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The 10 worst game intros of all time

7. Every game to feature full-motion video ever
1989 - ??? | Sega CD, CD-I, PC, 3DO, PSone, Saturn, et al

We're holding up Sony's original, beloved PSone game Warhawk (1995) as a particularly bad example of live-action intros here, but every game ever to utilize full-motion video to tell its story is just as guilty. The costumes are always cheap, the lighting is depressing and the sets are generated either by obsolete computers, or by putting those computers inside a disused warehouse and filming them. But it's the acting that's the stuff of gutter legend, with flat line readings from community-theater dropouts who'd be booed off the set of a porn flick.

Warhawk is no exception. The commander looks more like a drama student than a battle-hardened officer, and she doesn't seem to be paying attention to what it is she's saying - only that she's saying it angrily. The technician she's harping at doesn't even care, because he's only got two lines and nobody's going to watch this anyway. Then pilots Hatch and Walker squeeze in through a tiny door to escape the harsh glare of a floodlight, only to stare blankly into space for a while as they wait for some guy wearing thick gloves to fiddle with equipment he fished out of a RadioShack dumpster in 1987.

We're not sure how "game" came to equal "crappy movie" in the minds of developers and publishers throughout the '90s - we just hope it never happens again.

44 comments

  • 13itch007 - February 16, 2011 5:30 a.m.

    Stop with all the advertisements!
  • Omgbbq - January 17, 2011 2:36 p.m.

    ALL YOUR GAMES RADAR BELONG TO ME!
  • MyriamD - January 6, 2011 4:12 a.m.

    I survived the morse code vid! Without even moving away.
  • humpiedumpie - October 13, 2010 7:47 p.m.

    The zelda one still makes me cry every time
  • Chaoscoolperson - October 12, 2010 11:31 p.m.

    Those Were TERRIBLE!
  • RafaTorres - February 18, 2010 11:45 a.m.

    Seriously, I just watched the last one and I havent got a clue what was going on coz it took that long. Eternal Sonata should be on here too coz it just went on aimlessly for about 15 minutes and it couldnt be skipped
  • kamikaz3e124 - September 17, 2009 9:22 p.m.

    Squalalah! Off we go! lolololol
  • AA95mp - September 7, 2009 12:46 p.m.

    i disagree with the zero wing entry it's one of the best in my opinion.
  • PivotPlurals1 - September 5, 2009 11:17 p.m.

    Now i know why so many Legend of Zelda: wand of Gamelon Youube poop videos are on youtube XD it deserves to be pooped. Re Captcha- Steamers Mcphails
  • Hellwilder - August 23, 2009 10:38 p.m.

    God, 4 minutes of bip-bip-bip-bup-bap-bip-bap-bup-bup-bap-bip-bip-bip-bup made my brain explode
  • dreamgor - August 18, 2009 8:56 a.m.

    hahaaha the beeps they're everywhere hahhahaha "twitch" the beeeeps!
  • 88Meters - April 24, 2009 1:02 a.m.

    ALL YOUR BASE R BELONG TO US
  • Darthballs - March 12, 2009 9:46 p.m.

    they just made link look gay
  • Amatarasu - February 13, 2009 9:38 p.m.

    ...i sat through #10......the beeps...THE BEEPS ARE IN MY HEAD!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!
  • reaperman22 - February 11, 2009 5:50 a.m.

    m ma man t th tha that w wa was b ba bad and link looked like he belonged on queer eye for the straight guy
  • TNT501 - February 1, 2009 5:13 p.m.

    I s a t t h r o u g h t h e l a s t o n e
  • TNT501 - February 1, 2009 4:59 p.m.

    LOL im going to use the zero wing one for my motto on XL
  • elric40012 - January 29, 2009 6 p.m.

    man I... I couldn't, it was too much... horrible!... HOOOORIBBLLEE!! My head seriously hurts after Ikari
  • DiamondGrip - January 28, 2009 5:20 a.m.

    all that came to mind during the Ikari intro was dot dash dash, dash, dot dot dash dot.
  • SirBonkers - January 27, 2009 8:28 p.m.

    Very funny stuff....well untel Ikaris that is. You did warn us though. I find it unfathomable that someone thought that was a good idea. WOW! Just plan terible!!!

Showing 1-20 of 44 comments

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