Only he doesn't seem too fond of the standard token archetypal black-dude-in-a-hat four-syllable sweary-word.
"You motivators is crazy, look at that big motivator!" Etc.
It's like action-movie freestyle rap. For eight-year-olds.
"English, little sucker! Do you speak it?"
Burger-munching small-timer Brett is about to be offed by hungry gangster Jules.
After an early success of composure based on his knowledge of the metric system, Brett wavers, angering Jules with repetition of the word 'what'.
Before taking righteous revenge on behalf of his boss, Jules unleashes a not-so potty-mouthed onslaught of kiddy cussing.
Also, fast-forward to 8:20, for an extra-painful version of the already-horrible Tarantino cameo...
"You can have two words... 'joke' and 'you'!"
William Sadler's badass colonel/evil man is doorstepped by a reporter after terrorists hijack a plane with a terrorist-killing cop's wife on-board (next time, double-check the passenger roster!)
"Colonel Stewart!", cries the hack. "Can we have a few words, please?"
With rapier, clunkily clipped wit, he suggests 'joke' and 'you'.
If we were TV censoring people, we'd have gone for the purity of 'no' and 'comment'. Clean, equally arch, but not so unnecessarily
"You are gonna be a bad mother-crusher!"
Miguel Ferrer's TV-friendly exhortation to the reborn cyborg rozzer is funny enough (check out the bloke-off-the-street voice and amateur ventriloquist lip-sync).
But it's the bathroom conversation between Ferrer and Ronny Cox's displaced exec that draws the finest unintentional comedy
"We used to call the old man funny names: 'iron butt', 'bumbler'... Once I even called him.." (Big pause, deeper voice). "...A LOT WORSE!"
"Where d'ya get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pineapple?"
One of the few TV-censored lines that accidentally makes more sense than the original. ("Where d'ya get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pussy?")
The careless eating of an unsegmented pineapple may well lead to facial laceration.
Clearly, that's simply not the case with the administering of oral pleasure onto (presumably) a Cuban lady.
Unless, of course, the Cuban lady was wearing some kind of evil, studded/rotating-bladed split-crotch Communist underwear.
"He told me to go stuff myself!"
So, this is
Robert De Niro
about a member of Pesci's crew saying really naughty words to him.
Apparently, the suggestion of auto-taxidermy is beyond the pale in mobster culture.
And so Pesci corners the offender and lets fly with the kind of My First Hairdryer treatment normally reserved for nursery-school playgrounds ("You called my friend a maggot? You told him to go stuff himself?")
(Line at 1:00).
"You freakin' fairy godmother's brother!"
Acting out a stick-up moment for an ID parade, our suspects step forward one by one, sniggering and over-hamming.
The laughter is justified. The censors clearly spent all of five seconds reworking the original line ("Gimme the fucking keys you fucking cocksucker motherfucker!") for the twitchy telly sponsors.
Isn't a fairy godmother's brother a fairy god-uncle?
"If you'd have moved your fat feet when I told you to, we wouldn't be hip-deep in snow!"
Why, that officious freakin' New Yoik cop who tries to stop hero John McClane saving the world - and his wife - from terrorists...
At first, John plays nice, trying to appeal to the drawling fool's ego. But soon enough, the pen-pushing and desk-jockeying draws out this vicious, TV-friendly tirade - delivered, it seems, by some guy the censor thinks sounds a bit like Bruce Willis.
"Enough is enough! I've had it..."
Villain-transporting cop Sam Jackson has done his best to protect the people on the plane from the snakes on the plane.
But then, roughly around 40 minutes after the audience, his patience pops...
Okay, maybe 'Monday-to-Friday' is at least descriptive of the plane's schedule, but 'monkeyfied'?
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