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The 15 stupidest game types Wii invented

Thanks to Wii, Lawn Darts are enjoying a bit of a renaissance after nearly two decades of banned sale in the US. Okay… maybe the activity technically killed a couple of kids, but courageous developers have finally defied the enemies of fun and released several versions of the latest murder simulator.


Above: Uh oh, the guy on the right looks like the first tragedy


Above: Wisk yourself away to exotic locales and pristine beaches… to throw sharp contraband short distances


Above: The other “24 Games” are more than likely things you haven’t seen before



Above: Neither stupid nor impractical

It’s debatable whether or not gaming is to blame for current obesity epidemic, but no one can point a fat finger at digital food. Get ready to burn as many calories as repeatedly scooping handfuls of Cheetos from Costco bag to face… fake culinary delights are a flick of the wrist away!


Above: Place open palm on flapjack griddle to save game
 

Above: See ladies, Mama’s looking out for you


Above: Yeah bitch, fire roast them pancakes!


Above: The new Mario


Slow down there, Slick McWilly! For over three decades games have been stereotyped as interactive experiences requiring skill and reflexes. Thank goodness we’re finally getting with the times. So, while a large portion of Wii games do focus on dragging fish from water while performing the Arsenio Hall cheer, others boldly let you relax and get your look on.


Above: A Blue Tang clan ain’t nothing to f*** with


Above: Our love is real but they are not


Above: All this AND Math?!


Plenty of peripherals have allowed you to control games with your legs. Unfortunately, it’s usually a snowboard, skateboard, or some other “game-like” purpose. Luckily, Wii Balance Board was designed expressly for leaning’s sake. No ollies, no powder carving - just pure old fashioned body slanting represented on screen.


Above: Strike a pose in this superior mirror


Above: Ultimatum Statute 4.2.1.1: The player must start in a PS2 launch game


Above: Downward Facing Doggystyle


Without a doubt, Bowling is the most popular thing Wii’s got going. However, in a very close second, you’ll find the ever-growing pastime of Not Bowling. Oh, Skee Ball and Bocce may look like bowling, employ the same control scheme, and involve “bowling” a ball, but the differences are many and vast.


Above: Did you know “Bocce” is Italian for “bowl”?

Fact: Bocce is slower than bowling... so there. And you don’t get tickets redeemable for slide whistles and paper hats from bowling, do ya stupid? It really is unfortunate not every game can be bowling, but at least that doesn’t stop developers from trying.


Above: Our grandma’s favorite screenshot


Above: Don’t let the name fool you. There’s almost no skill required


Above: Canadian Bowling


Above: We live in exciting times


Above: The green ones make you feel buyer’s remorse


Above: You’re fooling no one


Above: So good they made it again!

Apr 16, 2009


6 EXTREMEly overused game titles
The most ULTIMATE, SUPER cliches ever UNLEASHED

 

The Top 7... Most embarrassing live-action game scenes
Oh 1992, you were too pure for this world



Why it's hard being a girl gamer, explained by a dude
Finally setting the record straight on sexism

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100 comments

  • Oddeh7 - March 28, 2010 6:16 p.m.

    "A Blue Tang clan ain’t nothing to f*** with" They named fish after rap groups? wow... 100th!
  • Whit82114079 - November 10, 2009 5:10 p.m.

    "Any idiot with legs can cut a rug stomping on a Pee Pee Pad. Even a paraplegic can krunk with four buttons. But it takes a true Lord of the Dance to bust a move pointing their palms in up to four directions." and "Yeah Bitch, fire roast them pancakes!" Those 2 almost made me pee myself that how hard I was laughing :D LOL but good article :-) you've got countless points that truly make since ROTFL
  • Xplosive59 - November 6, 2009 9:56 p.m.

    where is crap shoveling?
  • Sandman89 - November 5, 2009 6:09 a.m.

    Please tell me the frying pan attachment was fake....please, or else i might just kill myself
  • Hellwilder - May 24, 2009 10:01 p.m.

    And that's why I hate nintendo and my Wii so much D:
  • Willy105 - April 24, 2009 7:39 p.m.

    Ha! I love those games.
  • AuthorityFigure - April 24, 2009 9:27 a.m.

    Rayman RR had rope-jumping too. I hated it.
  • TripleAD - April 23, 2009 10:07 a.m.

    I LOL'd at the food flippin' "peripherals"
  • Auron - April 22, 2009 10:21 p.m.

    LOL Hilarious screenshot comments. My girlfriend tried that doggy style, I was glad to be there.
  • justintime51 - April 22, 2009 5:51 p.m.

    THIS IS DISGUSTING
  • DrRock - April 21, 2009 10:28 p.m.

    I can't believe Chris actually sat through all these. He probably had an intern do all the work.
  • killemall - April 21, 2009 3:37 p.m.

    this article is not my fave, i agree with the subject but repeating what we already know when there are so many better things to do just seems like a massive waste of internet.
  • kctusincmprndd - April 21, 2009 12:28 a.m.

    what the hell were does people thinking when they made those games?
  • marioman50 - April 20, 2009 11:35 p.m.

    AT least the wii has renewed people's faith in the light gun genre. Now you don't have to buy extra accessories!... ..or do you?
  • Dr.Salvador - April 20, 2009 5:43 p.m.

    Nintendo, What the fuck happened? what happened to ground breaking titles like Zelda and Mario? yes, youre expanding the franchise but look at what youve done. theres no turning back now. your reputation is now that of a puplisher for faggots and pussys
  • crabbo - April 20, 2009 5:02 p.m.

    This is the reason i only own 2 (real games, wii sports, and link's crossbow training don't count.) for my wii. Actually i'm planning on buying RE4 for the wii next time i get paid. After playing through RE5 it made me want to re experience the fun i had with it, back when i had it on the PS2. But i digress. To be honest, i can't even get behind the concept of "motion controls" these days. Even games with good controls for the wii, are frustrating, because of how strenuous on my wrist and forearm to play them.
  • MacGyver1138 - April 20, 2009 4:49 p.m.

    Any article with a Monty Python reference is a good article by my standards. Also, thanks to recaptcha, I now know that "pshaws" is a word in the dictionary. Yes, really.
  • helloimgaydo - April 20, 2009 2:45 p.m.

    Gourdmaster... you legend.
  • Tomsta666 - April 20, 2009 12:46 p.m.

    To be fair a lot of this shit was started way before the Wii
  • deathrebellion - April 20, 2009 12:14 p.m.

    ohh god noo nooooooo.. my eyes, MY EYES!.... i though Wii wuz comin out of its crappyness with RE 0 and Madworld but i guess not.... >_< and btw Samus Aran who??

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