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The cheesiest videogame songs EVER

Standout lyric: “Valiant ‘gainst the power, evil forces take heed!”

Anime fans are willing to put up with a lot when it comes to cheesed-out intro themes. Even by our standards though, Lunar lays it on pretty damn thick. The lyrics are super serious, almost out of a ‘60s comic book scribed by Stan “The Man” Lee himself. It has a distinct call-to-arms feel, much more urgent than the stiff animation would have you believe.

Silver Star Story: Silver Star Story Complete vastly improved the intro’s animation, though the song was altered to a far blander ballad. Instead of an up-tempo battle theme, Complete gave us a ditty filled with “let’s go team!” charm:

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Fighting Through the Darkness.”





Standout lyric: “I saw your face, I felt our souls embrace”

The successful pairing of longtime scribe Roberta Williams and future Gabriel Knight author Jane Jensen unleashed what many consider to be the finest achievement of all adventure games. King’s Quest VI is known for many things; exceptional storytelling, competent voice acting, even quality 3D visuals in a time when such a thing was unheard of.

Too bad the theme song is a maniacally torturous piece of Top 40 flotsam. Someone had the good grace to at least set it to clips from the aforementioned Silver Star Story, making it a dual-layered cheesy calzone from hell:

Show stopper: Like we said, KQVI is something of a crown jewel for adventure titles. Strange then, that it also marked the end of the traditional King’s Quest setup; part seven was Disney’d out the ass and eight “sold out” to action, swordplay and chuggy polygons. Cringe in scoffed awe at seven’s Disney knockoff intro:

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Girl in the Tower.”





Standout lyric: “Shoot the flying monkey, sink that funky li’l battleship... good God!”

Freaky Flyers is the worst game on this list, period. Every single piece of audio that slithers out of the speakers is an affront to humanity, from a grating announcer to background music Lucifer himself would not have dared create.

The worst of the worst is “Operation Midway,” a song that’s best described as “Village People cover band that was killed and then re-animated as zombies that can only approximate music instead of actually creating it.”

Effing eff: The title screen narrowly lost the Worst Ever honor to “Operation Midway.” That does not mean it is any less dangerous – the lyrics would make the toes of every jingle writer on the planet curl, the singer is out of tune and there are so many synonyms for “insane” we’re confident the writer just whipped out a thesaurus and called it a song. Whacky freaky loony!

Head to the last page for cheesy lyrics to “Operation Midway.”

69 comments

  • Glides - August 12, 2009 8:22 p.m.

    OH MY GOD I LOVE DK 64, that rap song was like the funniest thing ever. And the "Cole Train" one was hilarious too. Those two songs is EXACTLY why i like video games.
  • lukel127 - August 13, 2009 3:55 a.m.

    STFU Dameon Angell You know that City Escape is the best videogame song EVER and that Sonic Adventure 2 Battle is the best sonic game ever. Now good day sir!
  • Tomsta666 - August 13, 2009 12:17 p.m.

    I must be the only person in exsistence who enjoys the MvC2 character select jingle :)
  • dreamgor - August 16, 2009 8:42 a.m.

    what is so bad about these songs i think they're good (no irony included) recaptcha: Pristeen's lusk err... WHUT!
  • reyalejandro13 - March 7, 2009 6:57 p.m.

    i prefer the Brawl remix of Sonic Boom.
  • Glides - August 12, 2009 8:22 p.m.

    And I also like Snake Eater, but not the one with that guy singing it.
  • FETALJUICE - August 13, 2009 12:12 a.m.

    Hilarious article! Who doesn't love cheesy songs? I know I do.
  • Hellwilder - August 14, 2009 12:54 a.m.

    RISING ZAAAAN! YEAAAAAAAAH
  • AuthorityFigure - August 25, 2009 9:16 a.m.

    Sonic & the Secret Rings is totally cheese-infused Edam in a mozzarella bath.
  • mr_brightside - September 23, 2008 8:13 p.m.

    lol first, good job guys
  • GamesRadarBrettElston - September 23, 2008 8:29 p.m.

    I'll mention this on the podcast too, but real quick, the Clay Fighter song doesn't sound quite that awful on the SNES cart. Something happened with the recording. It's still cheesy as hell though, and I simply had to have it on here.
  • bl00dyvalen7ine - September 23, 2008 9:01 p.m.

    Awesomely bad
  • bl00dyvalen7ine - September 23, 2008 9:15 p.m.

    Incredible Crisis reminded me of the theme from Kablam
  • skyguy343 - September 23, 2008 9:18 p.m.

    has anybody ever heard the fan-made Mega Man theme song?
  • skyguy343 - September 23, 2008 9:27 p.m.

    sucks that Rare is with Microsoft cuz now theres no possibility of a GOOD Donkey 64 remake
  • Holy Diver - September 23, 2008 10 p.m.

    The song played during the first mission of Sonic Adventure 2 was cheesy too
  • Hunter2458 - September 23, 2008 11:04 p.m.

    Totally Ignored The GOD ARM Theme T_T
  • Tochy - September 23, 2008 11:23 p.m.

    my ears! *head explodes*
  • cd41 - September 24, 2008 12:05 a.m.

    ... I think i just developed a brain tumor from listening to the clay fighters song...
  • Johnny6Gun - September 24, 2008 1:55 a.m.

    Great feature! You only missed Russian Roulette from Onimusha 2.

Showing 1-20 of 69 comments

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