The cheesiest videogame songs EVER

Pop ballads, hair metal and other ear-ripping tunes so bad you can’t stop listening

Standout lyric: “Valiant ‘gainst the power, evil forces take heed!”

Anime fans are willing to put up with a lot when it comes to cheesed-out intro themes. Even by our standards though, Lunar lays it on pretty damn thick. The lyrics are super serious, almost out of a ‘60s comic book scribed by Stan “The Man” Lee himself. It has a distinct call-to-arms feel, much more urgent than the stiff animation would have you believe.

Silver Star Story: Silver Star Story Complete vastly improved the intro’s animation, though the song was altered to a far blander ballad. Instead of an up-tempo battle theme, Complete gave us a ditty filled with “let’s go team!” charm:

Head to thelast pagefor cheesy lyrics to “Fighting Through the Darkness.”


Standout lyric: “I saw your face, I felt our souls embrace”

The successful pairing of longtime scribe Roberta Williams and future Gabriel Knight author Jane Jensen unleashed what many consider to be the finest achievement of all adventure games. King’s Quest VI is known for many things; exceptional storytelling, competent voice acting, even quality 3D visuals in a time when such a thing was unheard of.

Too bad the theme song is a maniacally torturous piece of Top 40 flotsam. Someone had the good grace to at least set it to clips from the aforementioned Silver Star Story, making it a dual-layered cheesy calzone from hell:

Show stopper: Like we said, KQVI is something of a crown jewel for adventure titles. Strange then, that it also marked the end of the traditional King’s Quest setup; part seven was Disney’d out the ass and eight “sold out” to action, swordplay and chuggy polygons. Cringe in scoffed awe at seven’s Disney knockoff intro:

Head to thelast pagefor cheesy lyrics to “Girl in the Tower.”


Standout lyric: “Shoot the flying monkey, sink that funky li’l battleship... good God!”

Freaky Flyers is the worst game on this list, period. Every single piece of audio that slithers out of the speakers is an affront to humanity, from a grating announcer to background music Lucifer himself would not have dared create.

The worst of the worst is “Operation Midway,” a song that’s best described as “Village People cover band that was killed and then re-animated as zombies that can only approximate music instead of actually creating it.”

Effing eff: The title screen narrowly lost the Worst Ever honor to “Operation Midway.” That does not mean it is any less dangerous – the lyrics would make the toes of every jingle writer on the planet curl, the singer is out of tune and there are so many synonyms for “insane” we’re confident the writer just whipped out a thesaurus and called it a song. Whacky freaky loony!

Head to thelast pagefor cheesy lyrics to “Operation Midway.”

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