The most sick, morally questionable Achievements and Trophies

Need for Speed: Carbon
Need for Speed: Hit 230mph in a speed trap (20G)

Well done!
You've driven at an exceedingly high-speed with a complete disregard for the safety of pedestrians, especially small children and slow-moving old people.

Overlord II
Seal Slayer: You have killed 100 baby seals (20G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done!
You've brutally massacred a considerable number of nature's most adorably sweet-faced and completely defenceless mammals. You truly are a heartless bastard of the absolute highest order.

Smasher: Break 30 windows in one day (15G)

Well done!
You are totally inept at your job and can't even complete the remedial task of delivering a newspaper without making a complete ass of things.

Wrecking Yard: Destroy 2,000 vehicles (20G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done!
Your indiscriminate destruction of automobiles has deprived thousands of the independence that their primary source of transportation affords them.

Master Thief: 50 pockets picked (10G)

Well done!
You are shameless, scheming, scum-bag filth with an aversion to honesty and are reviled by all decent, hard-working folk.

Saints Row
Negotiator: Took 50 hostages (10G)

Well done!
You've endangered the lives of many innocent bystanders, who must now enrol for an extended course of counselling to help them cope with the deep emotional and psychological distress the trauma has caused them.

Soldier of Fortune: Payback
Not Enough Milk: Perform 500 dismemberments (30G)

Well done!
You are an inhumane serial butcher that makes Jeffrey Dahmer look like Snow White.

Sonic Unleashed
Hungry Hungry Hedgehog: Eat everything in the world (30G/Silver Trophy)

Well done! You're a fat selfish bastard and now there's nothing left for the rest of us.

Soul Calibur IV
Encounter the Unknown: Fight against Yoda (10G)

Well done!
You're such a belligerent punchy twat that you've somehow managed to have a swedge with the universe's most peace-loving 900 year-old goblin.

Massive D: Cause at least $75,000,000 of damage (20G)

Well done!
You've sent the insurance premiums of hard-working tax payers through the roof and consequently forced the closure of several small, independent, family-run businesses that simply can't afford the additional overheads.

Supreme Commander
Firestorm: Fire 100 nukes (20G)

Well done!
Not only have you killed millions of people, but your actions have ushered in a catastrophic nuclear winter that has rendered the entire planet completely dead for the foreseeable future.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena
Basic Weapon Handling level 3: Kill 10,000 people (30G/Silver Trophy)

Well done! You're the first person in history to commit genocide single-handedly.

The Godfather
Earner: Extort 10 businesses (10G)

Well done!
You're a bully and a thug that makes a living by taking money from law-abiding folk by scaring them shitless with threats of violence and vandalism.

The Incredible Hulk
Master of Disaster: Destroy every building in a New York City neighbourhood (35G)

Well done! You've killed, injured and displaced thousands of people.

Turning Point: Fall of Liberty
Swirly Time!: Drown a German in a toilet in the Tower of London (5G)

Well done! You're a xenophobic murderer.

September 24, 2009

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  • Romination - September 24, 2009 1:22 p.m.

    Turning Point and Fallout are my favorites. I think i would have put the fallout one just as a joke and then got the achievement (and been like 'WHOA!) and the turning point is specific...are there no other toilets in the game? they're everywhere in duke nukem 3d, and that was a long time ago! gaming lavatories should have improved drastically since then...
  • Pr0fesserCha0s - September 24, 2009 1:40 p.m.

    Well Done! GR, you just made another memorable and funny article :)
  • BeastXIII - September 24, 2009 1:46 p.m.

