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The most superior superior races

 

Evidence and source material: Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3

Why they’re superior: These guys are so powerful that they were sealed in a giant space ring to be forgotten about forever. Then they made a game about what happens when you go to the space ring.

The downside: Basically, the Flood get everywhere and they’re impossible to get out. The hard-to-reach area behind the refrigerator, in-between the joints of your Mjolnor armor and the spot on your back that you need someone else to scratch for you. All those places are going to be covered in Flood, and Flood are gross, like boogers.

 

Will they replace us? Just one man can stop the human race from being turned into goobers: John something-or-other. He’s the Spartan soldier more easily remembered as Master Chief.

All Master Chief has to do is activate Halo. Or maybe stop it from being activated? Or activate it in the right way? Won’t that destroy the universe? No, just the bad part of the universe. Really? How do you figure?

Who built these Halos, anyway? Did they think it was a good idea? Can’t we just go somewhere else and quit fighting these aliens? It’s a big universe, after all. What the hell is even going on?

 

 

 

 

Evidence and source material: Mass Effect

Why they’re superior: They’re an ancient race hibernating in deep space, monitoring other species and waiting for them to reach a certain technological maturity. Once the inhabitants of the galaxy have advanced enough, the Reapers will awaken and destroy everything. It’s a cycle that’s continued for countless thousands, maybe even millions, of years. They have a first-rate respect for tradition.


Above: One of the lesser species 

They’re also way bigger than other species and easily mistaken for starships. In Mass Effect, the Reaper Sovereign, who was left behind to call the rest of his race at the appropriate time, is at first mistaken for a flagship in the villainous Saren’s fleet. It’s not until much later that we discover Sovereign is the puppet master behind Saren’s misguided actions.

 

The downside: They destroy everything, not just the humans.

Will they replace us? No, these guys aren’t in it to replace anyone. They’re just jerks. The idea is that we will be replaced by whatever species rises from the ashes of our destruction, while they catch several thousand years of beauty rest and think about how much fun they’re going to have the next time they get to annihilate all life.

Feb 5, 2009


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86 comments

  • animeaddictoid - April 1, 2010 1:14 a.m.

    Zerg FTW, We will rule! Hail Kerrigan
  • unclemitso - March 29, 2010 5:40 a.m.

    Greeks? God of war Age of Empires/Mythology Spartan total warrior 300
  • BareAssGodzilla - March 12, 2010 10:05 a.m.

    "Above: The Nazis’ most powerful weapon" ? really? Mel Gibsons head in a jar ontop of a robot is their most powerfull weapon? ok wut ev
  • Crimson_xWolfx - February 20, 2010 10:23 p.m.

    This list is pretty pathetic man, I mean seriously? These are insignificant compared to The Tyranid, and some perhaps not but you can't forget some like the Chimera. Seriously though, WTF? Tyranid > Everything On That List.
  • hagapluza - May 10, 2009 2:55 a.m.

    One word: The Zerg WILL asimulate us. :)
  • Pool - May 9, 2009 4:25 p.m.

    This is the best thing I've seen on the internet all month.
  • Satanshadow94 - May 7, 2009 7:28 a.m.

    Ok once again you didn't do your resurch on the gears the danm intro movie because the obviosly the underground tunnels were big enough to escape through and the locust that didn't got emulsion poisening(Like Derral the ridable brumak) so pay attention to more than RPG's I can and I'm 14 and play SH!T loads of both
  • Darkdraak21 - February 27, 2009 10:32 p.m.

    Oh what no Covenant? If you mentioned the flood in this one then next ones gotta be the Covenant if they lost on the ground they pull back into orbit and "glass" the planet which means burn it to a crisp.
  • Anonymous93 - February 14, 2009 12:11 p.m.

    Where Are The Pinats From Viva Pinata?
  • bearfarmer - February 10, 2009 3:59 p.m.

    is that an earlier form of francis in the left 4 dead pic?(with hair?)
  • Kaz993 - February 9, 2009 3:49 a.m.

    awesome article.
  • shadowdude - February 8, 2009 11:53 p.m.

    you kno what reapers remind me of ? lavos from chrono trigger the lesser one looks like a man-o-war lol
  • trungie - February 8, 2009 11:26 a.m.

    And how can i forget... 7. Xenomorphs 8. Preditors / Yautja
  • trungie - February 8, 2009 11:09 a.m.

    Joined GR to say.. HOW CAN U LEAVE OUT?: 1. The Borg - Star trek 2. Species 8472 - Star trek 3. The Wraith - Stargate Atlantis 4. The Cylons - Battlestar Galactica 5. The Jem'Hadar - Star trek And i gotta say this... 6. CHUCK NORRIS??????? (jk) lol
  • xmido - February 8, 2009 4:40 a.m.

    in gears of war, the humans are the invaders.
  • georgeguy - February 8, 2009 12:55 a.m.

    funniest thing ive seen for a long while
  • noobeater - February 7, 2009 11:08 p.m.

    must be a part 2 this article is perhaps the best iv seen on here if not part 2 then a look at which of these would win in a big showdown
  • T-Bone95 - February 7, 2009 10:13 p.m.

    Needs to have a part 2. Now, what about the Necromorphs?
  • PabloEsc1337 - February 7, 2009 7:01 p.m.

    No Protoss? I mean, ya, they're passive... but you piss em off, you get your ass beat!
  • thejadefalcon - February 7, 2009 12:31 p.m.

    You got the Reapers wrong. The Cycle's been going on for at least a couple of billion years. There's one planet description that mentions a 'Great Rift' or something caused by a glancing blow by a mass effect round of 'unimagininable power'. Which means that we're probably going to lose in Mass Effect 3.

Showing 1-20 of 86 comments

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