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The 10 worst game intros of all time

2. Link: The Faces of Evil
1993 | CD-I

The following intro comes from a Zelda game so abominably godawful, our Nintendo editor refuses to even acknowledge that it exists. Born from an unholy pact between Nintendo and Philips Electronics, Link: The Faces of Evil was one of four craptastic games featuring Nintendo characters to appear on the failed CD-I system (the other three being Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon, Zelda's Adventure and Hotel Mario).

As a game, Faces of Evil was nothing special - just another bland side-scroller with pretty graphics that moved sluggishly, thanks to the CD-I being awful. But because it was a CD-based game in 1993, Faces could only tell its story one way: full-motion video. And this wasn't just live action or crummy Saturday-morning-quality animation, either. No, this animation was the unsettlingly ghoulish work of a cut-rate Russian studio hired by the game's developer shortly after the fall of communism. Add in vocal performances by whatever radio hacks weren't busy that day, and you've got a recipe for horror.

Faces of Evil is filled with all kinds of weird animated interludes with badly drawn characters who creep us out with their squiggly lines, constant zoom-ins and little random movements, but it's the intro that really stands out. Vaguely inspired by the Zelda TV cartoon, the sequence features the ugliest Link we've ever seen, complaining about how bored he is while the King of Hyrule gulps liquid Triforce of Courage out of an oversized pimp cup. Then some creaky-voiced wizard shows up on a magic carpet to ask Link to fly away with him and, well, it's probably better if you just see it for yourself:

 

(Special thanks to Bryan Lajoie of Quebec Gamers for the video. For more terrifying screens and videos, be sure to check out his article on Faces of Evil. It's in French, but the movies aren't. You can also check out the other CD-I Nintendo ripoffs here.)

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44 comments

  • 13itch007 - February 16, 2011 5:30 a.m.

    Stop with all the advertisements!
  • Omgbbq - January 17, 2011 2:36 p.m.

    ALL YOUR GAMES RADAR BELONG TO ME!
  • MyriamD - January 6, 2011 4:12 a.m.

    I survived the morse code vid! Without even moving away.
  • humpiedumpie - October 13, 2010 7:47 p.m.

    The zelda one still makes me cry every time
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 12, 2010 11:31 p.m.

    Those Were TERRIBLE!
  • RafaTorres - February 18, 2010 11:45 a.m.

    Seriously, I just watched the last one and I havent got a clue what was going on coz it took that long. Eternal Sonata should be on here too coz it just went on aimlessly for about 15 minutes and it couldnt be skipped
  • kamikaz3e124 - September 17, 2009 9:22 p.m.

    Squalalah! Off we go! lolololol
  • AA95mp - September 7, 2009 12:46 p.m.

    i disagree with the zero wing entry it's one of the best in my opinion.
  • PivotPlurals1 - September 5, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    Now i know why so many Legend of Zelda: wand of Gamelon Youube poop videos are on youtube XD it deserves to be pooped. Re Captcha- Steamers Mcphails
  • Hellwilder - August 23, 2009 10:38 p.m.

    God, 4 minutes of bip-bip-bip-bup-bap-bip-bap-bup-bup-bap-bip-bip-bip-bup made my brain explode
  • dreamgor - August 18, 2009 8:56 a.m.

    hahaaha the beeps they're everywhere hahhahaha "twitch" the beeeeps!
  • 88Meters - April 24, 2009 1:02 a.m.

    ALL YOUR BASE R BELONG TO US
  • Darthballs - March 12, 2009 9:46 p.m.

    they just made link look gay
  • Amatarasu - February 13, 2009 9:38 p.m.

    ...i sat through #10......the beeps...THE BEEPS ARE IN MY HEAD!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!
  • reaperman22 - February 11, 2009 5:50 a.m.

    m ma man t th tha that w wa was b ba bad and link looked like he belonged on queer eye for the straight guy
  • TNT501 - February 1, 2009 5:13 p.m.

    I s a t t h r o u g h t h e l a s t o n e
  • TNT501 - February 1, 2009 4:59 p.m.

    LOL im going to use the zero wing one for my motto on XL
  • elric40012 - January 29, 2009 6 p.m.

    man I... I couldn't, it was too much... horrible!... HOOOORIBBLLEE!! My head seriously hurts after Ikari
  • DiamondGrip - January 28, 2009 5:20 a.m.

    all that came to mind during the Ikari intro was dot dash dash, dash, dot dot dash dot.
  • SirBonkers - January 27, 2009 8:28 p.m.

    Very funny stuff....well untel Ikaris that is. You did warn us though. I find it unfathomable that someone thought that was a good idea. WOW! Just plan terible!!!

Showing 1-20 of 44 comments

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