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The cheesiest videogame songs EVER

Standout lyric: “Fugitizin’ capturizin’”

Everyone has a unique opinion on the “War on Terror.” One thing we can all agree on, however, is that Fugitive Hunter is one of the highest prices gamers have had to pay because of this war with no conceivable beginning or end. As long as fear mongering and mindless flag waving exist, there’ll always be someone ready to make a game about kneeing Osama Bin Laden in the nuts.

Oh and there’s this shitty song that pronounces the game “Fuuugitive Hunnnnaaaaa”

Freestylin’:  Black Ops Entertainment was so enamored with its creation that it included several “Bonus!” videos on the disc. Two of them are freestyle rapper Mr. Re going to town with the game’s music. Here’s one. But only one.

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Fugitive Hunter.”





Standout lyric: “DAYAAAAAAAAAAM!”

We sure would have liked to hear more Schwarzenegger-esque quips from Augustus Cole, aka “The Cole Train.” Well, that’s what we were thinking until he let loose with an entire ‘90s-style rap comprised of nothing but said quips. As funny as “this my kinda shit!” is the first time, hearing it 10 consecutive times is far too much.

Still fun though, surprisingly catchy compared to stuff on this list.

Wrap it up: Totally unrelated to Gears but somewhat on topic, the DK Rap from Donkey Kong 64 is much worse but so common on list articles we chose to omit it. But what the hell, here it is anyway. Come on Cranky, take it to the fridge!

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “The Cole Train.”





Standout quote: “There would not be an enemy he could not put down with a gun.”

Probably never heard of this PSone-era gem, have you? Don’t worry, most of us missed it the first time around too. Thankfully one of our editors with a game library two titles shy of a “shit ton” recalled this ultra-obscure, hyper-cheesy opera about a Western man in an Eastern world.

And that man that nobody knew grew up to be... Rising Zan, subject of perhaps the most enthusiastic song about a game five people played.

Incredibly unknown: Need a game that pays homage to America’s Funniest Home Videos, both visually and aurally? Check out Incredible Crisis’ bouncy tune that, despite having few lyrics, manages to out-cheese many of the other songs on this list. It’s just too damn happy!

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Rising Zan.”





Standout lyric: “Love can come through an open door.”

Hey kids, remember NiGHTS? It’s one of the few franchises that’s been allowed to ungracefully die twice! Maybe they should’ve left out the cheddary intro tune that reminds us of a B-side Backstreet Boys song off the first album that was okay but not nearly as good as Millennium.

Uh, if we ever listened to Backstreet Boys.

Slippery slope: Aw heck, as cheesy as NiGHTS is, we can’t help but love the guy/gal anyway. It’s a fun shame song. Same goes for any song from Sonic CD. Here’s the ending video and accompanying tune from the GameCube version. So many memories...

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Dreams Dreams.”





Standout lyric: bljbsdgljdgdgkjbdg

Awful. Just awful.

Take you for a ride: To aid your recovery from the incesto-porn that surely follows the brother/sister conversation in the above video, sooth your ears with this gratingly catchy tune from Marvel vs. Capcom 2:

And don’t forget about the next page with all its cheesy lyrics...

Sep 23, 2008



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69 comments

  • Glides - August 12, 2009 8:22 p.m.

    OH MY GOD I LOVE DK 64, that rap song was like the funniest thing ever. And the "Cole Train" one was hilarious too. Those two songs is EXACTLY why i like video games.
  • lukel127 - August 13, 2009 3:55 a.m.

    STFU Dameon Angell You know that City Escape is the best videogame song EVER and that Sonic Adventure 2 Battle is the best sonic game ever. Now good day sir!
  • Tomsta666 - August 13, 2009 12:17 p.m.

    I must be the only person in exsistence who enjoys the MvC2 character select jingle :)
  • dreamgor - August 16, 2009 8:42 a.m.

    what is so bad about these songs i think they're good (no irony included) recaptcha: Pristeen's lusk err... WHUT!
  • reyalejandro13 - March 7, 2009 6:57 p.m.

    i prefer the Brawl remix of Sonic Boom.
  • Glides - August 12, 2009 8:22 p.m.

    And I also like Snake Eater, but not the one with that guy singing it.
  • FETALJUICE - August 13, 2009 12:12 a.m.

    Hilarious article! Who doesn't love cheesy songs? I know I do.
  • Hellwilder - August 14, 2009 12:54 a.m.

    RISING ZAAAAN! YEAAAAAAAAH
  • AuthorityFigure - August 25, 2009 9:16 a.m.

    Sonic & the Secret Rings is totally cheese-infused Edam in a mozzarella bath.
  • mr_brightside - September 23, 2008 8:13 p.m.

    lol first, good job guys
  • GamesRadarBrettElston - September 23, 2008 8:29 p.m.

    I'll mention this on the podcast too, but real quick, the Clay Fighter song doesn't sound quite that awful on the SNES cart. Something happened with the recording. It's still cheesy as hell though, and I simply had to have it on here.
  • bl00dyvalen7ine - September 23, 2008 9:01 p.m.

    Awesomely bad
  • bl00dyvalen7ine - September 23, 2008 9:15 p.m.

    Incredible Crisis reminded me of the theme from Kablam
  • skyguy343 - September 23, 2008 9:18 p.m.

    has anybody ever heard the fan-made Mega Man theme song?
  • skyguy343 - September 23, 2008 9:27 p.m.

    sucks that Rare is with Microsoft cuz now theres no possibility of a GOOD Donkey 64 remake
  • Holy Diver - September 23, 2008 10 p.m.

    The song played during the first mission of Sonic Adventure 2 was cheesy too
  • Hunter2458 - September 23, 2008 11:04 p.m.

    Totally Ignored The GOD ARM Theme T_T
  • Tochy - September 23, 2008 11:23 p.m.

    my ears! *head explodes*
  • cd41 - September 24, 2008 12:05 a.m.

    ... I think i just developed a brain tumor from listening to the clay fighters song...
  • Johnny6Gun - September 24, 2008 1:55 a.m.

    Great feature! You only missed Russian Roulette from Onimusha 2.

Showing 1-20 of 69 comments

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