but also for always staying one step ahead. He’s not infallible, but somehow he always knows exactly what to do in almost every situation (or at least look like he does), and he always comes out smiling in the end. But he’s not one-dimensional, either – in spite of his charm, he has a serious side that shows through every once in a while, particularly when he’s talking about the murder of his parents, subsequent life as an orphan and rediscovery of his millennia-long thieving heritage. For a cartoon raccoon gentleman thief, he’s a surprisingly well-rounded and appealing guy.

Sexiest moment: At the end of the first game, when he kissed Carmelita, only to restrain her with her own handcuffs and escape while she was distracted. Just a little bit cruel, maybe, but a classic mischievous-bastard move nonetheless. And besides, it’s not like it made her much angrier than all the other times he’s given her the slip.


MISS 2003: Vanessa Z. Schneider




Introduced in: P.N. 03

Most videogame heroines are designed from the start to be sexy. Men buy the most games, so slapping a busty lady on the cover is bound to push a few more copies than a beefy dude. In the case of Vanessa, her erotic gyrations and stripper-sensuality are built into the gameplay, intertwining sex appeal and general mechanics into an inseparable cocktail of feminine artistry. As you guide her slinky frame around stark futuristic environments, she constantly taps her foot and shakes her hips to the omnipresent techno tunes echoing down the hall. Before long, you will be distracted by her waggling ass. It’s inevitable.

Capcom was well aware of what it had created, allowing you to unlock increasingly sillier costumes until  you’re left with a skimpy bathing suit. Now, don’t get the wrong idea here – she’s also an accomplished bounty hunter (a la Samus Aran) and on a quest for… something, we guess. Couldn’t really pay attention to the dialogue all that much. And if she’d controlled as good as she looked (and not like a pregnant whale driving a dump truck through syrup), Vanessa could have been the next Samus Aran, Lara Croft or Cate Archer. Instead, well, she’s just teeth-rotting eye candy.

Sexiest moment: She shakes her ass every time you press the fire button. Pressing the fire button is 99 percent of the game, by the way.


Above: Lookin’ good actually was her super power


MISTER 2003: The Prince



Introduced in: Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

When the PS2-era Prince of Persia series radically rebooted the venerable franchise with entirely new gameplay, it also completely reinvented its title character. Gone was the hero-turned-monarch, and in his place was an athletic, arrogant son of privilege who’d also received a major upgrade in the looks department. Not only is the Prince rich in swarthy, Mediterranean good looks – even making a normally douchey goatee work – but he kept losing clothes as the game went on. Sure, it was meant to show the physical toll his adventure was having on him, but we couldn't help staring at his inviting chest.

Plus, the emotional core of the game was the Prince’s journey from whiny kid to responsible adult, which developed alongside his slow-burn relationship with the mysterious and beautiful Princess Farah. Over the course of the tale, the Prince gradually puts his trust in Farah, only to be betrayed when she steals the Dagger of Time – although he does come to understand her justifiable reasons for doing it. When the game ends with him stealing a kiss from her and then rewinding time to before it happens, you can't help but laugh at his boyish demeanor in-spite of all he'd gone through. This happier Prince is the one we choose to remember; the less said about the prick he became in The Warrior Within, the better.

Sexiest moment: When Farah convinces him to share a bath with her, and the audience is treated to some T-rated nudity and implied sex.

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63 comments

  • elilupe - January 5, 2011 1:26 a.m.

    Two furries? I like it...
  • FauxFurry - January 4, 2011 1:54 a.m.

