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The 10 worst Sonic friends

Blaze the Cat

Another one for the "unnecessary" pile, Blaze the Cat's inclusion in Sonic Rush really added nothing to the proceedings, save for yet another ham-fisted attempt at telling a low-grade JRPG story in a game that didn't need any narrative at all. Her one saving grace is that she's not excruciatingly annoying like Chip. This is only because she's perishingly boring, though. Dull, lifeless, completely without personality or charm, she is an utter non-entity. Even worse, Sega still persists with her every now and then. A waste of everybody's time.


Shadow the Hedgehog

A fairly obvious one, Shadow the Hedgehog is mainly a bastion of wasted potential as opposed to an inherently odious character. Quite ironic that his gimmick is "perfection" when everything he's ever done is in dire need of improvement. The "dark" version of a main character is an old gimmick, but one that works. Of course, with this being Sonic, it had to get screwed up, so he was given a bestial love story and a miserable "edgy" persona that comes off like a 12-year-old's idea of what "deep" means. He's become less and less of an effectual rival since he debut in Sonic Adventure 2, to the point where he's now a meaningless bit player as opposed to Sonic's ultimate rival.

We must, of course, pay special attention to Shadow's eponymous action game, in which he wielded guns and enjoyed some of the worst action platforming of the last generation, complete with busted mechanics, obnoxious pitfall deaths, uninspired shooting, and yet another demented storyline that nobody asked for. Shadow is the ultimate example of a good idea gone rotten.


Amy Rose

Total bitch.


Cream the Rabbit

Cream the Rabbit is an especially nettlesome proposition, as she represents perhaps everything that's wrong with Sonic the Hedgehog characters. Her very name is an example of the lazy, dimwitted creation of these furry freaks. Cream the Rabbit. I mean, seriously? Seriously!? The "random word combined with random animal" school of character naming has never been so clear and insultingly obvious. Cream... Cream the Rabbit. It's beyond pathetic.

It doesn't help that she looks like she has a mental disorder and has never done anything in the history of everything, aside from satiate someone's fetish for drawing underage woodland creatures in small dresses. Oh, and she carries around a little Chaos bastard called Cheese. How witty. Someone step on this rabbit's neck and discharge a shotgun into the back of her cranium, please.


Tails

Yes, you read that correctly. The final and most important entrant into this list of the top 10 worst Sonic friends is the one that started it all: Miles "Tails" Prower. You might find yourself confused at this entry, somehow deluding yourself into thinking Tails is "alright" because he was introduced during the golden years of Sonic's past. However, you are deluded. Tails is the worst Sonic friend ever because he started it all. The very first Sonic sequel, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, introduced the concept of the very first Sonic friend, Miles Prower. It was the beginning of a tradition that would end with roughly 500,000 Sonic friends spread across years of shovelware and shite.

Even if we discard the terrible chain of events that Tails' birth kick started, there's no escaping from the fact that he's always been a crap character. In Sonic 2, he was a complete hindrance, especially on the bonus stages where his "help" is almost guaranteed to cost Chaos Emeralds. In recent years, he's been given the voice of an emasculated Ash Ketchum (if Ash can get more emasculated than he already is) and all the narrative relevance of an empty box of Cookie Crisp.

For never being a good character, and acting as the progenitor of the entire Sonic friend phenomenon, Tails is hereby dubbed the worst Sonic friend of all time. Now and forever.

Jan 18, 2011

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60 comments

  • Cetorcka - July 16, 2013 9:27 p.m.

    Tails... seriously?? -___-
  • VideoGameFreak - June 26, 2013 5:48 p.m.

    Most of this isn't very accurate. Blaze, Amy, Shadow, Tails, Cream, and Charmy are very good characters.
  • quinton-bowman - March 8, 2013 11:32 p.m.

    I almost stopped reading when you posted a picture of shadow but then I stopped reading when you posted a picture of tails.. what a stupid list because you mention like 90% of the only friends he got...The only person you didnt mention that was a major character is Knuckles..
  • callum-m - December 2, 2012 9:04 a.m.

    Wow. Some of your reasons really make no sense. Chip for example. While I absolutely hate this little... thing, you can't claim he was irrelevant to the Unleashed plot, because he was a key (annoying) element to the story (if it can be called a story).
  • christy-wilson - October 23, 2012 4:22 p.m.

    To me this is just cruel thats all I am going to say.
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - January 23, 2011 11:22 p.m.

