The Anti-Awards 2009

Being the recipient of the Mom’s Best Game of the Year is almost reason enough for Anti-Award top status. After all, a disappointing Tony Hawk game is nothing special, but Ride is emblematic of a larger problem currently clogging retail shelves with high-priced shovelware.

Ever wonder why there are so many standalone Guitar Hero games? Because they cost dick to develop! Activision’s basically splitting the cost of R&D between digital development and manufacturing a mountain of proprietary plastic, and that just doesn’t fly in the case of Tony Hawk… especially when you try to pass that cost off to consumers in the form of a shoddy, $120 bundle of failed interactivity.

The board itself is impressively sturdy. Clearly, a lot of time and care went into its creation (Seriously, we play with it all the time around the office without ever firing up a console.) But as a controller… it’s shit. Furthermore, reviewers were so confounded with the act of piloting the Contrabulous Flabtraption the game itself got away with being buggy, visually underwhelming, lacking in features, and a giant leap backwards for the franchise it set forth to resurrect. With all the responsiveness and functionality of a $4.99 iPhone game, you were given the option to play the game with a standard controller, something no gamer born after Wii Fit would ever do.

Runner-up – Rogue Warrior

What a long, weird tale this is. First revealed in 2006 in a desert just outside Las Vegas, Rogue Warrior was pitched as Bethesda’s powerful entry into the FPS market. With Fallout 3 still to come and Oblivion raking in the cash, it was easy to assume the company would have another massive hit on its hands. Throw in a potentially revolutionary multiplayer mode that randomizes the layout each match, along with real-life supersoldier Dick Marcinko as the basis for the story and as an expert advisor, and surely we’ll be giving this a 9 or 10 by fall 2007.

Above: OH SHI- 

Except Rogue Warrior completely, utterly disappeared. For three years. It switched developers (from Zombie to Rebellion), surfaced suddenly in mid 2009 with little fanfare, then quietly released in the shadow of Modern Warfare 2 and at least three other quality shooters. The result? A cartoonishly gritty, generic as hell FPS that’s choking to death on a 30/100 Metacritic average (25/100 on PC). Did we mention they somehow got Mickey “Nominated for Best Actor in 2008” Rourke to voice Marcinko? And this wasn’t promoted?

Above: We literally can’t quote one line from this. Rourke’s a-cussin’!

What began as a grand, ambitious project became a Z-grade FPS crapped out because everyone was tired of dealing with it. Instead of either canning it or actually sticking to their lofty goals, they called it quits and released this total wreck in the hopes that at least 10,000 people would confuse it with a good game.

Jan 6, 2010

The 2009 Platinum Chalice Awards
The best games of last year, as chosen by the infallible geniuses at GamesRadar

The 2008 Anti-Awards
The worst games, trends and people from an otherwise groundbreaking year

Top 7… Tasteful game heroines
Videogame girls treated with dignity and respect? What an idea


  • Oddeh7 - May 27, 2010 7:26 p.m.

    "It’s an awful game guys, every major reviewer has given it a poor score, don’t buy it, trust me on this. – 5.0/10 – 2/5 Your kids will be immensely disappointed. 6.1 Cat says: 12/17/2009 at 5:54 PM Well, I have to respectfully disagree with you and the other reviewers. As you can see from the video, my son (who is 8 by the way) absolutely loves the game. He’s not an adult, serious gamer, but a child that enjoys the ability to skateboard in our home in a safe environment. From a parental perspective, I enjoy it as much as he does. There’s no violence and he’s getting physical activity. 6.2 Alakazam says: 12/17/2009 at 6:06 PM I suppose children ARE easily amused,,,,, 6.3 Cat says: 12/17/2009 at 6:08 PM Yes sir, they are." I actually found this on the site's review for this. LOL. Also, who scores games by just saying if you should buy it? reCaptcha: penwell would Yes he would. (soz for long post)
  • ActiveCancer - March 26, 2010 4:29 a.m.

    That seslers rant was hilarious "do you F*** your mother" i haven't got a ps3 and if i were to get one and a game i would look at killzone
  • theres1dentevil - February 13, 2010 6:13 p.m.

    sessler had me in stitches, he had a right to be pissed off.loved the inventive put downs when having a go at the nobs who wrote to him. brilliant.
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  • TheHolyHandGrenade - January 18, 2010 9:22 p.m.

    I dont know whats worse. The Great Killzone debate or the MAG Argument. seriously, on every single youtube video of MAG theres sombody who says the games crap and somone how compares it to COD6 and somone who says both games suck. Its starting to annoy the hell out of me
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  • WrathLord03 - January 12, 2010 9:52 a.m.

    I honestly think the Eye of Indra Comic Book Series by Naughty Dog should be mentioned in the Shameless Grab for Cash. I mean, they release the first and second comic one week and then the third and last one the next. The first one is free, and the other three are $1.75 AUD each. Then, one week later, they introduce a pack that allows you to buy all four comics along with TWO exdclusive multiplayer skins for $4.25AUD! Shameless!
  • country1st - January 12, 2010 3:57 a.m.

    if you have to glitch to win a game or get kills your a pussy and have no life. which means you must search the internet to find them too, that's fukin sad!! :(
  • country1st - January 12, 2010 3:50 a.m.

    ok for starters i own a 360 but killzone 2 looks bad ass. hell i want it my brother does and says its bad ass so people need to get over their bias bullshit. for all i care do all reviews for games on just ps3 or 360 unless there is an exclusive. their both fine systems and they both may have their drawbacks.Bias my ass.
  • venomman01 - January 10, 2010 10:02 p.m.

    I hate MW2 so fucking much reCAPTCH:medicine flushed
  • marioman50 - January 10, 2010 8:36 p.m.

    Oh god, the only thing I ever saw Rourke in was Sin city. Now I can totally picture Marv singing on stage at a jazz club, lol.
  • holiday7291 - January 9, 2010 6:31 p.m.

    hahaha, great killzone 2 video. couldnt stop laughing. and that guy is an idoit
  • AndyGiff93 - January 8, 2010 5:26 p.m.

    The Adam Sessler thing is brilliant, but he's right, the whole fanboy thing really became ridiculous around Killzone 2. Good article though, probably even more entertaining than the actual awards... lol
  • speno93 - January 8, 2010 3:18 p.m.

    Finally i was waiting for someone to confirm my 2 year sequel release suspicions and i was right!. Good article by the way.
  • reaperman22 - January 8, 2010 6:20 a.m.

    lol in that killzone vid the guy spelled stupid wrong, i love irony
  • inconceivable - January 8, 2010 6:19 a.m.

    The Wife Arm is never going to not be funny. I was just thinking that if his arm is his wife's essence, what does that make masturbation? (Please note: I'm a little bit drunk, but that does not affect the rest of my comment). Anyways, hilarious article. I was LOLing often, which led to me trying to explain to my mom what was so funny about the Anti-Awards. That didn't really work out.
  • ghostx101 - January 8, 2010 3:39 a.m.

    hahahahah on the video for killzone the guy, cliptag, said, "call me stuped" haha he spelled stupid wrong
  • FETALJUICE - January 8, 2010 1:55 a.m.

    Ha! Even before the whole awarding giving began, I just KNEW what game would be the worst of 2009, JUST by looking at the award icon. lol Anyways, IMO all of these awards were dead on. Great article GR!
  • Samael - January 8, 2010 12:59 a.m.

    @crumbdunky Dude, no offense, but if you need to rant that much, start a blog. Please stop clogging the comments. Great list, both funny & depressing.

Showing 1-20 of 69 comments

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