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10. Grease 2 (1982)
If it had been any good, Grease 2 might have gone down in history as the first of a wave of musical sequels, not seen since the Broadway Melody series of the ’20s, ’30s and ’40s.
As it stands, it’ll simply be remembered as the film that makes you want to send Michelle Pfeiffer a lengthy condolence card.
9. Jaws 3-D (1983)
If George Lucas really is mulling over the idea of a 3D Star Wars, we’d suggest his mate Steven Spielberg release this monstrosity from the vaults and arrange a private screening.
Lucas would last about seven minutes before he ran away screaming. So in love with the faddy 3D technology that inspired it, Jaws 3-D forgets about plot, dialogue and characters to reach depths even Jaws: The Revenge couldn’t fathom.
8. Psycho II (1983)
Yes, Psycho II. Not so much a name as an oxymoron we still find hard to comprehend.
Even if you did finish watching Psycho saying, “I wonder what happens next, I hope they make a sequel in around 23 years time,” you would have been disappointed by this melodramatic mess.
Some people will try to tell you its surprisingly good. Don't listen to them. They hate you.
If you do watch it, we’d advise sticking your head to the ground. That whirring sound you can hear, that’s Hitch spinning in his grave.
7. Staying Alive (1983)
The film that taught Stallone how to ruin a franchise (he wrote and directed it), this Saturday Night Fever sequel turns Tony Manero from a disco king into a Broadway underdog.
It might have worked, if Stallone hadn’t also made him a womanising bastard. “What do you want to do?” asks one character. “Strut,” says Manero. “Shit,” we mutter.
6. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984)
‘Electric Boogaloo’ is shorthand for bad sequels. Of all the flicks on this list, it’s the only one you should watch – it’s a mesmerising mess.
If only we lived in the Boogaloo world, where breakdancing can cure the sick, pay bills and solve society’s ills. We’re doing the robot as we write. Help.
5. Rocky IV (1985)
Let’s get one thing straight: this isn’t a film, it’s a montage.
Still, if you were annoyed that you paid to watch 20-minute scenes of Stallone working out to songs by Survivor (punctuated by the odd bit of clumsy Reaganite propaganda), take comfort from the fact that Stallone insisted on boxing Dolph Lundgren for real, suffering a fistful of cracked ribs as a result.
We suspect Dolph saw some early rushes, and isn’t as dumb as he looks.
4. Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987)
Forget Batman & Robin as a franchise killer – it took Superman nearly 20 years to recover from this.
We’re all for political metaphors in popcorn movies, as long as they’re subtle.
Superman IV, however, just stops short of making Supes turn to camera one and scream, “LOOK! NUCLEAR WEAPONS ARE BAD, OKAY? THAT’S WHY I’M FIGHTING SOMEONE NAMED NUCLEAR MAN!"
3. Teen Wolf Too (1987)
Teen Wolf Too is as cynical as sequels come, tearing every iota of charm, wit and charisma from the throat of the original.
With the producer’s son in the lead (Jason Bateman), surrounded by unknowns who seem to have been hand-picked to make him look good, and a script that doesn’t so much talk as howl, this should have been put down before it assaulted our vision.
2. A Nightmare On Elm Street IV: The Dream Master (1988)
By this point in the series, Robert Englund was such a ham it wouldn’t surprise us if his make-up was just pork glued to his face.
According to legend, the effects sequences were filmed before a script was written, which is so plausible that we hope it’s true.
Bizarrely, this was the highest-grossing of the series until Freddy Versus Jason, which says more about the ’80s than the film’s quality.
1. The Karate Kid Part III (1989)
Finishing off the decade in ‘style’, The Karate Kid III epitomises what’s wrong with so many of the shitty sequels of the ’80s.
Leads that are way too old for their roles – Daniel’s (Ralph Macchio) whiny lack of self-confidence isn’t quite as appealing when he’s a grown man – and a plot that merely rehashes the original with diminishing charm.
Wax on, turn this off.
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