There’s just one problem: you have to chase them through an active aquatic minefield that Amity never bothered to clear.
While the rest of the entries on this list are standouts because they’re funny or entertaining, Taste of Blood is easily the most frustrating stage in the entire game. This is because all of those tightly grouped mines are on a hair trigger, and the ONLY way to get past them alive is to figure out which ones won’t trigger a chain reaction, and then knock them out by spitting barrels at them.
Again, how a shark would know which mines to defuse is anyone’s guess, but regardless, this is what happens if you accidentally trigger any of the others. And you will, over and over again:
On the other hand, this makes tracking the divers through the second half of the stage – a ship graveyard filled with rusting hulks and ancient wrecks – an absolute joy. Because after the hell those bastards just put you through, you’re guaranteed to relish tearing them to pieces.
Owned by the Enviroplus corporation, the station is a nightmare of dark tunnels and gloomy hazards that seems to serve no real purpose other than to satisfy developer Appaloosa’s weird fetish for huge, crushing machinery. Supporting this idea are the tubes running along the perimeter of the station, which look like tunnel entrances…
… but which actually turn out to be intake tubes for giant rock-grinders that will suck you straight up into their rollers.
Once you’re inside, the actual facility is little more than an extensive network of huge, hazardous, shark-infested tunnels through which Enviroplus employees – outfitted in little more than scuba gear – slowly swim, all but defenseless in the murky dark. Apparently Enviroplus thinks as little of OSHA regulations as Amity’s swimmers and boaters do of getting away from the giant shark that just poked its head up next to them.
Luckily, there are signs to help you get where you need to go.
And when you get there, you’ll be asked to dismantle complicated industrial equipment – which, by this point, should not surprise you in the least.
Once you’ve miraculously navigated the tunnels and turned off the grinders, you’ll be able to squeeze your way into the facility’s main structure. And no sooner are you inside than a colossal squid boss shows up out of goddamn nowhere! Hey, why not?
Oh, and once that thing’s dead, Shaw, the Enviroplus CEO, shows up to challenge you to a duel for killing his son and wrecking his business. And by “duel” he means “swim away from you for as long as possible using that bomb-looking thing to move really fast.”
He dies, of course. Good planning there on his part.
Of course, you’re the villain in this story, so you’ll repay his dedication and constant intervention on your behalf the way villains so often do: by murdering him in as public and humiliating a fashion as possible. That’s why, when Amity’s Fourth of July beach celebrations go forward as planned, you’ll eventually seek him out for a big fat kill.
First, though, you’ll have to soften Amity up by publicly devouring a few swimmers…
…wrecking personal watercraft…
… and sinking two giant Coast Guard ships, just because they’re in your way.
Once that’s done, it’s finally time to repay the mayor for his kindness. In the creepiest way possible.
The thing is, it’s not enough to just sink his tiny “yacht” the way you would any other boat, because the mayor pilots the only damn-near invincible boat in the game. Instead, you’ll have to memorize his driving patterns – again, like a shark would – and bash him into the side of a fireworks barge when he gets close enough.
This gives way to what would have been a beautiful finale for the game, if they’d have just let it end with the shark winning and Amity becoming an isolated ghost town. But no, they had to stretch it out with a frustrating Orca II showdown and lame ending.
Above: At least we’ll always have this
Aug 6, 2009
Opposing opinion: Shark Week sucks
Words of warning about the Big Shark Lobby and its unnatural influence on the entertainment industry