Jurassic: The Hunted
Easy Achievement total: 875 points
Time necessary: Six hours
This title is the gaming equivalent of a B-movie if ever there was one. An FPS released within a week of Modern Warfare 2, it stars one of the stupidest mercenaries alive, whose team crashes in the Bermuda Triangle while looking for a scientist who’s been lost for decades. The twist is that the island they land on is infested with dinosaurs, as they seem to have gone back in time. Perhaps never hearing of the Butterfly Effect, the star kills literally hundreds of soon-to-be fossils using the many conveniently located weapons just lying around the island. Filled with plot holes and terrible dialogue, this upscaled Wii game isn't worth the $40 it retails for.
Above: More like JurASSic, right? Right?
On the plus side, it may be bad, but it comes in such small portions. It takes about four hours to reach the game's ludicrous ending, and perhaps another three to beat it on hard. Thanks to the many unimaginative "kill x amount of y"-based Achievements, you'll be at least 800 points richer in one lazy Sunday of play. Plus it’s at least meant for grown-ups, which is more than we can say for the next entries.
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Easy Achievement total: 1000 points
Time necessary: Four hours
It was a bittersweet moment, to be sure, when the Hannah Montana film came out. Sure, we got to see the teen diva hit the big screen and sing her chart-topping hits, but it was also basically the end of Hannah, as Miley Cyrus in real life has left her other identity behind. :-((( Thankfully, we can spend one more go-round with her in the game based on the film, with Hannah's final gift to us: incredibly easy Achievements/Trophies.
Above: We spared you the game's hideous graphics
Seriously though, this is as low as you can go for these rewards, at least for multi-platform games. Most Achievement lovers won't approach this, as the points are traded for dignity, because the game will be forever attached to your profile. If you can deal with that, then get ready for a short but horrible trip through Hannah's life, hitting the insanely easy goals for dancing, carnival games and fashion in under five hours.
Backyard Football ‘10
Easy Achievement total: 1000 points
Time necessary: 20 minutes
One of the very few non-EA-published NFL games in the last decade, this game is for children. There’s no way around this fact. When you play this release, you are basically saying to the world, “I am a child, treat me as such.” There is no reason for anyone over the age of six to play this game, barring the most obvious reason of all…
Above: Make kids tackle each other for big points!
Though PS3 owners are out of luck when it comes to this game, 360 Achievement whores are lucky(?) to have it, as it’s probably the fastest 1,000 points this side of Avatar: The Burning Earth. In less than twenty minutes and without even finishing a whole game, you will get every Achievement with astoundingly little effort. The only hard part is looking yourself in the mirror afterwards.
After playing these for the score, your self-respect should be at an all-time low. And once your friends see that Hannah Montana on your profile, say goodbye to their respect for you as well. So for those looking at a shot at redemption, earn some gamer cred back with these respectable 2009 releases that just happen to have relatively easy points/Trophies.
WWE SmackDown vs Raw 2010
Easy Achievement total: 950 points
Time necessary: 16 Hours
Above: One of the many awards for trying a new feature
For wrestling fans, it doesn’t get better than this, THQ’s best SmackDown ever. And for the dedicated player, the points/Trophies come fast. Not only can you get about 100 points just for barely touching this year’s new features, but the rest mostly come from finishing storylines and beating career modes. Only the virtually undoable training-checklist-related goal is a pain, but we’re cool with skipping it if you are.
X-Men: Origins Wolverine
Easy Achievement total: 850 points
Time necessary: Ten hours
Above: An in-joke Achievement for finding the hatch from Lost
Heated debates still rage in the GR offices over the Wolverine film’s quality (the truth: most agree it’s unwatchable, while others feel it sucked less than they thought it would), but this insanely violent movie tie-in was at least eight times better. Achievements and Trophies are pretty easy here too, as during a normal playthrough you’ll get many of the kill-count-related ones to go along with the story rewards. Plus, it has what should be a must for all games: a tracker in the pause menu showing your progress toward each goal.
Assassin’s Creed II
Easy Achievement total: 925 points
Time necessary: 15 hours
Above: You get the above Achievement for being a baby for 20 seconds
One of the best games of 2009, Assassin’s Creed 2 took all the great ideas of the original, smoothed them out and improved on them exponentially. Again, more than two-thirds of the awards can be earned by the game's end with minimal effort by most average players, and very few involve collecting doo-dads. Our only complaint is that this game has zero secret Achievements/Trophies, which is annoying when casually checking the descriptions and finding big spoilers therein. What the hell, Ubisoft?
Jan 20, 2010
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