    "Encounter the Unknown" "Well done! You're such a belligerent punchy twat that you've somehow managed to have a swedge with the universe's most peace-loving 900 year-old goblin." Made me laugh my ass off, great article, Mr. Cundy, you UK blokes crack me up consistently... Now if only you UK tdar guys had some kinda face off against the US tdar boys... Settle the tdar supremacy battle once and for all! (In all seriousness, some kinda joint podcast would be AWESOME!)" P.S. "If you did any of these in the real-world, you'd be an a*shole." That made me giggle too. P.P.S. My friend's uncle's ex-wife's former lover's bastard child's dog's mother's owner's stalker heard that Antista said that the royal family is bollocks. You guys aren't just gonna take that... are you? Teach them limey yanks a lesson, for the Queen!
  • jar-head - September 24, 2009 3:08 p.m.

    in turning Point, Fall of Man, i thought it was ironic to kill a Nazi, by flooding his lungs with pure's only Fair...I mean...when you send over 1,000,000 Marines and airborne troops in a single day, halfway across the know your Screwed, by all Means...
  • WonsAuto - September 24, 2009 3:21 p.m.

    Haha, loved the Stranglehold achievement. Good work as always, Mr. Cundy.
  • listerfeend - September 24, 2009 4:03 p.m.

    You missed from Darkest of Days: Horse Puncher 100 Punch a horse in the face, killing it.
  • Matt Cundy - September 24, 2009 4:09 p.m.

    @listerfeend Yes. Punching a horse to death is pretty sick. Don't know how I missed it...
  • Ded - September 24, 2009 5:18 p.m.

    Amusing :D but no Fable II? I'm surprised!
  • Sandrock62 - September 24, 2009 5:35 p.m.

    OMFG, so hilarious. Favorites: Call of Duty, Fallout 3, Darkest of Days, and Bomberman Act Zero
  • nadrewod999 - September 24, 2009 5:35 p.m.

    @Ded: Fable II, while you may like it, only seems to have legal things be Achievements (some religions endorse bigamy, or two wives) This, on the other hand, is all stuff that would land you with a permanent cell right next to the Joker's in Arkahm Asylum, but simply gives you five imaginary points while playing as a virtual person, and is thus ignored by the mass media (they are not mainstream because they: 1, are totally off-key with basically all of America except themselves and politicians; and 2, said that video games are evil (with a "debate" that they ran only featuring people who are notoriously against video games))
  • nadrewod999 - September 24, 2009 5:38 p.m.

    Speaking of these achievements (specifically "Bomb Technician"), who else has seen the Warehouse 13 season finale, where they have an artifact that allows a suicide bomber to never die? I thought that was very scary. Imagine if the suicide bombers in Iraq were immediately ready to become a moving explosion all over again. We would have lost all of our soldiers and all of our support for the war years ago.
  • Conman93 - September 24, 2009 6:14 p.m.

    LOLO Games these days are brutal
  • Conman93 - September 24, 2009 6:17 p.m.

    btw, love how u used father jack on the cover of the article
  • CatrParrot - September 24, 2009 6:31 p.m.

    Great article! I knew Prototype would be on this list, I can only imagine how hard it must've been to pick only one of it's achievements.
  • Samael - September 24, 2009 6:37 p.m.

    Fucking hilarious. Do a sequel to this, I'm sure there are a bunch more evilchievements out there.
  • DirkSteele1 - September 24, 2009 6:40 p.m.

    Every game that I own that featured on this list I have the achivement in question. I think I might be morally questionable.... Great article.
  • TheGiaour - September 24, 2009 6:48 p.m.

    Probably at least detonated twice as many nukes in Starcraft as I have with Supreme Commander. Such great memories.
  • Yeager1122 - September 24, 2009 7:11 p.m.

    only done 3 of them:( i got catching up to do.
  • jamboy199three - September 24, 2009 7:15 p.m.

    great article but I Really had my hopes up for a stab at the werehog at the end like "become the werehog" you bastard
  • crimson_soulreaper305 - September 24, 2009 7:44 p.m.

    now that was funny in some weird sick way. to me GTA IV should have an achievement/trophy called "MOVE B****!!":run over 5000 people with your car/50G,gold trophy. now theres something worth getting

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