    Looking back at this article, I'm still surprised that noone mentioned Sly Cooper's perchant for perpetual pantlessness as being a contributing factor to his sex appeal. Way to take the high road (as in focus on the area above his snazzy belt buckle (worn for style as much as utility even if it is not utilized for the purpose of holding up lower body garments). Krystal wore a thong and a loin-cloth, at the very least(or should I say most?), rather than falling back on the whole impractical Chewbacca-esque fur merkin look. On the strictly human front, the lack of Sheva Alomar anywhere on the list is a pretty huge oversight. Can't anyone from (some vague location in what is clearly Western)Africa get any love?! 2010 looks to have a great crop of characters to round off this list and close out the previous decade in high style. You could practically pick any character at random from Final Fantasy XIII (yes,even Sazh if one has a thing for the more mature gentleman)as you could with any of the women introduced in Mass Effect 2 for new entries. You have Bayonetta, Jean, Rodin and Chesh...Luca for Sega's contribution. How about Hazama from BlazBlue:Continuum Shift to help fill your badboy quotient(he's also the who has the nigh unavoidable shirtless scene you get in anything anime related so long as attractive human males are involved)? Makoto isn't strictly new for 2010 but she ought to be close enough for the purposes of such an article (to get yet another 'man-animal hybrid' on the list,anyway). Page the firey revolutionary leader and Ben Finn the charming rogue from Fable 3 would also make fine inclusions if the customizable Prince/Princess don't qualify largely due to being the least interesting character(s) for most of the game. You'd just be begging for controversy if you pick anybody from Deathsmiles for the list, considering that all but one of the girls is in Bridget from Guilty Gears age range but lack that certain Y-Factor to lessen the creep factor any. You'd be better off with Raul the ghoul of Lily the super mutant than them! "sacred tliont"? That's not very helpful,ReCaptcha. Player defined names for Sacred characters does nothing to paint a visual image of how appealing this character 'tliont' may have been. The name isn't even particularly soothing to the eyes or ears.
  • hanktherapper - January 4, 2011 1:10 a.m.

    Cate Archer needs to make a comeback.
  • Gameover333 - January 4, 2011 12:18 a.m.

    Fang or lightning where is the love? for final fantasy 13?
  • RicePuddingUK - January 3, 2011 11:40 p.m.

    Mister 2002 should've been Tommy Vercetti, Sly Cooper seriously? Mister 2003 should've been Max Payne.....
  • Ganonpork - July 24, 2010 6:53 a.m.

    redo this with Bayonetta and Snow.
  • joy - January 19, 2010 4:02 a.m.

    Good List but what about Jade from Beyond Good & Evil Miss 2003?
  • PerezI03 - January 11, 2010 10:46 p.m.

    Zoey is the hottest gamer chick ever and i wish they brought her back into L4D 2. Rochelle is stupid. What ever happened to Sheva from RE5? She was smokin' hot also.
  • megalodon - January 9, 2010 10:25 p.m.

    Would love to see Chloe Frazer get her own spin off game real soon
  • wrapdump - January 6, 2010 1:44 p.m.

    2010: Bayonetta.
  • AssassinsCreedII - January 4, 2010 8:12 p.m.

    You are completly correct! Though, many preffer to call it "Twin Hidden Blades" IMHO I think both are right.
  • JDMDrifter - January 4, 2010 4:49 a.m.

    Ezio was the most obvious for mister 2009, and AssassinsCreedII you are mistaken GR is right it is Cristina he seduces, Claudia is Ezio's sister. Its not twin hidden blades either its double hidden blades. GR only made one mistake in the AC II article
  • JackSkellingtonsSkin - January 4, 2010 1:56 a.m.

    Naomi Campbell from MGS4, I know she was in MGS1 but in reality that was just a photo.
  • AssassinsCreedII - January 3, 2010 3:50 p.m.

    quite*
  • AssassinsCreedII - January 3, 2010 3:48 p.m.

    I just knew it would be Ezio! There is two mistakes in the ACII thread.. It's called "Twin Hidden Blades" and her name isn't Christine.. It's Claudia :-) and I wrote all this on my PS3 which by the way takes quit longer to write on..
  • iDeza - January 3, 2010 8:49 a.m.

    i gotta hand it to fran she is 1 sexy bitch
  • Romination - January 2, 2010 7:15 a.m.

    2002 was a bad year that animals had to take it. I think runners-up would have been nice
  • ClusterShart - January 2, 2010 4:41 a.m.

    Teddie is proof that crunches make you sexy.
  • Wubbles - January 1, 2010 6:46 a.m.

    I am totally beating up whoever said math wasn't interesting.
  • Frexerik - January 1, 2010 4:57 a.m.

    qft: "Saying a girl “has a great personality” is usually code for “my god is she ever fugly,”"

Showing 1-20 of 63 comments

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