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What's that annoying sound? That's the cry of Staraptor, the final Starling Pokemon. And don't think this was an easy choice: the Pokemon series now boasts more different pocket monsters than ever, all of them with a battle cry that sounds like a fax machine being tortured. But not all of them make you wince quite like Staraptor's high-pitched squawk.
Above: Now, if only we could make it disappear
How bad's it going to get? Ambitiously, the Pokemon games have been attempting to synthesize the calls of made-up animals ever since they were being cranked out on the primitive Game Boy sound chip. Bizarrely, now that they're being played on the DS – a much more advanced system – they haven't gotten any better.
Make it stop! If you're willing to go through the game without bringing Starly to its ultimate potential, you need never hear this horrific noise at all, unless you're challenged by another trainer with one. In the meantime, there are about 5,999,999 other horrid noises to withstand.
What's that awful sound? That's the Codec, a device implanted deep inside your inner ear. It will never alert any of the myriad bad dudes that you, as any variety of the Snake fun-bunch, are tasked with avoiding. No, you're the only one who'll be hearing that sound, over and over, whenever successive Metal Gear Solid games feel too much like a tactical espionage action videogame instead of an interactive essay about postmodernism.
Above: The Metal Gear series gave us books with better collision detection and Codec’s incessant beeping
How bad's it going to get? For sections of the games, your job will basically be that of a Codec-responder with an occasional break for actual gameplay. We admit that the Codec sound could be worse, which is a good thing because it sure seems like you hear it a lot.
Above: Much the same as it was five minutes ago, Roy!
Make it stop! Depressing the Select button will cease the Codec's bleeping, allowing players to progress to a lengthy conversation sequence that somehow stops all other in-game action. Finishing this conversation sequence will allow another Codec-answering challenge to commence. Let’s hear it for devices that advance a game’s story!
What's that awful sound? Hard to hear, isn't it? Subtle, yes? That's the humming of a power-up, somewhere in the immediate vicinity and yet just beyond your reach. If you (hypothetically) wanted all the health and missile tanks, you could (hypothetically) spend hours quietly putting up with this subtly vexing tone!
Above: It’s the sound of a power-up you haven’t collected. Completionists beware
How bad's it going to get? Well, you can walk away from it and it'll go away completely. But then you'll just spend the next six hours of game time with an equally nagging voice in your brain telling you to go back and find the damn thing.
Make it stop! That won't be easy. Either raise hell and high water to collect the power-up, or walk away and face the consequences of never fulfilling your full potential.
Above: And hey, bully for them
Said consequences being that the next time you hear Metroid Prime's second most irritating sound effect, the buzzing of the War Wasp, the horrendous creature will stand a better chance of stinging you to death.
What's that awful sound? The cloying bray of the Cliff Racer: a dopey beast that will never kill you, never give you good experience, and never drop any loot worth a damn. And yet they love to attack in droves, slowing your progress to a crawl and providing an excellent advertisement for any kind of fast travel feature.
How bad's it going to get? As if the sound itself weren't bad enough, imagine the noise of the ridiculous, pterodactyl-meets-dodo creature constantly dodging your attacks, and imagine that this is trying to happen whenever you're trying to get anywhere.
Make it stop! Why bother? Kill the horrid beast, try not to catch some sort of horrible disease, and the next one will assuredly be along in about a minute. Repeat until you get to a town and prepare for the townspeople who, frankly, are probably even more annoying.
Jun 2, 2010
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