    "[Cream] has never done anything in the history of everything, aside from satiate someone's fetish for drawing underage woodland creatures in small dresses." Sonic Team knows it's target audience... And what's all this about Shadow being a good idea gone wrong? He's an evil clone of Sonic. That's not a good idea. That's a cliche thats been used almost as often as a WoW player looking like a human incarnation of Jabba the Hutt. Damn I'm on form today.
  • rockstarsean - January 21, 2011 11:57 p.m.

    "Dr Eggman" should be here. Robotnik 4 Life
  • IIIIIACEIIIII - January 21, 2011 8:05 p.m.

    Tails is Sonics bro4lyf, Knuckles is his friendly rival, Amy is his love interest, Robotnik is his enemy, Metal Sonic is his sinister rival. Throughout Sonic 1, 2, 3, Knuckles and CD, these characters added flavour and charm to Mobius (which remember, back then was a mysterious, fantastic planet/world similar and not America or wherever he lives now), and in terms of gameplay, Tails flying and Knuckles climbing added replayablity and variety to Sonic 3, Knuckles and Sonic 3 and Knuckles. Most of the characters on your list are every bit as stupid as you say as you say they are, but what you said about Tails was plain silly.
  • bitchassafriBLAMamericANTISTA - January 21, 2011 2:30 a.m.

    hahaha this article should just be called sonic's friends
  • KingQuestion - January 20, 2011 10:01 p.m.

    Meh, they keep making more because they are pandering to their fanbase of babies and furfags. This series is nothing but furry wankbait at this point.
  • SeaSalt - January 20, 2011 1:41 a.m.

    What the hell? :/ Sure, a few of those aren't the best of the bunch (sorry, Big), but you've pretty much rattled off the major players of the series, minus Knuckles and Sonic himself. Blaze is possibly the best female member of the cast, and as much of an annoyance Chip is throughout Unleashed, he takes several levels of badassery in the end. And c'mon, Tails at the #1 spot? Perhaps the funnest character to play as in Sonic 3?
  • kangaroocory - January 20, 2011 1:36 a.m.

    Am i the only one that doesn't hate Shadow the Hedgehog? It was a kinda cool concept. Take Sonic, add cool colors and guns, and bam! Shadow the Hedgehog. Sure the story sucked, buuuut it's sonic's evil version! With guns! Awesome from concentrate. And Silver isn't all that bad either. But not very good. And he's not Cream at least. Or Amy. *Shivers* What is she anyway?
  • BurntToShreds - January 19, 2011 10:20 p.m.

    Mario has friends, too! Yoshi, Toad, Peach, and Luigi were all there in the 80's and 90s, and Nintendo had the common sense to keep the friend count down to a decent size for his main series. Most of the characters in the Mario Spinoffs like Mario Golf, Tennis, etc. are enemies he faces in his main series. Sonic's original friends (Tails, Knuckles & Amy) were okay. Every hero needs a sidekick, and if Mario has a girlfriend, then Sonic is allowed to have a clingy stalker-like girlfriend. Knuckles was introduced as a villain in Sonic 3 (it seemed that way to me at least), and he took Tails' place in Sonic and Knuckles, including his own story to boot!
  • ultimatepunchrod - January 19, 2011 9:15 p.m.

    tails was alright.
  • thefreakysurgeon - January 19, 2011 8:40 p.m.

    So that means that Knuckles, Espio, and Vector are some of the best Sonic friends? i find Vector's voice to be horrendous, making him one of my least favorites.
  • AlpineGuy - January 19, 2011 6:10 p.m.

    Y'know what's a REAL challenge to put together? 'The 10 Best Sonic Friends.' If you can think of even just three, please let me know.
  • Ravenbom - January 19, 2011 6:10 p.m.

    Hmm, comment hiccup, so I have to post this again: Thank you Jim! Validation at last! I've been saying for years that Tails is the worst Sonic character ever!
  • IHateMakingUserIDs - January 19, 2011 6:01 p.m.

    Why would he laugh saying Iblis Trigger exactly? I'm not understand that part.
  • vincentdarkwood - January 19, 2011 5:44 p.m.

    so you mainly just want... sonic, and that's it?
  • Odpaterson - January 19, 2011 3:31 p.m.

    I really don't understand sega or the appeal of sonic. I'm not even sold on the idea that Sonic games were actually ever THAT good in the first place. Sega stumbled onto an original idea and made something decent from it which is now for some reason heralded as 'golden'. Honestly, Sega can't even make a decent game of any genre other than the 'running fast' one, and even that is done better by small groups of enthusiasts in sheds. Maybe Sega's just bad at making games?

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