The coat of a 1000 pockets...

Real-time clothing changes

Courtesy of the Gender Stereotyping Department: "Save yourself hours of time (and the pain of breaking up with irritable boyfriends) with this technique enabling instantaneous switches of style with no wrinkling, laddering or other potential quick-dressing dramas. A helpful hovering menu provides options for outerwear, which when selected immediately springs into being upon the person, seamlessly replacing any similar layer of clothing."

Actually we can't imagine anyone not benefiting from this form of chop-changing clothing, apart from hardcore PC gamers and videogame journalists, who as a rule never change anyway.

No toilet/eating/sleeping time

Life would be immeasurably better if we didn't have to service our stupid fleshy bodies all the time. Actually, no, that's wrong. Life would be exactly two times better, since we must spend half our time on this earth visiting the porcelain throne, stuffing our faces or lying prone with our eyes screwed shut and our heads pressed into the pillow. And we have to sleep too! Boom boom, etc.

With no basic human maintenance to worry about, we could venture into the wilderness with nothing but a camera and a thirst for adventure. Or spend all day and night playing videogames. Or finally sit down and watch, uninterrupted, the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Now that's using your time productively.

Ben Richardson is a former Staff Writer for Official PlayStation 2 magazine and a former Content Editor of GamesRadar+. In the years since Ben left GR, he has worked as a columnist, communications officer, charity coach, and podcast host – but we still look back to his news stories from time to time, they are a window into a different era of video games.