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The Medallion

Once upon a time, Jackie Chan was a superhuman stuntman who pulled off the most wince-worthy physical feats without a safety net. Now older, wiser and battered beyond belief, he's decided to stop putting his noggin in danger, ditching the real-life stunts for some pixel-enhanced action antics. Unfortunately, that means The Medallion is about as exciting as watching a Zimmerframe race at an old people's home.

Reworking the basic plot of his equally dire spy movie The Tuxedo, Chan this time plays a Hong Kong cop who's turned into a medallion man (minus the hairy chest, flares and cheesy grin) after a Chinese boy blesses him with a magical amulet. Teaming up with two Interpol agents (Lee Evans and Claire Forlani) in Dublin, Chan goes on the trail of an international smuggler (Julian Sands, too bored to even bother hamming it up) who's snaffled the other half of the medallion.

It's clearly aimed at the young 'uns, but even the most undiscerning foetus will be kicking in protest at its shoddy CGI, lame gags and complete and utter pointlessness. Don't soil your past glories, Jackie - just retire your knackered old body to a life of deep-heat massages and gentle swims. You've definitely earned it.

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