The most disturbing Pokemon of all time

Cringe in horror at official in-game descriptions of these tiny terrors

Words: GamesRadarBrettElston on April 22, 2010

Pinsir

Official description: “It grips prey with its pincers until the prey is torn in half. What it can’t tear, it tosses far.”

There aren’t many cases of Pokemon attacking humans, but it certainly must happen. If Pinsir were ever pushed to the edge, I imagine the victim would be an unrecognizable assemblage of limbs, bones and pureed red stuff. It’s also weird that they make sure to explain Pinsir throws whatever he can’t rend from its prey.

Haunter

Official description: “Its tongue is made of gas. If licked, its victim starts shaking constantly until death eventually comes.”

This basically amounts to intense physical torture. Haunter is already a badass looking Pokemon, so it goes without saying it gets into some seriously messed up situations, but going so far as to say it intentionally cripples its victims with fatal convulsions is a whole new realm of fear.

Mismagius

Official description: “Its cries sound like incantations. Those hearing it are tormented by headaches and hallucinations.”

As with Grimer, this effect suggests a hostile, nearly unlivable world filled with terrifying creatures. It’s not like there’s one Mismagius causing grief out there – no, there’s probably hundreds, if not thousands of these things floating around, apparently sending untold numbers of people into fits of hysteria. Where are all of these people in the games? Buried alive?

Snubbull

Official description: “It has an active, playful nature. Many women like to frolic with it because of its affectionate ways.”

The idea of a Poke-harem is suitably disturbing, but I also wonder how women are supposed to frolic with a frowning, gruff-looking dog-thing that’s half as tall as they are? This one’s distressing in a different, more alarming way.

Naturally there were a few we had in mind that didn’t make the cut, but what about you? Anything in the Poke-verse that’s always rubbed you the wrong way? Let us know below!

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Platforms:

Wii, DS

Topics:

Pokemon

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ChaosEternal - April 28, 2012 6:50 p.m.

I've noticed all of these before, but I prefer just to try to forget the implications. Some things are just better to forget. ._. Also, the Alakazham one isn't necessarily disturbing. It is possible its brain cells naturally die off quickly enough that it is fine or that it replicates only when new cells are needed to replace dead cells. Still... best just not to think about it.
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Bluefox - April 22, 2011 9:24 a.m.

This has been one of the best articles I've read on the site. I concur with the rest, monthly feature, please!
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ShokuaHyuga - September 26, 2010 6:37 p.m.

Anyone ever pay a second thought the description of Swellow, the evolved form of Tailow? It says that it eats Wurmple! One species of Poke'mon eating another, that's some something that's never truly been addressed.
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Schnipke - May 28, 2010 3:11 a.m.

I remember in third generation pokedex that Duskull kidnap naughty children and in one of the newer games that dusclops capture a lot of will-o-wisps and hold them in there bodies. recaptcha: somatostatin noddy what the hell do those words mean?!?
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lincoln6echo - April 28, 2010 12:07 p.m.

Snubbull, what a slut!
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edudls - April 28, 2010 2:15 a.m.

all forms of gastly are weird, gastly dies if there is a high wind, haunter kills people with deadly convulsions, and gengar hides in the shadows and steals people's souls. and how has nobody mentioned darkrai? a pokemon that invades people's dreams and keeps them in a neverending nightmare? i cant imagine that im the only one who was creeped out when i saw that kid lying in his bed, unable to wake up in canalave city
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Sandrock62 - April 26, 2010 9:13 p.m.

All of the tentacle pokemon... I mean, really!?! Do they really need that many pokemon who have a shit load of tentacles???
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GameManiac - April 25, 2010 3:46 a.m.

If there was a sequel to this article, Lopunny and Golbat would make the cut for it. Lopunny because I SWEAR that something was mentioned about it's physical appearance and Golbat because its a Poke-vampire-man that sucks blood until engorged (I paid attention to the pokedex description from SoulSilver). For some reason I can't explain (Viva La Vida reference), I found the pics more to laugh about than to cringe at. Maybe deep down, I want the series to take a turn to the more mature, and I truly feel that. So much of Pokemon can be assumed from what little info is given.
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Smeggs - April 25, 2010 3:35 a.m.

Also I concur with El_Hombre11, this should be a weekly or monthly update. There are over 493 pokemon, and we already know the fifth generation that will have another 100+ pokemon is on it's way.
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Smeggs - April 25, 2010 3:31 a.m.

I believe the Alakazam one actually meant until it died of OLD AGE, not from his brain getting too large. Anyway one thing that has always seemed very off to me is that there are some pokemon who's descriptions state that they eat other pokemon. right now Sneasel's is the only one I remember (from silver) and I believe it said that Sneasel's eat Pidgey eggs? I mean, these are the only animals in this world, there are no dogs, only growlithes or poochyenas and the like. No birds or fish, just Fearow or Gyarados. So the carnivourous looking beasties such as Tyrannitar or Ursuring must eat other, smaller creatures like Goldeen and Caterpie, right? Another thing is I remember the old Johto pokemon series from when I was like eight or nine years old, and Ursuring always tried to make anything that it saw EXTREMELY dead. So I wonder how many people bit it in the pokemon universe from being attacked by pokemon? Pokemon is a very dark franchise when you think of how things must actually work in it's ecosystem.
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El_Hombre11 - April 25, 2010 1:43 a.m.

You KNOW Cubone is a messed up character when all of your friends that hate their parents say that Cubone is their favorite pokemon. Please please PLEASE make this a weekly feature!!!! haha so many lolz
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flameking1087 - April 24, 2010 11:21 p.m.

cubone is like my fav... now i like him even more.
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conchking - April 23, 2010 8:35 p.m.

Shouldn't cubones be extinct if all the babies take the skulls from their mother's head?
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american101 - April 23, 2010 8:08 p.m.

Im scared of pokemon now, im glad i removed the original poster because im never going to look at it again.
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soccerclownking - April 23, 2010 7:28 p.m.

Im pretty sure i won't be able to play Pokemon any more...Thanks GR
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pokemonboy111 - April 23, 2010 6:09 p.m.

wait, it cubone wears the skull of its dead mother wont his/her head be smaller? and then his/her child has to have a smaller head still!
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Conman93 - April 23, 2010 6:09 p.m.

From reading their descriptions, if u get palkia and dialga in the same room, u basically get the big bang or God! Cant they just keep them simple.
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Clovin64 - April 23, 2010 4:51 p.m.

That Drowzee pic is going to revisit me in my nightmares tonight. Either that or DROWZEE WILL EAT THEM.
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metroid2099400 - April 23, 2010 3:28 p.m.

Parasect, definitely. The insect is controlled directly by the mushroom on its back, which forces the insect to lay its eggs, then cover them with mushroom spores, which continue the cycle of parasitism.
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Xplosive59 - April 23, 2010 3 p.m.

also was anybody else reminded of... dead skin mask by slayer ed gein the american serial killer who wore his mums dead body silence of the lambs and texas chainsaw massacre ...all for the cubone entry
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