The most stupidly stupid game scenarios ever

A frog has to use logs to get across a stream, because he can’t swim.

You’re a bus driver. You drive buses. And that huge lump of speeding metallic death that you’re in control of? You’re not allowed to speed with it, or inflict death. Because you’re a real bus driver, not one of those silly videogame ones. ROCK AND ROLL!

In a series of events in no way related to a pound and a half of cocaine, Tim has lost Binford’s new tools but minutes before the start of a show. Whatever to do?! Well being a REAL MAN (ugh ugh ugh, etc.), Tim sets forth around the lot surrounding the Tool Time set to find them.

Not too dangerous a task for a REAL MAN (ugh ugh ugh, etc.), you might ponder. Not so. Because for added authenticity, the TV station has a policy of using real, actual dinosaurs in its prehistoric dramas. Similarly, Egyptian mummies are played by the real, actual, murderous undead. The Emmies will just flow this year.

Okay, so the whole “Vader finds a magic door to the SC universe, goes after the swords, Yoda goes through to stop him” thing was in itself madder than a serial killer made out of jam, but what made the contrivance even more galling was that for no reason whatsoever (*cough*cynical format-exclusive-character business model*cough*), Yoda seemed to forget all about Bad Skywalker once he arrived, and never actually fought him at all! (*cough*unless you paid for the DLC*cough*)

There are knights. And they are jousting. On ostriches. In the sky. This would already be crazier than Ed Gein enjoying an episode of Ghost Whisperer, but consider the following also: Joust is currently being made into a live-action movie. Set in the future. Right this second. Oh dear.

Epic game plots made simple
Gaming's most dizzying plots for dummies

 The Top 7... WTF?! Endings
When cursing and confusion are your only reward

 Why you're actually playing as the bad guys in Gears Of War
Want to REALLY save the planet? Leave it to the Locust

 Ludicrous in-game explanations for normal in-game mechanics
We know it's not real. You don't have to make excuses


  • FanofSaiyan - January 31, 2010 6:13 p.m.

    Dr. Mario, Katamari Damacy, and Frogger... pure awesomeness. >D
  • PhantomRose96 - January 13, 2010 1:13 a.m.

    It's Okay Frogger; I just forgot how to walk.
  • PhantomRose96 - January 13, 2010 1:12 a.m.

    Oh Frogger...Very few things can sadden a gamer more than a frog who cannot swim.
  • mentalityljs - June 25, 2009 2:27 a.m.

    "A frog has to use logs to get across a stream, because he can’t swim." LMFAO Brilliant! recaptcha: but lettering
  • MoonPig - May 6, 2009 2:54 p.m.

    LMAO! Loved the Bus Driver entry.
  • Kruiser - May 6, 2009 1:48 p.m.

    Wow, some snippy comments today guys. You must have found a better alternate website for looking up hilarious yet educational videogame related stories and lists. Oh, that place doesn't exist and you yourself don't add one positive thing to the internets? Then shut the hell up please. Gamesradar is the cream of the crop as far as I know, and even if you don't like EVERYTHING they write, I don't see how you can come down on a simple yet fun article like this. and i hate doing recaptcha, but "Work appear"... must be affected by the economy. Or job island.
  • magicwalnuts0 - May 6, 2009 5:56 a.m.

    Joust FTW
  • ssj4raditz - May 6, 2009 3:11 a.m.

    Job Island sounds amazingly epic.
  • gmilf71 - May 6, 2009 12:46 a.m.

    lol yoda with a joint. why was darth vader and yoda in that one? made no sense, but no one questioned it because vader and yoda are just so baddass. until now.
  • nik41507 - May 5, 2009 11:23 p.m.

    Funny as hell. If hell is funny of course. :) :( :0 " " :] :[ :I (--) reCAPTCHA: program tangy
  • maedene - May 5, 2009 10:56 p.m.

    i want to see a game/movie with the main antagonist being a serial killer made out of jam... hell i'll even PLAY a serial killer made out of jam, that would be SWEET
  • GoldenMe - May 5, 2009 10:54 p.m.

    Meh, not really a good article. "Joust is currently being made into a live-action movie. Set in the future. Right this second. Oh dear." This made it worse.
  • SunshineHobo - May 5, 2009 10:33 p.m.

    Toad: Dr.Mario the mushroom kingdom needs you! Dr.Mario: Not now! I'm doing brain surgery! Toad: But that's his knee!? Dr.Mario: Do you have a PHD? NO! So shut it! Toad: Do you? Dr.Mario: WHAT?! -Great article guys-
  • SuperGoomba64 - May 5, 2009 9:52 p.m.

    I wished there was a REAL Shopping-Radar, I would spend all my money on Gamesradar products.
  • skyguy343 - May 5, 2009 9:09 p.m.

    i dont get the mario sketch. splain?
  • Kerfluffle - May 5, 2009 7:34 p.m.

    Hmmm.... probably should have had Oblivion: YOU: "So, Patrick Stewart, why am I in the Imperial City jail again?" Patrick: "Well I am not sure of this even though I'm the FUCKING KING OF AN ENTIRE CONTINENT. Perhaps the Gods have placed you here so that we should meet.....blahblahFate blahblahbullshitblah. Even if the Gods DID stick you in a fucking prison to somehow reward you for being Cyrodiil's savior, it doesn't explain why, if they are all-knowing, that they can't see you doing all the crazily evil shit you can do in that game.
  • peaceful765 - May 5, 2009 5:15 p.m.

    That sketch from jam was Dark, dark, dark and dark but I strangely enjoyed it. The sketch later on with the troubled woman made me laugh. REcaptcha: handier linda
  • fluorine - May 5, 2009 4:33 p.m.

    I'm with you about the entire "Yoda in Soul Calibur Universe" thing...And the fact that you don't get to play Vader on Xbox 360 (unless you pay extra), and the fact that even if you get to play Vader, he's really not that fun to play with...(too slow)...and the fact that when I use Yoda facing starkiller (the hot guy from the Force Unleashed), Yoda got kicked a$$ hard; when I unlock Starkiller and used him against Yoda, Starkiller got kicked a$$ hard...(why is that?!) ... One thing, though, Starkiller looks a lot hotter in SC IV than in his own game Force Unleashed...
  • mari-takayama - June 9, 2014 2:11 p.m.

    Probably because the COM auto player is a cheat. I've had that experience before with the Apprentice from Force Unleashed...and broke the left control stick of my Xbox controller.
  • Xplosive59 - May 5, 2009 3:25 p.m.

    full auto 2 - skynet wasnt skynet in the terminator? great article GR

Showing 1-20 of 35 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000