The scariest clowns in videogames

Kinky Pinky – NARC

Simply put, no clown should ever be called Kinky Pinky. That alias, in and of itself, is utterly horrifying in the monstrous imagery it conjures up. You know a clown has the wrong name when putting it into a Google Image Search brings up pictures that will definitely get you fired.

As if that wasn't bad enough, just LOOK at him. Try and tell me you wouldn't shit your pants if you woke up in the middle of the night to see this knife-wielding demon, gazing upon you at the foot of the bed, pants down around his ankles, giant penis (painted to match his face) flapping in the breeze coming in through the window he broke to get to your chambers, and a dead dog nailed to the ceiling above you.

C'mon... that'd be a bit spooky.

Dhoulmagus – Dragon Quest VIII – Journey of the Cursed King

If there's one thing that could be said for Dragon Quest IX's devilish jester, it's that he has the most intimidating chin in all of interactive entertainment. That entire face is the stuff fear is made of, like a Mr. Punch puppet had sex with Nosferatu and shat out a baby.

Dhoulmagus also scores points for legitimate in-game terror. As the first truly devastating boss of the game, this guy is an absolute beast to be feared. Many and harrowing are my memories of fighting this evil, evil bastard. He's hard enough on his own, but once he splits into three... well, as Dhoulmagus himself would say – "Such a pity."

Adam – Dead Rising

Adam the psycho from Dead Rising is an amalgamation of humanity's greatest threats – clowns and chainsaws. He also has a voice that sounds like a cross between Mickey Mouse and Satan. Even Dog the Bounty hunter would let a little brown onion drop out of his ringpiece at the thought of that.

It takes some doing to upstage zombies as the scariest thing in a zombie game, but Adam takes home the prize. Congratulations, you squeaky voiced abomination.

That Horrible Thing from Heavy Rain – Heavy Rain

All of the above clowns present a threat to the player, yet they pale in comparison to this... nightmare corruption of Satan's darkest desires. Although this clown only appears in Heavy Rain for a handful of moments, it still manages to be the most traumatizing grotesque that ever did stalk God's sacred Earth.

This abnormal aberration is a freak of nature and a cruel jest of science, a gaping maw that yawns open at the dawn of time to swallow our innocence and spit us out as harbingers of sorrow and misfortune. O malcontent, o pitiless wretch! What carnival of sin and macabre pleasures of the phantom plane do you bring forth, that you may tear asunder our frail reality?

Also, that clown was driving the car that hit Jason. I guarantee it.

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  • michael-kelley - July 27, 2013 10:20 p.m.

    That moment when you decode the numbers from Minions load screens for Twisted Metal: Black and find out that your IN sweet tooth's mind. Horror and nightmares don't even begin to describe that pain and agony
  • lawless77 - January 7, 2011 7:18 p.m.

    Anyone else remember Killing Time? Great game, with scary clowns, if I'm recalling correctly. I played it back in the 3DO days.
  • KaiokenKid - January 7, 2011 7:07 p.m.

    honestly, i could maybe make a case that Sweet Tooth could one day become the Playstation Mascot if he hasnt arleady. Atleast i associate the character with PS.
  • WickedSid - January 7, 2011 5:48 p.m.

    I guess we can just chalk this one up to the funny column. Clowns, can't live beside them, they won't LET you live without them.
  • philipshaw - January 7, 2011 2:19 p.m.

    Good picks
  • Shuuvuia - January 7, 2011 12:40 p.m.

    You know, even though it was meant to be funny, the Pint-Sized slasher was kind of creepy.
  • Robusken - January 7, 2011 6:06 a.m.

    I'm not...afraid of clowns, they just make everything super awkward for me. Just looking at Adam gives me the creeps.
  • CancerMan - January 7, 2011 6 a.m.

    Jesus Christ, what is that abomination from Heavy Rain?
  • Haxorz - January 7, 2011 4:44 a.m.

    Clowns are a threat to all mankind.
  • mostlyhybrid - January 7, 2011 3:24 a.m.

    ive always hated clowns. ALWAYS. this hasn't helped the matter either.
  • FALLINGINFIRE - January 6, 2011 11:48 p.m.

    I have severe coulrophobia, so thank you for the post :(
  • KnightDehumidifier - January 6, 2011 11:09 p.m.

    Going old school, Fiendish Freddy of Fiendish Freddy's Big Top O' Fun. Four words sums it up best: Created by Chris Grey.
  • skeletalbutton - January 6, 2011 10:29 p.m.

    @nicfonz It seems that one day clowns stopped being children's entertainment and became the stuff of nightmares. Who isn't afraid of clowns these days?
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - January 6, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    You forgot the clowns from Left 4 Dead 2.
  • FauxFurry - January 6, 2011 10:17 p.m.

    @nicfonz-Coulrophobia never goes out of style,much like plain white T-shirts and wearing a single functional belt in lieu of composing one's entire ensemble out of them. Sarcastic responses to articles about these perennial paranoias might be the new thing,though. I don't keep up with all of the trends as well as I should sometimes.
  • nicfonz - January 6, 2011 10:02 p.m.

    Does anyone else think that being afriad of clowns is just the "in" thing right now? Like boot cut jeans?
  • 510BrotherPanda - January 6, 2011 10 p.m.

    DhoulMagus looks like a creepier, less-funny Jay Leno. ...If that were even possible.
  • FauxFurry - January 6, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    Everyone seems to be missing the carnivorous clown found in that old NES 'classic',McKids. I still see him from time to time on TV, on billboards, in fast-food venues and whereever cheap food and cheaper labor can be found,long after I've last so much as laid eyes on the game cartridge. The terror sticks with a person for just that long. I think its gotten to Ron English,too. The man is obsessed with the monstrosity like its his own White Whale to harpoon (or lampoon).
  • deformedorange - January 6, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    Robert Bowling is a Stealth Clown!
  • bamb0o-stick - January 6, 2011 9:33 p.m.

    "Also, that clown was driving the car that hit Jason. I guarantee it." LOL. I totally knew that clown that gave Jason the balloon was bad news. It just casted a bad feeling in the game at that moment. He and his balloons are evil!

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